Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hello, everyone this is my first time posting to a support groups regarding my bipolar disorder. A little background, i've been seeing therapists since I was 6 and a psychatrist since I was 13. From the beggining all of my dr's i've seen have leaned towards me being bipolar 1 but being under 18 they could not diagnose me and wanted to stay away from lithium and other mood stabilizers being so young. Fast forward to turning 18, my doctor diagnosed me and began me on all new medications, we where trying to get it under control before I moved off to college. Well about 4 months into college, I took to many of my pills and was sent to the hostpital for some time. I would get out and the same thing would happen, not taking the pills, but i would stop sleeping for months and was manic most times. I have been 3 times in the span of one year. I am 21 now, and I have managed to get my life back on the rails a little bit, but the last 3 months I have been rapid cycling, deppresed one second and having no energy to even take a shower or take care of myself or I am bouncing off the walls thinking I am the worst person in the world and deserve to die and should self destruct. I am very proud of myself since I can now recognize after each episode, not during, the symptoms and can understand a little more about what is going on. BUT I for sure do not feel in control and am spiraling into a psychosis. I am here one second and the next I am disassociated or talking to myself and I cannot control it. I am takingmy meds and trying to stay in my routine but between one second I am messed up at the bar or doing something crazier or I am to weak to even eat. I genuinely feel like my mind is gone. I am so confused and I feel very scared, also I cannot comfort myself. I litterally feel like I am taking 10 steps back in becoming an independent female woman living with bipolar disorder. I want to have anormal life and live and have a family one day and graudate school, but I am a wreck. iI cannot even put it into words. and also why do I have such a fixation on being a good or bad person, does anyone else here feel the same like its all I have ever thought about, but how can I be a good person when all I do is bring negaitivy and I cry and people are always having to look after me. For a while Iwas doing better not struggling with the screaming voice in my head. It has come back and i can't go to the mental hostpital because they will only take you when you are sucicdal and I am not nessciarlly suicidal but I am scared if I go into a psychosis again i will do soemthing like take all of my pills or drive off of something and not know, you know? Because I am not there and also im a lot for my mother, she is the only one in my family who has emapthy with mental illness everyone else like my dad thinks I am seeking attention and i swear Im not. i ACTUALLY don't even like attention. Idk this si all over the place and I am sorry for that. I justs needed to vent to people who go through similar things. Again Im sorry this is everywhere and also sorry if this is triggering so please remove if it needs to be as I am new to this.
One of the things that helped me most, is using a mood chart. There are lots online. I use one that is a month long.. I put moods, physical pain, exercise, playing flute, stresses & triggers, as well as meds, That is something you could start tomorrow. Mine has changed & evolved over the years, it's for my personal use to chart how I'm doing. It really can be revealing when you look back over the months and assess what the chart is saying.
Exercise is very important. It makes the body put out neurotransmitters, or burn them off. The years I was working out hard daily, my bipolar disorder was really under control. In fact, I've started to exercise again, as my physical illnesses are under better control, and it has helped in so many ways. At this point it is a priority. I'm just walking, but being up a few mountains makes it a bit harder.
Next, thing I'll mention is to get the book "living with someone with bipolar disorder" by Julie Fast & John D Preston. It is written to someone living with a person with bipolar disorder, and many practical suggestions to help them stabilize. I just applied it to myself. It gave me more structure and helped me resolve issues one at a time She also has a book addressed to people who are bipolar (she is bipolar) but I have never read it, so I don't feel comfortable recommending a book I haven't read. It may be better. So worthwhile to read.. I wish I had been given the book when I had my first manic episode at 21, instead of in my 50s.
Of course taking your meds daily is so important. Lithium always works best for me. It makes me calmer, without feeling like I am in a straight jacket. The temptation is to get on the hypomanic side and feel so good you stop taking the meds, and go manic or depressed and start the vicious cycle again. I think people need to take their meds. I was off meds for many years, in remission. But when I started to add up my symptoms in the summer, I phoned a mental health agency and got started on lithium again. Low dose, but enough to help me stabilize. The psychiatrist said I showed "remarkable insight" into my condition. I should hope so, after 50 years, and learning from others, including this group.
One final point, which also applies to grad school. Paragraphs! White space! We had a member years ago, and she would go nuts over the run on manic sentences. It makes it so much easier to read when there are white spaces and divisions between thoughts & ideas. I've done graduate school, but also was a teacher, so I hope you won't be insulted and realize bossy old teachers don't retire & die, they just find other places to be pushy around.
Sorry if I wrote a book. It's getting lighter out! Lol