Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Passively Suicidal TW

TC40
TC40

I am suicidal...passively.  I don't want to live. I'm not going to kill myself right now...I am doing it slowly. I am taking the long way around. I am starting to develop severe health issues due to my weight. I can't stop eating. I am having problems with fluid on my lungs, an enlarged heart and spleen. I now have arthritis so bad in my knees that I can barely walk. I am the biggest I have ever been. I know what I need to do to turn this around. I have been here before. But this time feels intentional. I don't know how to stop. I am miserable. I don't know how to pull out of this before it IS too late. I want to die, but not like this. This is awful. People treat me like sh** because of my size. I don't know WHERE to get help. If I called a suicide prevention, I would be like "yeah...I am suicidal, but it is via cheesecake (or whatever.)". I don't know what to do. I feel so alone and scared. I am a failure. I wish I HAD the balls to just do it.   



Sunshinegirl0228
Sunshinegirl0228
Hugs and love to you my friend. Can you dial your tdoc? Someone is waiting for your call. Reach for help. People love you and want you to live. I also have suicidal thoughts. It's not easy. You CAN get through this
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Great big hug for you sweetie... I would copy this and take it to your pdoc.... Perhaps different meds will help along with some intervention... It's hard because we have to eat so it's not like we can just stop...... However your doctor can get you some help... Just reach out when he/she does....xo
TC40
TC40
I slept all weekend. I was exhausted and depressed. I just feel BAD about everything
BothsidesBroken
BothsidesBroken
It's OK to feel bad. I remind myself that life isn't a bunch of ups with occasional downs, but quite the severe opposite. We look for the smallest things to find the smallest amounts of true happiness. Have you ever watched a spider build a web or looked at a flower with a magnifying glass? These are amazing things to see, but in minutiae are magnitudes more intricate and beautiful. Look at things in the big picture, to get the idea of what's going on, but don't manage to see the smaller bits that are much better.
Jenniferswe
Jenniferswe
I'm sorry you feel this way. I have felt something like that. I will wish I had cancer because I would die soon. Things like that. Do talk to your tdoc to get some help. Hugs
sunnybrunette
sunnybrunette
Swimming...could swimming help? I remember you used to swim laps...am not feeling well either. But, am not suicidal. Please know that we all love you here. Am hallucinating and it has not been kind for me...please talk to your doctor and try swimming for your health...
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
Probably the best thing you could do is talk to your Therapist about this and with their help develop a plan as to how not to sabotage yourself and work out a healthy eating diet and exercise schedule.
spacekat
spacekat
I'm with ya, TC. Miserable. Sending love and hugs to you, friend.
mlr0853
mlr0853
very sorry to read of your pain. when I feel so down, nothing I do, read, hear seems to pick me up. it is crap shoot, waiting game to grab the ring out of the dark when it appears, sometimes Very small. I procrastinate, my mole hills become mountains. Moving mountains is impossible, but I can move a muscle to change a thought. JOT= just one thing at a time, baby steps each day helps me. Take care, ML
autumn8890
autumn8890
Don't give up you can do this. Can you talk to your tdoc or pdoc? Maybe a med change and some help with diet and exercise would get you moving in the right direction. I have good diet days and days where I just want to eat but don't give in to it because you are only hurting yourself. You don't deserve to treat yourself badly. You are an awesome person and deserve to be happy. I know it's hard but I have faith in you. Hang in there!!!
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