Bipolar Disorder Support Group
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I wasn't sure about posting this. I know how many of you who know me feel about my ex and I can't say I blame you.
Well I get stressed out lately. I realize that I still have feelings for him. I keep thinking it's not fair that he waited till now to change when we aren't together and never will be. He's made that clear. Not that I really want to get back together with him it's just one of those things that I wish he also wished for it. But he doesn't.
I know we can't get back together for so many reasons I'm not stupid. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. And once more when he does finally get another girlfriend it might just kill me.
Still I try to go down with some dignity in this all. I cry only when I'm alone. And I'm trying not to talk about it with him ever again.
Funny thing is he's the one that provoked me. I was fine until he started acting like a boyfriend and then one day he kissed me. After that I broke down. Funny how fast his attitude toward me changed once he realized I still had feelings for him. That was a while ago and every thing was going fine until recently.
I'm tired. I'd like to move on, but I'm afraid I can't. It's the living hell that never ends. And another thing I was happy when he wasn't back in my life. Why did he have to come back?
I know that's selfish as my daughter has wanted her father for a long time but I wish he never came back. All those years he was gone I knew it was too good to be true. I know someday he'd come back and wreck my world again.
How do you forget some one who's still in your life?
Well I get stressed out lately. I realize that I still have feelings for him. I keep thinking it's not fair that he waited till now to change when we aren't together and never will be. He's made that clear. Not that I really want to get back together with him it's just one of those things that I wish he also wished for it. But he doesn't.
I know we can't get back together for so many reasons I'm not stupid. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. And once more when he does finally get another girlfriend it might just kill me.
Still I try to go down with some dignity in this all. I cry only when I'm alone. And I'm trying not to talk about it with him ever again.
Funny thing is he's the one that provoked me. I was fine until he started acting like a boyfriend and then one day he kissed me. After that I broke down. Funny how fast his attitude toward me changed once he realized I still had feelings for him. That was a while ago and every thing was going fine until recently.
I'm tired. I'd like to move on, but I'm afraid I can't. It's the living hell that never ends. And another thing I was happy when he wasn't back in my life. Why did he have to come back?
I know that's selfish as my daughter has wanted her father for a long time but I wish he never came back. All those years he was gone I knew it was too good to be true. I know someday he'd come back and wreck my world again.
How do you forget some one who's still in your life?
I'm still grieving
And it's okay for you to wish that things were different.
But you're right to do what's best for the kids.
Have you ever gone over to the Breakups and Divorce board?
There are many people who are struggling with still having feelings for an ex-spouse who they still have to have in their lives.
Even if you have no interest in posting there, you might want to lurk a little and read the threads that you can relate to.
I hope that things get easier for you in the future.
(((((Hugs)))))
I mean while he was away and no one knew where he was I was fine. But now that he's back I'm all heart broken and suffering again.
I know I don't have to stay celibate but I just am not interested in a relationship with some one else right now. And my sex drive isn't really all that lately any how.
I guess I"m just real old fashion about love and overly romantic. Feelings not shared on his part.
I really want a soul mate but I never did manage to find one.
That's the kind of remark it might be appropriate to say when you're 100 years old (and on your deathbed.) But not at your age and not now.
When I was first going through my divorce, I joined a group that eventually had over 10,000 members. Not here on DS. I forget where it is, now.
But in the introductory part of it, for new members, one of the things it mentioned was that for some people, 18 months was as long as it took for some people to get over the worst of it and to move on in their lives.
For others, it took 10 years.
But there or here on the breakup board on DS, one piece of advice that seemed pretty universal was to have as little contact with the ex as possible. And preferably none.
Unless you want to keep hoping for the relationship to start up again or keep feeding these unwanted feelings you're experiencing right now, maybe you'd feel better (long term) if you kept all unnecessary contact from taking place, minimize all necessary contact as much as you can and never, ever discuss anything except what absolutely has to be discussed.
If you can work it so that he picks up the kids and drops them off at some family member's house and you never have to lay eyes on him, all the better.
Keep reminding yourself that you were doing fine when there was no contact. (It seems like you're doing that quite nicely. That's a good thing!!)
It's not actually true that it's been 7 years and you're still not over him. Not from what you say. It's more like 'in the past 7 years you've been not over him, over him, and now you're not over him again.
You just need to get back to that state of being over him again.
Sorry for how you're feeling at the moment, though!!!
Good luck!!!
it's just been over 2 1/2 years for me.... it's not as raw... but if I stew on it it's painful... I might just get myself over to the break ups and divorce group.. maybe you can find some solace there too
take care
But I do agree that less contact is probably best for me. I'll do what I can from now on.
Everyone is right to say minimise the contact with him as much as you can.
I know your heart wont listen and you will keep looking for all the good in him and wishing he could be your soulmate.
Your mind knows that won't happen. Hold strong and listen to your mind. Hugs.