I used to be totally isolated from others.
Then I eventually tried to connect and be with people all the time.
I thought that this would be a good way of overcoming my internal pain.Because the longer I isolated the further away I would be from the essentials of what it is to be human.
This only works a little way. Because in the end it is personalities overlapping that counts.
Just because it is an illness..it doesn't mean that you have to allow people to meld it to their own advantage.
The good thing is I have over-rated people.
My own experiences have shaped me and I guard them.It is only upon meeting others you realise what your own life is.

99% of the time , the people that talk to me about their lives haven't got the capacity to put themselves in my shoes. You just take a deep breath and let them chat away.
The best people will always say that they can't relate their problems to mine but they do care.

I understand and hear you. I am the same kind of way. I don't buy into society's version of what it means to be accepted. Like comparing myself to others to feel self worth or validation. I know we are programmed to be that way..it is all over our media. I was raised to want other peoples approval. I fight that now. Although there is a fine line to want to wear a nice outfit sometimes or get haircut. I would say that those things have to do with self soothing our 5 senses...which can help us get thru a hard moment or make day better if only temporary. So you know to want to treat yourself in a balanced way sometimes could be a tool to help yourself. But the key word is balance.

Our society is not so balanced. It is all about money and latest fashions and socializing many times with alcohol...etc. Just watch the tv....most of the commercials are based in emotional mind. They emotionally appeal to us...to take a stance or purchase services or products. They manipulate us if you will by playing to our emotional minds. We are somewhat brainwashed by this and want to do what everyone else is doing...for whatever reasons our emotional mind tries to give us. I think people's friendships can be based on the "templates" tv gives us.

This is just my own observation but it looks very real to me.

I think the key is balance. Find friends who don't take from you all the time and who are based more in reality. That sounds funny doesn't it but alot of people (who are mentally sound) live in unrealistic expectations. (Like keeping up with the joneses) That may be hard to do but I think important to try to do. Maybe someday you will be able to make friends or hang out with anybody because you have dealt with your own issues about all this and have come to a peace that they can't take away.

I think what you are doing is finding your own way. Take care

You're not alone. At this point, I only accept phone calls from one person (unless it's someone that I pay to talk to, pdoc, tdoc). I live with family and avoid talking to them as much as possible. I shop at Walmart and Target. Can't justify spending $50 on a sweatshirt at some big name brand store when I could buy a few days worth of clothes for my kids for the same price.

I guess it's not really that I don't care...for me it just takes too much of my time and effort....and I don't trust other peoples intentions. For instance, I don't have any friends where I live...I don't believe anyone would take the time to get to know me well enough before writing me off based on my looks or issues....so why bother putting the time and effort into making superficial assholes as temporary friends?

Make sense?

this is a slippery slope that is part of depression. I get this a lot and it has cost me dearly. I think we have to find a 'work-around' for this urge so that we don't irrevocably do damage to relationships and isolate completely.

Yet being around others during depressed/angry times is bad too, so what to do???

Luckily I have a couple of friends who "monologue" so I barely have to keep up my end of the conversation.

I care for very few people.

I have often felt the same way and am very selective about answering the phone at all. I have learned that having at least one or two people in life who truly know and accept you as you are can be a huge comfort and allow one to open up to others in the same manner. One just has to recognize who the right people are (often difficult I assure you.) It generally takes me well over a year to truly trust a person.

Well, I care about people - just not too much. I lived in that trap for ten years where my life was not my own. Everybody else owned a piece of me.

When my mom died, I found I really don't want to talk to anyone, so I don't.

All the phones in the house are dead right now and I'm looking forward to a nice quiet week-end.

Like I said, I care, just not too much.

sounds like you are depressed hun, don't beat yourself up over it.

i feel a lot like what you described.
i tend to isolate. i don't like so much superficiality, so i stay to myself. was in a 6 yr. relationship, but that was stressful and so i just ended it. i'm considering going to a group tonight, but then again, i run into exactly what you are speaking about, and if i'm not feeling strong it is not a good thing for me to be around.
on the other hand, if i go about it gently, it could help me out and make me stronger.
this is a really difficult subject but one i am glad you brought up.
it hurts to feel so isolated, but then again, if being around others is going to make me irritated it is much better to just go the journey almost completely alone.
i don't know what i'll do now that this relationship has ended, but i feel it will be a good thing for my inner growth and inner person.
i'm hoping for a divine intervention this time, and a miracle.
i don't want to have any fake friends or put the effort in anymore, unless i really find i can trust someone, and that they have some depth and inner life going on and aren't just mirroring all of the fakery fed to us by the media.

i can relate to what you are saying ,not caring and being comfortable isolating and not having any real interests.but i was deeply depressed when that was going on and it lasted closed to 2 years.now that i feel a little better i find i want to connect a little more and its not an effort.((((((HUGS)))))))

Ya i know deep down I don't wanna be solitary type of person. It just goes with how I feel and I know know I need to change how I feel. I don't feel like going to pdocs get me anywhere. They don't really listen they're all just quick to pop u on ur drugs and send u on ur way. let u get a few sentences in to explain urself and then ready to send the next person. Sometimes I wonder how much they really help u.

feel like just another ginea pig testing out all the drugs they suggest