Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I'm very depressed today because it's my birthday. It's usually a very bad day. No one will be over and I cannot go anywhere because of the amputations. I have very strong urges to cut. Because I have a very real problem with infections and poor circulation that is a dangerous thing to do. Both of my amputations were from infections from cutting. I've been hospitalized twice with MRSA and once I lost so much blood they had to give me 12 pints. My meds have been working well and I don't think it has anything to do with that, just my birthday. I'm probably going to lose the fight and start cutting. It's short sleeve weather and people are asking what happened to my arms. Birthdays suck pond scum.
I was born on the 2nd of January. My birthdays have always been crap because everyone was broke and hung over. I've done some stupid things on or just days past.
I once cut myself so deeply out of despair and frustration the doctor said if the knife was any sharper I would have cut right through the tendons of both my wrists. The scars are deep and prominent and I went years ashamed of myself and wore long sleeves all the time.
Somewhere along the way I stopped caring what others thought when they found out. Now those scars are like white stripes...more so when I'm tanned.
I didn't start forgiving myself until I began not caring about what went through other people's minds. Now I don't give it a second thought even when reaching out to except change at the store.
I've found they matter less than the signals I get from people who are getting to know the real me and it's them who change their attitude upon seeing the scars...not me.
Real friends see past the exterior and are more interested in what's inside the heart and mind. I've noticed you have your troubles, as we all do to different severity and fluctuations. I've also seen you express compassion for others and well expressed words of comfort for those in distress.
I hope your struggle with depression lifts soon, I'm confident you're done with the cutting. Posting your own birthday thread only shows me the courage you have inside and I am amazed. I don't think many of us could do that.
I do wish you a happy birthday...and if not this one is to be what brings you happiness then tomorrow, or the next day, or week. I have a problem with contentment and happiness...yes they are mutually exclusive but you can't have the latter without the former.
May you find some contentment today, loum.
oxo
Good deal.
But I'm wishing you a happy birthday any how.