Pema I’m so sorry. I understand how you can feel the way you do BUT I really don’t think your friend would want you not to worry about yourself. You have so much compassion for everyone but at a time like this it is so important to show that level of compassion to yourself. Yes your friend is dying but you need to live through this. Pema I’m just so sorry I wish I could give you a hug and be there for you. This is all I can do so just know I’m here if you need me ok, Please keep me or us up to date. Big hugs

Pema this is a bipolar site and you have bipolar, so yes, Write as much as you want and how we can support you.

I've no clue how you feel, yet, I've walked in similar shoes with those I love who have died. Your selfless compassion and love for your friend, God Willing will bring you comfort. For now, seems like you are spreading yourself very thin, your friend's husband and your friend too, so much pressure to help and keep helping.

Please do take a little time, it's hard to break away, even for 30 minutes to walk out doors, then come back in and tell your friend what you saw, did...I'm sure with no doubt she will be happy "you are listening to her to take care of you"...

Prayers in progress for all, peace

Be as present as you can, you are being extremely nice, take care of you both. Don't forget about yourself either <3

I am so sorry for your tough situation. It's maybe a blessing though that you can be there for your friend and her husband.
I know it must be intensely heartbreaking but you are doing a very good thing by your friends by being there. Keep strong. I admire your strength.

OMG she is so damn stubborn she doesn’t want her pain meds because they knock her out. She wants to be awake as much as she can. I told her if I’m making her not sleep than I will leave. She said no she hears me talking when she is asleep. She enjoys my stupid stories. This is killing me I haven’t done much eating or sleeping. I’m trying but I get sick when I eat or think about eating, I’m scared that my meds aren’t getting into me. I have tried crushing them up putting it in tea tast like shit, I tried all the tricks. I don’t know if I’m feeling because of my friend or no medicine is staying down, I can’t go to hospital I’m not leaving ..I promised I wouldn’t. She would do the same for me and probably be better at it. I don’t know what I’m even asking . I guess I’m just scared now and in a hour or tonight or tomorrow. She is way to young. I don’t have any strength I really don’t but I have to find it somewhere. She tells me if I’m taking care of myself and I tell her I’m doing the best I can she can tell I’m not, we both don’t know what to tell each other so I just tell her we will just do our best. I made sure it’s ok being here with the husband and he looked at me like I was crazy. He said there is no way he could do what I’m doing. I told him just do what he can live with, shit it is freezing out here I got to get back inside. Thankyou for your support, if anyone has any tips how to get pills down let me know and yes Im going from both ends. Nice thought sorry. TMI Thankyou again you have no idea how much it helps to write. I just want her to be in peace . Namaste Pema

My thoughts go out...

Pema,
Can you take over counter anti acid, zantac or something like that?
If you are "going" Imodium small sips, you might be dehydrated...small sips of room temperature Gatorade, for nourishment, small sips room temp of boost or ensure? Tastes bad, but less of shock to system.

Could you perhaps call your psydr and ask for ideas? or prn med? to help balance/reduce anxiety/give you some sleep? I have a prn for ativain for anxiety and for sleep...just a thought.
Could this be what is causing you to be sick? stress/anxiety?

I've been where you are with a family member, at the time I was undiagnosed bipolar, what happened after was Not Fun. That's where I'm coming from...self experience.

Please Give Yourself Love and Support
Please do what ever helps you...

Sending prayers for all....

Pema,
Can you take over counter anti acid, zantac or something like that?
If you are "going" Imodium, boost, ensure, gatorade
Could you perhaps call your psydr and ask for ideas? or prn med?

Breathe
Please do what ever helps you...

Sending prayers for all....

Pema I worry for you being sick in this difficult situation...

Working with folks who are actively dyeing is stressful under the best of circumstances...

What you are doing is kind but not if it is at cost to you and your well being....seek help for yourself any way you can

I just went through this with my Nana. It’s hard but how wonderful it is that you get to be there for her till the end rather than it be an unexpected death. That’s how I saw it anyway. Hugs and love to you in this difficult time

I haven’t tried that stomach stuff sounds pretty stupid I have a stomach problem and not taking anything for it. I hit every branch on the stupid tree. I’m trying to take little sips of fluid some stay down but not very much. I guess I could call my psydr but he would want to see me and that’s not a good idea right now. I will just try the stomach stuff and try to drink, I’m chewing on her ice chips so something is getting down but my meds aren’t staying down and I’m going to run out of them sooner because if I get sick I try again later so I’m going to be short. Maybe my Dr will call in something she usually well always wants to see me before she calls something in. Well thanks for your kindness, I’m starting to feel sick myself lucky there is room in the bed. Namaste Pema

Big hug for you pema……. You getting sick sweetie isn't going to help your friend... Please take care of you

These times are so hard..... I've been there.... My prayers are with you and your friend.... xo

Pema,

It is not unusual for someone who is dieing to forego their pain meds so they can be as present as possible for every moment they have. They want to cherish the last moments with their loved ones they don't want to be in a drugged haze. Use this time to snuggle on the bed with her and just let her talk with you...just that act of doing can sometimes lessen your stress levels and anxiety. You're giving her something that nobody else can and that's pretty much all she wants or needs right now.

Try to stay in "one moment at a time" mode for now, don't look to the big picture, you'll figure things out in the end. But right now each moment is important, and concentrating on each small moment can be far less stressful than trying to think about and figuring out all the "what ifs" and "how do I's" of the big picture.

Take care,
Kat

Thankyou I will take your advice kat, Thankyou for everything everyone it has helped.