Vicky...i do have times were im ok...and then i crash...janurary i crashed hard and ended up in the hospital for a week...and this last september i crashed really hard and stayed at the hospital for two weeks...i was able to be ok/good for months before everything crashed. this time i crashed 2 days ago and told myself not to cut and today i couldnt handle it.

i did track my mood on a calender from februrary to may but then i got bored and i did this paper on bp and i realized that i have alot in common with that and i didnt want to be bp so i stopped....i started again in the begining of this month.

Just got to say and hopefully noone gets offended SI is not a habbit but an out an out addiction and if perhaps more of the medical profession realized this we wouldnt struggle so hard with it in some areas . . . .

Backs out slowly

all i want to do is offer lots of ((((((((((hugs))))))))))
please be kind to yourself, you had a relapse, but you have had "clean" time and will again, just try to remember what triggers you so you can avoid it in the future

lol Raven! "backs away slowly"
yea like today 1 day cut free..ill just keep going from here...faith and jamie werent mad at me...i talked to jamie more about it cuz wen faith came we had a family session and she said well talk about it more on monday....but jamie wasnt mad at all..she was sad that i hurt so bad that i felt like i had to do it...we processed wat went wrong and we talked about wat went wrong with the coping mechanisms...i feel very loved. they are angelss

thanx for your bravery, and sharing your story...i really hope all goes the way you want it to

I have been a cutter since I was 14. I have very long stretches of being clean and then I will relapse. For so long, I would fall apart when I relapsed, but I learned that I had unrealistic expectations of myself. I have a chronic illness and I will not be well all of the time. I also had a horrible childhood and suffer from severe PTSD. Please do not be hard on yourself, it will only make things worse. Look forward to being clean again. I learned a wrapping technique one of the times I was in the partial hosp program. You basically get a blanket and swaddle yourself tightly. For some reason this has worked for me everytime. I feel, warm, safe and secure. I really hope for all the best for you.

thank u idla...yea jamie told me that i have unrealistic expectation for myself..she said she never expected me to just stop. im sorry about ur childhood

heyyy long time no chat!!!
i miss you! i know i haven't spoke to you in a while... (actually haven't spoke to most of my friends in a while) but i never forgot about you. i want you to know that.

i also wanted you to know that when i was about 14 i used to be a cutter.
i did it because the mental pain was so deep that i thought i had to feel physical pain to feel human again.
maybe this is why you do it maybe you have other reasons...

don't hate your self. you ARE human. i still love you! and you should start loving your self too. even if you aren't strong even enough to do this, at least know that in my heart you are there.

take it one day at a time, piece by piece you will get the strength to overcome it. i know i did.

See Itzjustme, you are not alone, you have lots of love and support around you to help you move forward.

Sounds like you have a lot of pain in your past to overcome, and it will take time. You may relapse again in the future and cut, but forgive yourself, pick yourself up and try again.

There is no failure except for the failure to keep trying.

You are trying so hard, you have your coping skills, Faith and Jamie, and all of us here. We are on your side and are cheering for you!

thank you gold :)