Glad your getting it out in the open. It has less power when it is exposed.

Urges come.

But I hate brain fog and foggy periods of my life where I can't remember. That doesn't feel good. I wonder if you might try to learn some distress tolerance skills to help you in these most critical moments. Maybe you could ask your support professionals for some proven ideas and skills. I had to learn DBT to get myself under control, especially distress tolerance and emotion regulation. I also put myself on antibuse.

Be careful and I hope you can avoid the drugs tonight.

Sending yourself up and down with drugs that you shouldn't be taking is a potential recipe for disaster with our disorder bless but I think you already know that...It sure won't help you to stabilize

If you're up and down why perhaps working closer with your doctor will help.... If you're a recovering addict perhaps you want an excuse to use again??

Congrats on your long term success with the hard stuff, blessed. I'll take your word for it that you know what you're doing...however I would point out that uppers and downers mixed with opiates can become a crutch you might find hard putting down.

Still, I'm not one to preach total sobriety. I still hope someday to get my hands on a sensory deprivation tank...then I'll likely delve back into exotic mushrooms...(some of which grow all around me) ...and maybe get another peak over the edge of the universe...if the acid is still what it used to be. };-)>

Something to consider...we're knot the only species that likes to play mind games with ourselves. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLsHPUKYTQQ

I hope you'll re-think your thoughts accordingly...and...people...

DON'T EAT THE GREEN YAGE ! ! !

~peace in~

smh

I'm struck by your use of the word 'naughty' to describe what you're doing now.
It's a 'minimizing' sort of word.

When you say you always, always lose in the end, do you mean because you have -- yet again -- resorted to 'recreational/self-medicating drugs'?

Well, by that definition, up until this last 'fall from grace', you've always, always WON in the end!!!!!

Up til now.
And if you quit now, just like you have done every other time so far, then you shall once again WIN!!!!

I'm an addict and I'm only been 'clean' for 6 years.
I've been 'clean' for much longer stretches of time in the past, so I don't feel like 'Woo Hoo!!! I've got this beat!!!!'

I'm winning for now, though.

And if you mean losing because you always end up depressed sooner or later, I'm right with ya on that one, too!!
And maybe losing mood-wise will always be a part of our future, I like to think that we can hope that our depression will always be interspersed with happier times, too!!!
(Yep. The 'fun and misery to come'.)

I'm sorry you're in the crappy place right now.
I hope that you won't be there for long!!
I hope that the drugs don't put you in a worse place.

It's serious business, doing what you're doing.
I shall keep sending good thoughts your way!!!!!
And wishing you the best!!!!

(((((Hugs)))))

I'm with you fdlstx. I always wanted to try those takes. It's got to be a trip. They used to be so poplar, now who knows where they are.

Hi well you know you must stop. Don't use no matter what. A drug is a drug & your using again. We all mess up after all we are human.
One day at a time shit one hour at a time if need be.
Personally I'd get myself to a meeting ASAP.
All the best to you
Hugs

You all are right in one way or another. I know I might sounds like I minimize this, and I guess that's cuz I still function, still care for my fam, still cook dinner every night, still feel love - both giving and receiving it.

I know what it is to black out drunk multiple times a week, to do "very bad things" on "hard core drugs", to lose myself and my identity. For me, personally, none of these things happen on a Norco or a diet pill.

What MIGHT happen is that my meds don't work right - that's what the docs tell me, anyway. That could be very, very bad.

I have messed with these ridiculous things off and on for some time, and no tragedy has occurred, but I do know (May) that I get that brain fog, and can't accomplish the things I want to accomplish.

When I was 17 I vowed to live "out of head" - as in, high all the time cuz it numbed the awful feelings an out of control life long undiagnosed mental illness brought. I've worked most of my adult life to "rethink" this "goal" in life, and I mess up here and there, but I'm not in jail and I have a family that loves me and adores me (somehow).

NOT saying that playing with drugs are okay, but there are levels - in my mind and in my reality.

Okay, okay, gonna ditch the pills (I think I lost the pain pills anyhow) and start fresh tomorrow. Thank you all for the outlooks - truly appreciated and helpful....even the disgusted ones, lol. You're all a piece of this here puzzle. Night.