Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
My MIL is 55 years old, and she is Acting like a child. Because her son confronted her ( without any yelling or being mean) Just talked to her about her problem like a normal person would. She is ingoring me, him and my son, won't talk to us, or pick up her cell when we call. And during all this confronting doesn't even involve me and my 4 year old.
She started blaming me for the problem, because I got her, a male kitten for christmas ( One cat) that is fixed before she started collecting them like crazy. She got the rest of them- and accepted two from her son in law. So I am going to find homes for that cat, since its she is blaming me, again for everything. ( Its her favorite past time. I can have nothing to do with it, Like her hoarding and she throws it on me )
So I am solving the problem that she is saying I caused, if she likes it or not ( BTW- before I got her the kitty, she already had 2 cats. I was trying to make her happy, bad idea)
So I am looking for a good home for 3 of the cats, with pet owners that can care for them properly. If she likes it or not, these cats are going to new homes. That 3 gone, 4 left. ( she has proven she can't take care of 4 or more cats, so our goal is to find home for the others once these 3 are okay. ) I am not going to be paying rent to a new landlord for a nice place, to just let it get destroyed by her animals, and cause me to lose another 3,000 dollars from the security deposit.
Its just frustrating, she is being such a child about this. Her problem is coming between her and her son. As a mother, I would never chose Cats over my son, no matter how old he gets. All Talon is doing is making sure, our new place doesn't become like our last 3 places- cover in cat piss, and ick. There is no way, we can keep up with her 3 cats. Talon is great at cleaning, but he gets so overwhelmed by the mess they make daily, he has given up. He doesn't want to become like that with the new place. Plus, all these cats can get us evicted, if the landlord found out about them and if they mess up his property and Then I will loose another couple thousands, I put up for the security for this place.
So This is my issue of the week. YAY. Not.
(( SIDE NOTE, THE HOUSE IS NOT HER HOUSE< we share expenses. We pay our own way, I even paid the move in fee, and security whenever we move. I buy the furniture and tv's and the big stuff like the dinning room set is mine, that her cats piss on) I am sick of my brand new stuff getting ruin that I buy, so we all live in a nice environment!
Geez. LOL- Life.
I really think she has mental illness of her own, she denies...
She started blaming me for the problem, because I got her, a male kitten for christmas ( One cat) that is fixed before she started collecting them like crazy. She got the rest of them- and accepted two from her son in law. So I am going to find homes for that cat, since its she is blaming me, again for everything. ( Its her favorite past time. I can have nothing to do with it, Like her hoarding and she throws it on me )
So I am solving the problem that she is saying I caused, if she likes it or not ( BTW- before I got her the kitty, she already had 2 cats. I was trying to make her happy, bad idea)
So I am looking for a good home for 3 of the cats, with pet owners that can care for them properly. If she likes it or not, these cats are going to new homes. That 3 gone, 4 left. ( she has proven she can't take care of 4 or more cats, so our goal is to find home for the others once these 3 are okay. ) I am not going to be paying rent to a new landlord for a nice place, to just let it get destroyed by her animals, and cause me to lose another 3,000 dollars from the security deposit.
Its just frustrating, she is being such a child about this. Her problem is coming between her and her son. As a mother, I would never chose Cats over my son, no matter how old he gets. All Talon is doing is making sure, our new place doesn't become like our last 3 places- cover in cat piss, and ick. There is no way, we can keep up with her 3 cats. Talon is great at cleaning, but he gets so overwhelmed by the mess they make daily, he has given up. He doesn't want to become like that with the new place. Plus, all these cats can get us evicted, if the landlord found out about them and if they mess up his property and Then I will loose another couple thousands, I put up for the security for this place.
So This is my issue of the week. YAY. Not.
(( SIDE NOTE, THE HOUSE IS NOT HER HOUSE< we share expenses. We pay our own way, I even paid the move in fee, and security whenever we move. I buy the furniture and tv's and the big stuff like the dinning room set is mine, that her cats piss on) I am sick of my brand new stuff getting ruin that I buy, so we all live in a nice environment!
Geez. LOL- Life.
I really think she has mental illness of her own, she denies...
This happen once before, and all she did was start collecting again. She said she would stop at 4, but instead she went out and go raven, then joe brought two more to show her, and she took thoughs. ( Joe enabled there).
I asked Talon what it feels like to be a parent, again. Its like he has to be the parent to his parent, and guide her to seeing what she is doing to herself, her family and how she is letting her relationship with her kids be effected negatively.
When is your moving date?
I told you I get why you don't like living that way and why you want to make sure that it doesn't keep happening again, in your nice, new place.
I'm sure that it's VERY old, after 6 years and that it gets on your last nerve.
I told you in the other post that you made, that is almost exactly the same as this one, that I acknowledge that perhaps your MIL is not responsible enough to have any pets at all.
I don't have as much of a problem with WHAT you're doing as I do with HOW you are doing it.
6 years of putting up with what you put up with is no small thing and I am not minimizing it.
But it still doesn't make it acceptable to treat a mentally ill person without compassion and sympathy and with no regard for what this is going to do to her and her illness.
You could choose to do things in a much more loving manner.
You could try to get her the professional help she needs, rather than just be angry at her because of the way her mental illness makes her act.
It's a bit ironic for someone with Bipolar Disorder to treat someone else who is mentally ill as if they should just 'snap out it.'
I told you to just ignore my comments and wouldn't have made this post, had you not asked for a further explanation.
