Go Canada Go!

I don't allow myself to get depressed. But when I was locked into it, it was living hell. I hope you find your way out of it. It is possible, believe it or not.

i am a bipolar depressive...yes i get manic, but my "normal" mood is depressed. often it is a bone chilling, deepest darkest depression that physically hurts. it makes it so hard to live through each day..it would be so much easier just to fade away, and so much less painful. yes, i know whereof you speak...

My big thing is - Don't Think.

I will probably always have more than my share of 'alone time' in my life; but I have now shared the darkness of depression that I never knew as a younger, mostly-manic or hypomanic person.

I see it now. And I know I cannot afford to THINK too much. It keeps spiraling me down. Whatever I can do to occupy my mind, keep moving, literally - whatever. To pass the time until I feel "stable" enough to think without dropping down to depths I can't get out of.

*hugs* and thoughts of bouncy springs for you. :/

I spend most of my time in the black land of Depression, feeling leaden and dead.
I just hope you can keep treading, TML. ((((((Hugs))))))

it sounds overwhelming-i am sorry for your ongoing struggle with it. i am here if you need me. xoxo t

I completely understand your depression. I am usually fighting depression and I have tried so many different antidepressants I don't remember all the names, some were so new the pdoc only had samples to give me. Luckly I found one that hit it and helped take the hard edge off. I still fight depression but now I feel like I'm treading water and just going under once and a while. It doesn't have anything to do with what is going on in your life or around you. That's what lots of people don't understand. I could have the greatest life in the world, no worries about money, a great marriage but I would still be fighting depression. I just remind myself that it is a mood disorder so thinking about life circumstances only makes it worse. If that makes any sense. I also take lots of drugs. I'm always amazed when the pdoc runs down the list and hands me all the scripts, what a way to live. Anyway I got side tracked. You captured the essence of my depression with your description. I wish you all the best and hope i will lift for you soon.
Mage

"Got to kick at the darknes til it bleeds daylight" --love it!

sigh.........xoxo

tml67 i no were ur at!!! i was there 6 monthes last winter..then put on lithiem was in crises care 5 days..did great all summer and most of the winter..come mid feb its hitting me again..the thoughts..yea alot of pepole get blues or down,,we get no funschnal..last winter in 09-10 i couldnt leave the house 5 monthes..then march came i was good to go no meds then...SO YES FRIEND I NO WHAT YOU GO THREW also i was detoxing methadone pain med

Unless the people you talk to have been through long periods of deep depression, they simply won't understand what it's like to just make an effort to get out of bed each day, or bring yourself to do personal hygiene.

The trouble with it is, there are so many variables to take into consideration that it's exhausting deciding which step next to take to try and implement changes for the better. I mean, it's hard enough maintaining a basic routine, let alone altering it.

Then there's being kind to yourself while you go through it. Yeah, it's hard work and living in this society doesn't make it easier.

I understand what you mean, and have struggled lately with people who do not understand. I generally move between depression, dysphoria, and mixed states with about one minor hypomanic state thrown in per year.

Lately I have also had that experience of people who I thought understood but no longer do. These are people, like you mentioned, who had a trigger that set them off for a period of clinical depression. They have moved on in life, and returned to normality.

So, yes, I get you.

People pick the worst possible times to say things they do not understand, always.

What's even worse are the people who assume that how much you have should be the judge of how happy you should be. So delusional!

hang in there! xxoo

Yes, I feel your pain of people saying "Just get over yourself", or to find a hobby, or exercise and get out of the house, etc. How anyone can think we choose to live a life of darkness, pain and anguish is beyond me. Even worse than not being understood is being ignored for me. My hubby ignores my existance, and that hurts to the core. If we could crawl out of this damn hole, we would. And they don't see that they're only kicking the dirt in on top of us. Hugs.....

Amen. Outsiders don't know the pain and loneliness.

I like your comment about kicking the darkness until you seem some light.

If you get tired swimming, tread water for awhile, the moods come in waves.