Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
This is what one ICU nurse told me at about 3:00 AM when I was in there after one of my surgeries. This moniker rings true with me, especially after two sessions in a week. I see that as proof of damage and severity of the same.
The line of thinking that I wanted to convey is that my ego (sense of self, and how I see myself) was destroyed by the event. I put my body under so much stress that everything broke, hence the long list of medical ailments. Some of the illnesses are permanent - cardiac, sleep apnea, migraines, bowels. I am in the grieving process but have not progressed beyond grief and shame. I am stuck at stage one and two. This is because I have nothing to rebuild my sense of self upon. I can no longer answer the question of who I am. We are all unique in our ways; I am a blank slate to write upon, but what do I write on it and do I even deserve to do so. Who am I, am I that event forever, or is it possible to move on. I have been at this grief stage for over two years. I destroyed my body, career, and marriage. Who am I?
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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It's been some time since my last post...sorry. I've been going through a challenging time with the sale of my home, purchase of a condo and my adult asperger son that lives with me. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed, days where I stayed in my pj's and days where all I managed to do was eat, drink fluids and take care of my Sweet Mia kitty. Sweet Mia came to me from a shelter about...
What has happened in the past can not be changed.
ML when you loose yourself, look into a mirror and you will know your name. Nothing more, nothing less, no judgments.
Take a deep breath, and make a baby step...
So I offer to you, despite being in a very deep depression now myself. , """move a muscle and change a thought"""....The last 7 days have been inertia hell...Very Bad...in the last two days, I'm bad...not as bad, as I've moved my muscles...I went to the basic of Making Myself take a shower. I Made Myself wash dishes, it took me two days. Today I even managed to get dressed and do my laundry, put clean sheets on my bed.
Am I saying this is easy, not mentally or physically for me....is this the right path to functioning in life again, for me, yes. With years of experience, I know I will go down deep, and I too know I will rise up again.
Choices are the beginning of change.
Life isn't one thing or the other...you haven't been molded into 1 identity and that is what your stuck with....
Maybe now that you're out of the Military and learning to live life without out so many Rules and Regs its time to ask yourself, "Who do I want to be?"
My main diagnosis is combat-type PTSD. A dozen years after the fact, and many hospital stays, I'm pretty stable and productive. You ever need an ear, feel free to hit me up Thor.
Things happen in life that we don't expect or want or deserve...but that unfortunately is life. You unfortunately lived a very long time being BiPolar in the Military and my friend they did a very good fucking mind job on you.
I don't know if you and your wife will make it through the next phase of your life, I don't have that answer. I do know that you can live life with BiPolar, you can be stable and you can be who or whatever you want to be. You're learning to work with a Pdoc and Tdoc who aren't just mouthpieces in the Military chain of command, they actually care about you and your well being and Treatment, But learning to trust that someone is really there to help you and guide you, not for their own gain, but to make your life better takes time and I'm not quite sure you believe them yet.