Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I don't really know where to start.
My mum went to her first session with my old therapist for herself so she 'knows how to deal' with me. She came home and just started going on about how we all need to figure out how to make me more independent since i'm classed as leaving school (though i haven't been since i was 11 due to my mental health) in july so my mums child benefits will end.
So i have 2 choices now - go enroll in some kind of education so my mums child benefits carry on or apply for my own benefits for being 'ill' and try for disability too. My mum would then get carers allowance aswell.
Now, i really don't think i can cope with enrolling on some corse, i'm just not stable at all. And i have so many anxieties about it too, with not being in education for so long. I only just started getting back into the mental health system (since january) but i also went when i was aged 11-13. They've tried me on two meds so far (abilify in march time and now i'm on seroquel). They say i have 'emerging bipolar disorder' but say they don't want a full and proper diagnoses for me yet because of my age (16).
But option two would break my heart. I don't want to be just another benefit scrounger. It makes me so upset to think when i was a little kid i wanted to be so many wonderful things. A forensic scientist, a chef, a musician (as i used to play the saxophone). I can't deal with the idea i'm letting go of all those things. I'd be accepting what's 'wrong' with me and i can't. I'm so ashamed too so talking openly and honestly would be hard when writing out the forms.
But obviously i need to survive. Growing up scares me so much i just wish i could go back to being 5.
I just feel so hopeless about the future and i don't know what to do about it. Leaves me thinking i should just go top myself to make everything easier for everyone. But i enjoy life, i don't think i could go through with that. It's just not an option really.
So i guess really, i'm asking what's best for me to do? I'm totally stuck.
My mum went to her first session with my old therapist for herself so she 'knows how to deal' with me. She came home and just started going on about how we all need to figure out how to make me more independent since i'm classed as leaving school (though i haven't been since i was 11 due to my mental health) in july so my mums child benefits will end.
So i have 2 choices now - go enroll in some kind of education so my mums child benefits carry on or apply for my own benefits for being 'ill' and try for disability too. My mum would then get carers allowance aswell.
Now, i really don't think i can cope with enrolling on some corse, i'm just not stable at all. And i have so many anxieties about it too, with not being in education for so long. I only just started getting back into the mental health system (since january) but i also went when i was aged 11-13. They've tried me on two meds so far (abilify in march time and now i'm on seroquel). They say i have 'emerging bipolar disorder' but say they don't want a full and proper diagnoses for me yet because of my age (16).
But option two would break my heart. I don't want to be just another benefit scrounger. It makes me so upset to think when i was a little kid i wanted to be so many wonderful things. A forensic scientist, a chef, a musician (as i used to play the saxophone). I can't deal with the idea i'm letting go of all those things. I'd be accepting what's 'wrong' with me and i can't. I'm so ashamed too so talking openly and honestly would be hard when writing out the forms.
But obviously i need to survive. Growing up scares me so much i just wish i could go back to being 5.
I just feel so hopeless about the future and i don't know what to do about it. Leaves me thinking i should just go top myself to make everything easier for everyone. But i enjoy life, i don't think i could go through with that. It's just not an option really.
So i guess really, i'm asking what's best for me to do? I'm totally stuck.
I know i'd do the same if i tried again. My knowledge on these things isn't all it used to be so i panic and walk.
I believe if I were you, that I would let my therapist help me to decide what is good for my health care plan, long-term.
This is the hardest time of your life, Lauren. Don't be hard on yourself knowing that it is true that most of the world suffers a great deal at your age, despite circumstances. You are changing biologically almost as much as a two year old, who struggles at terrible two's. It is a fact.
Please be as gentle with yourself as you would a friend who has this disorder.
You are not alone.
Very best to you, Lauren.
needing disability does not make you a scrounger jellybean.. nor is it an indication that you have a hopeless future.. it can be a temporary solution until you decide what is best for you.... please don't beat yourself up for it
good luck x
It sounds like a lot of your anxiety is social, and that's what mine was when I was struggling with it so much. One thing that really helped me was something a friend told me. I was telling her about all these anxieties and fears, and she looked at me and said, "Do you realize how selfish it is of you, to think that people are constantly thinking about you and what you're doing?" And it sounds rude and blunt to hear it, but then I realized that people honestly don't really care what you do, unless it's affecting them. I also read an article, about something called "The Spotlight Effect", link included. It was very helpful.
:) Hope I could be helpful!
http://www.wordspy.com/words/spotlighteffect.asp
The entrance exams for college can cause anxiety for everyone... just find ways to deal with them. Talk to your therapist about ways to deal with the anxiety, try counting to 10, deep breathing, naming things in the room... anything to get your mind to think about something else than the anxiety for a few minutes or so...
I wish you the best of luck
I absolutely love that book.
when you are ready enough and well enough im sure that you will able to achieve all that you want from life, we are in similar positions. stress triggers me and i always take on too much work because i love learning so much.
please don't feel alone though, you are certaintly not. even though it feels like it. and remind yourself that you really deserve DLA because this will enable you a little bit to start to live a little, theres no point trying to get a life without money hunny ! x x x
That doesn't mean you have to stay on them forever!!! Go on them and then spend your time trying to do all those things you want to do!!!! Practice math and English skills and whatever other things you need to learn to go to school, if going is something that you want to do.
If you were to go to school now and you let them know your history, they would make special accommodations for you, wouldn't they!!!? Tutoring, help with taking notes, extra time to hand in assignments, and letting you take tests by yourself if you want, with extra time to finish them?
If you do end up going on your own benefits, please don't think it's the end of your chances to accomplish things in life. You sound pretty good!!! I think you should be very hopeful about what your future may hold!!!!!
Good luck!!!! I wish you much happiness and great success!!! (((((Hugs)))))
Carla
It is also helping my family with the fiances since right now I can not work. But next yrear I will be returning to collage for a second time with more wisdom and a better understanding of what I want to accomplish while I am there.
I also think that you should enroll for at least one class a semester so that you can get back into the swing of things. Little steps can take you more miles. Good Luck you You!!!!
You are young and that is on your side. It means you have a whole lot ahead of you and the ability to deal with these issues sooner rather than being setback when you are older.
Even though Im not particularly fond of your mother's approach, Im still going to say that you should try to move forward towards school. Hear me out though, because I know it is much easier said than done.
Dont let yourself just get thrown back into the school system. There are a lot of options out there to help students with issues like this. Before returning make sure you have an open communication with the guidance department. Im assuming you have a doctor with your reference to meds - let them help you in dealing with the school so you can have the right accomodations to make this whole thing doable for you. They can work out different schedules and find a way to help get you up to pace so you arent simply thrown into the deep end. They are also your connection to working with teachers that you have so that you have the most help you need. There was a group that also helped kids out at my school, but I dont remember the name.
My point is, look for as many ways as you can to make the school system work for you and if you keep trying and doing your best there will be some way for you to succeed. I made the mistake of not working with guidance until I was absolutely forced too and missed out on a lot of support I could have gotten before things got so bad.
Not to mention, if it helps your family out financially that contributes to you having more resources.
I really hope it works out for you and remember you are young and you can pull through this!
It is always worth a shot, but it seems very unlikely because the system is under review right now and they are being exceptionally strict.
I don't want to dash your hopes or anything but I also don't want you to count your chickens before they've hatched.
When applying for DLA you will have to have a great amount of documentation to prove that you cannot work, this will include letters from your GP/Psychiatrist etc They only way they will even consider you for DLA is if your doctor and pdoc agree that you are not fit to work and sign documentation stating that.