I'm beginning to think... It might be MS, just because my symptoms are so varied and so... to the extreme, and then mild and barely noticeable for small (but significant- I NEED the rest) chunks of time. Like... I mean I was sitting on my mother's last night-ish and I just started babbling and using a strange dialect (it started roughly after I commented here on the music threads- you might notice a slight change in my manner of speaking, started doing the whole 'word salad' thing, just mish-mashing words together eccentrically). I even said 'I am a schizophrenic' to my mother without thinking because I started responding only in 'yes' or 'no' questions between bursts of incomprehensible babble and she mocked me and (unintentionally) made me feel stupid as shit, because she thought I was being purposefully esoteric and difficult.

There was this guy at the regional mental institution I was at this summer, my self and a friend called him 'the rambler' because well.... ok does anyone know the meme where the kid in the bear sweater's like "goats are like mushrooms, if you shoot a duck, I'm afraid of toasters?" like THAT except it went on for 24 hours straight or more. And, he must've been brilliant considering how quickly he was able to loosely associate irrelevant happenings. But, that's how I felt, only I panicked bad not five minutes into that because it felt like actual non-stop insanity, like my brain got hijacked by a coked-out Salvador Dali, and I popped a medication because I was terrified and just wanted it to stop.

That's the most extreme and pronounced mental anomaly that I've had lately, but additionally there are the bouts of rather aggressive and unprovoked rage. I'll just be sitting around and suddenly be overcome with a sense of "I fucking hate everyone and myself" and since I can't take that fury out very far on anyone else (both because of inevitable consequence and inevitable guilt) I just... have been doing it to myself. My leg's tore up bad, and if I could get away with worse or more, I would do worse and do more. Muh made me fork over my weapon last time I did a really obvious hackjob. I gave her 2 of my 5 stockpiled razor blades so it'd look like coming entirely clean, however... I know if I cut again, the lie will collapse, and so I'm trying to hold off until I really can't anymore.

Anyways some other symptoms are
-seeing/hearing shit while being in some bizarre half sleep/half wake transcendental state, this is rare but not new
-loss of control of fine motor skills, clumsiness with hands and some difficulty in walking normally/loss of coordination
-pain with no definite source that will go away whenever the hell it decides, I guess

The best way I know how to describe it is that it's like my brain chemicals decide to re-arrange themselves randomly, particularly dopamine. It goes beyond mood shifts, it turns my world upside-down. Does this happen to anyone else? Also what does everyone think of my possible MS theory? (I think I've had some MS in the family- but I asked my mother again and she said my aunt was only related by marriage, so nah)