What about her mental health? Why does she have to be the one in the wrong? I find it ironical that in a bipolar support group, people don't get that someone is trying to do their best to rectify a bad situation, asked for help and gets accused of not caring for the mentally ill.
Cat feces has a bacteria that is easily air-borne and breathed in and the rest of the people that are forced to live around this bacteria and breathe it in can get a very bad lung problem. A lung problem that is not easy to get rid of.
I feel badly for your mother-in-law - if she loves her cats she will miss them but it is not fair to subject your family to something that can make them ill.
Anyway- I wrote her this letter ( Because I feel that if saying it verbally I would talk to fast, and not be able to organize my words properly. When I get into a discussion and believe what I am saying fully, I tend to get overly hyper as I talk)
Marilyn-
I want to provide you with some information:
Signs of an Overwhelmed Caretaker (Hoarder)
Some awareness
Problem is trigger by loss, change in circumstance, such as financial debt.
Socially isolates
More passive
Initially Provides adequate care and believes that while a problem slowly developed, it is not as serious as over think it is.
Inability to provide minimum standards of care- Cleanliness/ Veterinary ( primarily for sick animals)
Denies the impact on themselves and their family living in the home and the impact on the animals.
A strong need to control something in their life when the person feels other circumstances in their life cannot be controlled.
The person home has a strong smell of Feline Urine
Fleas are common
Effects on the Animals
Stress of chronic confinement, fear, and lack of socialization.
Spread Sickness (Fable- Upper respiratory Infection- easily spread between cats)
Accumulation of ammonia level increase from feces and urine and spreads infectious diseases. (These infections can affect your grandchildren who come in contact with these substances on a daily basis.)
Effects on your son, daughter and grandchild ( I am not adding myself because I understand I am not seen as true family- and Hostiles will be held against me)
Talon ( your only son) feels like you are chosen cats over him. He feels like he doesnt matter to you compare to the cats.
David, Treavin, Elena ( More David on a daily basis) is being exposed to an unhealthy environment
David wont be able to have friends over to the house if this continues because of the smell of feline urine
DaLyn (your only daughter) cannot rely on staying with you in case of emergence.
Your relationship with your son is being impacted in a negative way. Your reaction toward your son is causing him to feel less valued by you. He is feeling like you are pushing him away.
The purpose of this letter is to create a better environment for all of us as a family and to make positive change in your life and our life, as well. The condition with the cats, are not just affecting you, it affect us all as a family unit. I truly think that, the cats are a way for you to control an aspect of your life when you are feeling powerless with so many other aspects.
I empathize with you, and I can help find loving home for the cats that we chose need to go to a new home. No cats will be abandon, I will actively search for safe home for them. We can start with finding homes for Kit, Wyley and Bella. After, we find homes for these three, we can decide as a family, what is best for the remaining cats and us.
With the cats at a more management number, we all can brain storm the best ways to care for the remaining cats.
Some tips I found:
To have a litter box for each cat.
To provide care for sick animals with vet visits as needed.
To invest in the health of your cats. There are some low-cost healthcare plan available for animal, here is a website, you can find more information from: http://www.petinsurance.com/
(Proper care prevent the cats from spreading disease)
If you cant handle this situation on your own, your family can be a source of support and can take proactive steps with you.
P.S. - Please try to understand Talons point of view. He doesnt want his personal belongings and family belongings to become ruin. He doesnt want us living in an unsanitary home. He wants to be comfortable in his living situation. He doesnt want me, to go through what I went through at Sykes, with the smell of cat urine getting into my clothes, with the smell in the air, and cat urinating on my clothing or spray on cloths on low hooks. ( There is no excuse for this, no person should have to go through the emotional trauma from teasing, looks, and rude comments in their workplace because of their personal environment.- Talon doesnt want David experiencing this, when he goes to school, nor do I). We all have the right to live in a healthy home.
- Leanna
I am trying to be understand and emphatic, but show that we will correct this situation and we will be there for her.
And regarding the one line- I have issue with feeling like she accepts me, It may be because she find things to try to blame on me, for everything.
One example from today- she found a crack on her vanity mirror and was yelling at my fiance that I did it because my 4 yr old said I did.
My 4 yr old only says that I do everything is because he hears his mimi ( her) say that I do everything and blame pretty much everything on me. ( I am not imagining it. lol. So many ppl have told me, she does this- even when I think we are getting along, she does it behind my back to other family members, fun times with that)
Anyway-- I started my new job and been at work all week and after week I been going over to the new house, doing more work there to get it ready for us, and then home to eat dinner and do my coursework. I have not been in or near her room, so how in the world did I put a crack in a mirror when I barely been in the house?
Anyway, my fiance reminded her that there is 7 cats locked in her room with her 24/7. And if I did it, I would of had to sneak in without her seeing me, which is impossible and just plain crazy, beyond crazy and I know crazy LOL
NOW, (hopefully) some empathetic effort is being shown for the untreated, mentally ill MIL.
Good!!! Then this post did some good after all.
" This forum puts me off sometimes because how close minded some ppl with mental illness can be."
I agree with you 110%!!!!!!
I truly hope your MIL receives the professional help that she needs.
If I could write 1/2 as good as Carla I would be in total agreement with her.
I am not against what you are doing. I just think it can be done a different way. You have put up with a lot of B.S. and you do deserve a nice clean house. There has got to be a better plan in my opinion.