Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
This is also my first time posting on this site, but have been looking at the posts for a few months now. Until I recently saw JoJo33's post and felt compelled to open an anonymous email, so that I could register on this site to speak to JoJo33 and everyone else in a similar situation without my husband knowing.
I married JoJo33's fianc almost 20 yrs ago and am still with him today. I had 2-3 opportunities over the years to get out and foolishly did not take advantage of them because I did not recognize my BP and co-dependency that would keep me with him to this day .
Now we have a son who is the light of my life, but I know that to get out now would be the ugliest divorce imaginable. And I will not but my son in the middle of that mess.
I'm not telling you what to do or not to do, but this is my LONG life experiences with person and know that in my experience, they may mello over time, but they will NEVER change!
Although I have managed to be fairly successful in my career, as I person, I have endured a lot. I am amazed at my success given my low self-esteem. The arm punching when I got the directions wrong, the hair pulling, the shameful pain when a friend unknowingly pats me right on that bruise I got the night before, keeping me from leaving the house to go to work (I have been the only bread winner the entire time). I also know that the physical abuse is and/or was worse than you say because we don't want to get them in trouble or arrested if we were to tell. All that has gone to the wayside for us as we've gotten older and since I found out I was pregnant several years ago, but the physical threats, that look in his eyes at times and his anger when I unconsciously flinch, it actually pisses him off... but it's the daily verbal abuse that I've heard for almost 20 yrs that in many ways hurts more than anything else. Things like "crazy", "stupid", "insane", "you should be locked up" and the most recent kick is "fat". I've been heavy most of my life, but it's beginning to get out of control at this time. That's just another piece of ammunition for him, since I am now "not a good mother and don't care about my son to want to be around for him in the future".
He is great around my son, but once my son is in bed or even out of
earshot it usually begins. It's the statements about how I am stupid or just am not on the same plane as him (he assumes his plane is better than mine I'm sure) or just the 4+hr lectures of how I could be better and fall short. Just enough to keep me down, but still not enough to make me leave. I know it's his way of controlling me. This does not even break the surface of my story, but I had to abbreviate as 20yrs is a long time.
I started seeing a psychiatrist more than 10 yrs ago and was diagnosed as BP. Took meds for more than a year and was in therapy. I started feeling a little better, but that is when he convinced me that meds were not the answer. I stopped seeing them both and shortly after lost my job and insurance due to the economic downturn.
I was OK and then several month ago I started crying and have never really stopped crying, at least on the inside. You know that choked up feeling you get in your throat right before the tears start? That's the the feeling I have all the time now. So, I decided to start seeing a new psychiatrist a few months ago and somehow managed to get him to go too. The Dr. started him on medication (said he was BP like me) and after 2-4 visits and on meds I felt he was calmer, but the dr. pissed him off (something about being late for his appt), but it was his excuse to stop his meds and stop seeing his Dr. Now he talks very negatively about any appts that I have with the Dr. AND complains about the meds I take. So much so that I don't tell him anymore when the dr. changes my doses or even the type of pills I take.
You know, I just got back from a med check yesterday and asked the Dr. if he really thought I was BP or if all my problems were from 20yrs of living with my husband. He said the PC thing, stating that how can you guess what is not. Unless we had never met/got together, there is no way of really know. Strange though that the Dr. should states he normally doesn't make these sorts of comments or give advice (has ALWAYS been a strict meds only guy) but he asked me point blank "why don't you just leave him".
I married JoJo33's fianc almost 20 yrs ago and am still with him today. I had 2-3 opportunities over the years to get out and foolishly did not take advantage of them because I did not recognize my BP and co-dependency that would keep me with him to this day .
Now we have a son who is the light of my life, but I know that to get out now would be the ugliest divorce imaginable. And I will not but my son in the middle of that mess.
I'm not telling you what to do or not to do, but this is my LONG life experiences with person and know that in my experience, they may mello over time, but they will NEVER change!
Although I have managed to be fairly successful in my career, as I person, I have endured a lot. I am amazed at my success given my low self-esteem. The arm punching when I got the directions wrong, the hair pulling, the shameful pain when a friend unknowingly pats me right on that bruise I got the night before, keeping me from leaving the house to go to work (I have been the only bread winner the entire time). I also know that the physical abuse is and/or was worse than you say because we don't want to get them in trouble or arrested if we were to tell. All that has gone to the wayside for us as we've gotten older and since I found out I was pregnant several years ago, but the physical threats, that look in his eyes at times and his anger when I unconsciously flinch, it actually pisses him off... but it's the daily verbal abuse that I've heard for almost 20 yrs that in many ways hurts more than anything else. Things like "crazy", "stupid", "insane", "you should be locked up" and the most recent kick is "fat". I've been heavy most of my life, but it's beginning to get out of control at this time. That's just another piece of ammunition for him, since I am now "not a good mother and don't care about my son to want to be around for him in the future".
He is great around my son, but once my son is in bed or even out of
earshot it usually begins. It's the statements about how I am stupid or just am not on the same plane as him (he assumes his plane is better than mine I'm sure) or just the 4+hr lectures of how I could be better and fall short. Just enough to keep me down, but still not enough to make me leave. I know it's his way of controlling me. This does not even break the surface of my story, but I had to abbreviate as 20yrs is a long time.
