Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I haven't been here in a long time because I still don't think I am BP 2 so nothing here applies to me and I have nothing to offer. Sorry....that was my version of obnoxious sarcasm. The few I know in this group are great :-)
True tho...I don't agree with my diagnosis but anyway.....
Last appointment and at all appointments I am asked to fill out a depression screen. 10 questions or so...rate how often I feel sad or apathetic etc.. I hate the damn thing. My moods go up and down on a daily basis. Especially the last week.
We were talking and he asked if I had felt happy so I said yeah...there were a couple of days I was pretty happy. One day I saw something and it briefly made me feel like there was some religious significance but I realized it was just in my head. He looked at me and said 'The question was about your mood"
Welllllllllllllll excusssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee me! I told him I felt a little euphoric and to myself I added kinda like the opposite feeling that I have now...you know the feeling where I want to slap your face.
I don't like psychiatrists anyway. He was offering me risperidone for my anxiety. I don't want more drugs. I'm fat from sitting on my ass anyway why do I want something to make me sit more????
Ugh....I'm angry. Frustrated. Had some bad memories surface. I have a tdoc appointment tomorrow then a 4 day weekend.
Just venting I guess. I'm really not sure if I am BP2 or maybe even BPD. I try not to google shit and self diagnose and honestly Dr. "Just the facts ma'am" can't possibly have any idea of what I am.
True tho...I don't agree with my diagnosis but anyway.....
Last appointment and at all appointments I am asked to fill out a depression screen. 10 questions or so...rate how often I feel sad or apathetic etc.. I hate the damn thing. My moods go up and down on a daily basis. Especially the last week.
We were talking and he asked if I had felt happy so I said yeah...there were a couple of days I was pretty happy. One day I saw something and it briefly made me feel like there was some religious significance but I realized it was just in my head. He looked at me and said 'The question was about your mood"
Welllllllllllllll excusssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee me! I told him I felt a little euphoric and to myself I added kinda like the opposite feeling that I have now...you know the feeling where I want to slap your face.
I don't like psychiatrists anyway. He was offering me risperidone for my anxiety. I don't want more drugs. I'm fat from sitting on my ass anyway why do I want something to make me sit more????
Ugh....I'm angry. Frustrated. Had some bad memories surface. I have a tdoc appointment tomorrow then a 4 day weekend.
Just venting I guess. I'm really not sure if I am BP2 or maybe even BPD. I try not to google shit and self diagnose and honestly Dr. "Just the facts ma'am" can't possibly have any idea of what I am.
I don't care that I can't talk to him. That is what my therapist is for...and I like my therapist. To be honest I wouldn't want to have an in depth talk with my psychiatrist. He is a tool ( in more ways than one....hehehehe...just made myself laugh)
I'm just a bit raw right now. flashback, intrusive memories, therapist poking at my sensitive parts and wanting me to feel.
I am going to color and highlight my hair all by myself. New hair and some ice cream will make it all better....sort of....maybe. hell...it's worth a shot.
The more I learn about therapists and their training and approaches, the more I think they don't really know what they are doing.
I have had some horrid therapists in the past....actually they were psychiatrists, but I really like my therapist. It is his job to poke around. He doesn't push too hard and if it is something I can't talk about he backs off until another time. I knew from the beginning he was going to be persistent. I know myself and I know that is what I need. I have wasted time and money going to therapy and attempting to get over the abuse and assault by blocking my feelings. I thought that no feelings was a good thing. Little did I know the feelings were still there, just buried. A few years ago I tried again and had absolutely no connection with her. I could talk all day and not say a thing. I talked about feelings like I really had some. She was oblivious. Finally I took a chance and told her about a very painful experience. She was basically , "so what". It pissed me off and I spent 2 weeks mulling it over in my head. I decided I should tell her how it made me feel. Somewhere during the next session I realized she wasn't worth my energy.
5 years later:I found one that is working. I am 49 years old. I want to get some of this shit out of me before I die. I want to live life. I am one of those people who thinks to herself: If I read this book on nutrition it will help me lose weight. No it won't. What MIGHT help is to stop eating my feelings. Maybe even unlearning that food is my punishment,reward, comfort and best friend that is trying to kill me. It might be helpful to deal with the feelings that make me want to cut or flog myself instead of learning how to stuff those feelings down. I have spent too many years dealing with stuff by not dealing with it. In my case poking is a good thing. I just have a lot of stuff hidden inside and it hurts to bring them out but I know I have to do it. I have spent 40 years letting pedophiles control my life.