I have a lot running through my mind tonight. I have been doing a lot of thinking. I got my diagnosis a year ago. I had gone through a couple of very manic periods in my life but at that time did not know I was bipolar. I was being treated in college for depression but it wasn't until now that they finally found I am bipolar. I was using drugs,slept around, spent way too much money I did not have, and was all over the place emotionally I landed myself in the hospital several times and even had the cops called on my once. It took until now for me to actually feel somewhat stable. I thought I had my stable moments before but I was so wrong. I felt so much happier then though. Part of me is missing those times. I kind of liked it better when I was just going through life doing whatever moved me and not caring what anyone thought of me. Now I am having a very hard time being positive and don't seem to have near the fun I used to have when in my manic phases. I find myself worrying all the time about everything and anything. I know that it is wrong to want that back but I honestly do. I am grateful to be stable but I want to feel that happiness I had when manic.