It's been a while since I've been on here. I'd been doing well, 4.0 last two semesters....riding high and living off of fumes. I filled my life with learning and it paid off. This semester just started monday and i have lost my drive and hope. I think about suicide alot but am afraid of it for religious reasons. I take too much medication and too many benzos to quiet my mind, make me feel elsewhere. I took so much the other day i was shaking and felt so awful. All i can think of is i must get through this semester and i cant leave my pets. No one cares for them like momma. The increasing financial problems and infertility is reached beyond what i can handle. Also this is a bad time of year for me...around august to the beginnig of the year i go down apparently. Not sure if this is serious....I've pulled knives and stuff in myself hastily and impulsively but had a person to take them away. I was in the hospital two years ago in december after that incident. I'm feeling overwhelmed and an overdose is just calling me...my brain feels like its in a fog. My husband tells me he says stuff to me all the tume but i dont remember. One of us is crazy.
No insurance and neither of us have a job. No hope is in sight. Its one bad thing after another.