Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
As manic as I've been lately, I've had zero interest in writing, talking, or really doing anything at all. I took some adderall tonight and although I felt pretty good for awhile, nothing really got accomplished. I'm in kind of a weird spot right now...My girlfriend's mom has lyme disease and is doing heavy antibiotics treatment (shes had it for over 20 years) so we are both living with her parents (in a small camper next to the house with our puppy). I've felt manicky, but unmotivated...to the point of shamefully lazy. I graduated earlier this month, although I have 3 summer classes and an internship this summer. I feel claustrophobic and frustrated because I cannot find a way to express my rage. I played softball for four years and this season went horribly...so that has only made things worse over the last few months. I feel shamefully lazy yet can't bring any change quite yet...I have my own radio show on my college's station (music used to be my favorite thing) and I can't even get motivated to do that...I'm totally half-assing everything I'm doing...and have done in the last six months. I hate not working this summer(first summer in 6 years I haven't worked) but I don't have time in my schedule (of what I'm supposed to be doing anyway..). I have my senior thesis to redo this summer (because my dumbass plagiarized part of it towards the end of the semester...again, not too proud about that) and I'm having trouble deciding what to do it on...it's supposed to be a mini-documentary. I'm still grinding my teeth and locking my jaw. I feel like I should go up on my meds (200 mg lamictal, 75 effexor), but I feel like that's a cop-out and just not dealing with some issues. I've had a lot of randomly directed rage lately. Nights are the worst...I don't want to go out to the camper at night because I feel claustrophobic and it's just been intensifying. I've had the body tension and itching and have refrained from scratching because I feel like I could claw myself to the bone. I don't even know where to begin. I've always been extremely seasonal and I know I'm just beginning a knew phase of my life, but I need some help. I missed my last pdoc appt because I forgot and have yet to reschedule. She's usually booked two months ahead anyway. I don't want to switch meds or anything because my parents are already spending 300 a month on my meds. I've taken zoloft, lexapro, lithium, celexa, and wellbutrin with no positive effects...xanax and klonopin (purchased illegally) have helped in the past, but I have a highly addictive personality and need to be able to function.
I need some ideas.
I need some ideas.
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
I can imagine you are at a transition point and maybe you are unsure how to proceed so you are just going around in circles. That might not be a bad thing.
Get a med tweak and then see how it feels?
Have you tried daily exercise to encourage endorphine production? Maybe take some vitamin B complex for energy. It is easy to get into a physical complacency rut when we are inactive and eventually our mental state follows. If you are episodic it sounds more like dysphoric hypo mania. Without proper meds, you have to be your own motivator so it is necessary to get a schedule started and force yourself to follow it. Start small, with minor steps and work your way up. Start with a morning walk every day and accomplishing one task that will eventually motivate you to accomplish more.
Hope you find peace.............Hugs
On upping your meds- that is NOT a cop-out. Period. Just not possible. That's like telling a diabetic to not take insulin because it's a cop-out.
Upping your meds, or adjusting them, is a coping skill. Another point about meds, sometimes changing meds makes them more affordable. Not all meds are priced equally.
I think your parents would be happier to pay a bit more, but have meds that work for you. You are more important than money. If you doubt that- then ask them point blank what's more important for them. You are their baby and they'll do what they need to help you.
When I was in college with no job and no money I went to the community mental health centers and everything was covered PDOC and meds.
M.