I started seeing a psychiatrist more than 10 yrs ago and was diagnosed as BP. Took meds for more than a year and was in therapy. I started feeling a little better, but that is when he convinced me that meds were not the answer. I stopped seeing them both and shortly after lost my job and insurance due to the economic downturn.
I was OK and then several month ago I started crying and have never really stopped crying, at least on the inside. You know that choked up feeling you get in your throat right before the tears start? That's the the feeling I have all the time now. So, I decided to start seeing a new psychiatrist a few months ago and somehow managed to get him to go too. The Dr. started him on medication (said he was BP like me) and after 2-4 visits and on meds I felt he was calmer, but the dr. pissed him off (something about being late for his appt), but it was his excuse to stop his meds and stop seeing his Dr. Now he talks very negatively about any appts that I have with the Dr. AND complains about the meds I take. So much so that I don't tell him anymore when the dr. changes my doses or even the type of pills I take.
You know, I just got back from a med check yesterday and asked the Dr. if he really thought I was BP or if all my problems were from 20yrs of living with my husband. He said the PC thing, stating that how can you guess what is not. Unless we had never met/got together, there is no way of really know. Strange though that the Dr. should states he normally doesn't make these sorts of comments or give advice (has ALWAYS been a strict meds only guy) but he asked me point blank "why don't you just leave him".
-
Happy hump day! Check in so we know you're here.
-
Do you think having anxiety could lead into depression? What are your thoughts?
Your Pdoc was very right and asked a very good question, "Why don't you just leave him?" I was married to an abusive man for 26 years. I was the breadwinner in my family also. I am what they call "High Functioning" Bipolar with Suicidal Depression. I have 3 College Degrees. My ex husband has a 10th grade education and his GED....and he still had me convinced that I couldn't make it without him. I have several major medical conditions along with the BiPolar, I've had 30 surgeries in the last 22 years and countless procedures, hospital stays, ER visits, etc. Every month I have 3 Dr.'s that I have to see, I'm on 15 meds a day pills and injections. But I still had to be the breadwinner, keep the family covered with health insurance, make sure our 2 sons had everything they needed...my ex-husbands job was to sit around popping beer can tops. I worked from home with half body casts on, I worked from hospital beds, I always worked from the day I turned 16.
Finally 3 years ago after showing up at my Pdocs office with the 3rd black eye in as many weeks, he pretty much asked me the same question, "how long are you going to put up with this shit?" "your more intelligent than him" and I said what I always said, "I'm waiting for Nick to get out of high school" Nick was my 10 year old at the time. My Pdoc then looked at me and said to me, what I"m going to say to you, "If you think that your son doesn't know what's going on in that house, then we need to go admit you, because you are out of your freaking mind" It's funny I didn't really believe him until I saw my sons diary a week or so later, and that's what made me finally leave my ex and take my son and move to a condo.....I wasn't protecting him from anything, I was keeping him in the middle of all the hurt and anger.
Hon, kids aren't stupid, they pick up on everything, they know what's happening in their own home. You need to get smart and get out before your husband loses his control and something seriously drastic happens and your son ends up only having 1 parent to raise him and be his role model....his father.
I know it's hard, I changed my mind off and on a dozen times...but when I was finally out the door, the rightness of my decision was all around me.
Please take care of yourself,
Kat
...Sound carries. Anxiety carries, kids pick up on that. At the very least your child knows you're profoundly unhappy.
...I was 6 when I realized my parents were taking out their marital tension on me...and it didn't get any better when the period of daily screaming matches between them came along either.
My suggestion: start taking pictures of these bruises. Date, time, what your husband did to cause them. Upload this to an anonymous email account, then delete the local copies.
...I suspect he's going to go over the edge one day and you will leave.
For that day and for the custody battle afterward, I want you to have documented photo evidence of the abuse.
So just trust me.
Take the pictures, document the evidence.
(((HUGS)))
You deserve better than this.
and,your,son,only,you,will,know,when,you,are,ready,keep
going,in,that,direction,look,up,agencies,that,can,help.
you,..you,don*t,need,to,do,this,alone,there,are,people
who,can,help,ask,your,doc.you*re,in,my,thoughts,
Although he has not worked since we've been together, most of the time there was a reason. Medical issues, in college, and he even started a master's program but never finished that after taking a leave after his mom got sick and eventually passed.
He is actually takes care of quite a bit around the house and takes wonderful care of our son. He is also the person that keeps me from lying in bed everyday feeling sorry for myself in his drive to keep our lives functional. I feel in some strange way we compliment one another, we just don't always do it in the best way.t's just the words here and there that bother, probably more than most due to my lows and BP.
Also, although I mentioned bruises I've never experienced a black eye or anything like that. It would be a hit in the arm or a grab of my arm and similar. Maybe my fibro makes me more sensitive to that type of thing too. Don't get me wrong, I do find my moments of happiness, But they seem few and far between these days.
Like I said, I'm still quite new to the site.
does..he..get..off?...verbal..is..worse...than..physical..any..day.
that..flash..of..anger..in..the.eyes..where..you..wait..for..the..blow
that...doesn*t..come..and..your..confidence..sinks..read.your.original
post...again..to..remind.yourself!
This is a very good and supportive board
If you want to write JoJo you can do it threw a private message
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical-Emotional-Abuse/support-group