Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
more incoherent rambling
but I keep thinking how I've always been in the same position, no Position!
I'd like to change this, but I'm not sure how at this point in my life.
Currently I am sacrificing my own life to help my sick mom who may or may not be dieing. It's a very long story but it boils down to this, she had cancer in her appendix, well she had appendicitis and when her appendix burst it might have spread cancer through out her entire abdomen. If that IS what happened she will only have maybe a year and 1/2 before the cancer spreads and kills her. It's not good.
But aside from that major nuclear bomb she is having heart problems and has two lumps one in each breast that she is having removed and biopsied. More good news right?
I've been living at her house for a little over a month now mean while my own life is being put on hold and possibly at risk of jeopardy. ( I could lose my housing and welfare benefits, not to mention who knows what is sitting in my mail box)
Not only this but I'm having problems with my sleep schedule still. If I take ambien it will help me sleep at night and sleep for a normal time span. But as soon as I stop taking it I feel so hellish when I wake up, not to mention that I wake up constantly when I do sleep. But if I keep taking the ambien it causes a dependency. So what should I do about that? Not take it and sleep all day awake all night, or take it and be come dependent on it?
If all that isn't bad enough I'm constantly doing damage control around here. Smoothing every one's ruffled feathers and trying keep the peace between every one. Not only this but I feel like a constant baby sitter being forced into my mom and her boyfriends drama. I basically have to interfere to make them both make better decisions that will resolve their problems. I feel more like the freaking adult than they are acting! I'm 31 I know I have nothing and I basically got no where with my life but do I really need to be tip toeing around two adults who make bad decisions? How much more should I put up with for my mom's health before I have to bail for my own health?
I have my own health problems beside my mental health to worry about, and I have my own home that I"m neglecting for all this. Recently it snowed and I am responsible for clearing the snow, well I haven't been home to do it. I don't have money right now not one red cent and no one has money for the gas for me to go home just to shovel snow. ( I live one hour away) and I've been re arranging my own scheduled appointments around my mothers and my poverty.
I know I have to step up and take more responsibility but some times it makes me just want to run away. But I am questioning how much IS my responsibility and should I really be taking this on? My pdoc made a good point when she asked if there wasn't some one else who could help my mom. But there just isn't.
but I'd appreciate opinions, what do you think is my responsibility and when should I bail out of this bad situation. My mom has 2-3 more weeks before she can officially go back to work, but that could change based on what the results of pending tests come back as.
but I keep thinking how I've always been in the same position, no Position!
I'd like to change this, but I'm not sure how at this point in my life.
Currently I am sacrificing my own life to help my sick mom who may or may not be dieing. It's a very long story but it boils down to this, she had cancer in her appendix, well she had appendicitis and when her appendix burst it might have spread cancer through out her entire abdomen. If that IS what happened she will only have maybe a year and 1/2 before the cancer spreads and kills her. It's not good.
But aside from that major nuclear bomb she is having heart problems and has two lumps one in each breast that she is having removed and biopsied. More good news right?
I've been living at her house for a little over a month now mean while my own life is being put on hold and possibly at risk of jeopardy. ( I could lose my housing and welfare benefits, not to mention who knows what is sitting in my mail box)
Not only this but I'm having problems with my sleep schedule still. If I take ambien it will help me sleep at night and sleep for a normal time span. But as soon as I stop taking it I feel so hellish when I wake up, not to mention that I wake up constantly when I do sleep. But if I keep taking the ambien it causes a dependency. So what should I do about that? Not take it and sleep all day awake all night, or take it and be come dependent on it?
If all that isn't bad enough I'm constantly doing damage control around here. Smoothing every one's ruffled feathers and trying keep the peace between every one. Not only this but I feel like a constant baby sitter being forced into my mom and her boyfriends drama. I basically have to interfere to make them both make better decisions that will resolve their problems. I feel more like the freaking adult than they are acting! I'm 31 I know I have nothing and I basically got no where with my life but do I really need to be tip toeing around two adults who make bad decisions? How much more should I put up with for my mom's health before I have to bail for my own health?
I have my own health problems beside my mental health to worry about, and I have my own home that I"m neglecting for all this. Recently it snowed and I am responsible for clearing the snow, well I haven't been home to do it. I don't have money right now not one red cent and no one has money for the gas for me to go home just to shovel snow. ( I live one hour away) and I've been re arranging my own scheduled appointments around my mothers and my poverty.
I know I have to step up and take more responsibility but some times it makes me just want to run away. But I am questioning how much IS my responsibility and should I really be taking this on? My pdoc made a good point when she asked if there wasn't some one else who could help my mom. But there just isn't.
but I'd appreciate opinions, what do you think is my responsibility and when should I bail out of this bad situation. My mom has 2-3 more weeks before she can officially go back to work, but that could change based on what the results of pending tests come back as.
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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One day runs into the next I can't seem to keep them straightBut i do know it's Tuesday and I start to clean my landord's place again so it'll keep me going although I take breaks more often nowHe doesn't mind and I gwt it doneI hope that you have a good day and can get done what you need toBig hugz sent..Xo
I commend you for taking care of your mom.
So let's just say that I had about a ten year stretch of high stress BS. It was then that I started exhibiting symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.
Caretaking, as I'm sure you very well know, is very stressful.
I don't know what to tell you to do. I'm still taking care of my mother and she is requiring more and more care. It takes a toll on my physical and mental health. But I can't bring myself to NOT take care of her so I guess I'm making the choice of sacrificing myself.
I'm not telling you to do that but I'll tell you one thing. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't do it. I know what it might cost you.
What a sucky situation. There is no good answer.
I wish you and your mom well!! (((((Hugs)))))
The other thing I don't like is my mom's boyfriend is a user. He contributes little to nothing and always needs money. She really needs to get rid of him, he is in a slow but sure process of destroying her life. But I do blame her too because she needs to set the rules and she needs to put her foot down. If he doesn't like it then she needs to tell him he's free to leave. But she is a push over and I think she loves him too much. The sick co dependent kind of love. I'm at wits end because I know all of their problems, hear all their fights, and I'm tired of my mom complaining about her life going down the tubes yet she never does anything to stop it but complain. I do all the damage control, smooth every one's ruffled feathers (my mom's and dave's). I've also been using some psychology on dave and he has made some small improvements because of it.
But dave is a grown man and he needs to shape up faster than it would take me to keep guiding him in the right direction (and mom as well) or he needs to ship out. These two are grown and I can not fix every one else's problems. I hate to see my mom on a sinking ship when her health is going down hill, but I am unable to do anything to help her. She needs to do this stuff for herself.
the dumb ass also agreed to marry him for reasons I can't quite understand. But I'm not too worried about that since dave is still technically married. His wife is refusing to sign divorce papers yet she doesn't want him back.
Also I live in fear that I will some how lose my medical care and therefor lose my meds. I also fear that the meds will stop working over time (But I will deal with that when that comes). My mental health has stabilized and I am functioning much better Which is good because it is a time when I need to be stable and functioning. Still I can not guarantee a life long mental health, these things can be a bit unpredictable. And my illness is quite severe you can read my post on the Your values thread.
While I'm very function and stable right now I've only been this well for a few months, (about 3). That's quite soon to jump into the fire?
Of course I will stick this out for 2-3? more weeks. Any thing more than that, and I will have to think of a better more permanent solution. I don't want to be in a position where I'm homeless again or indebted to any one. Especially any one else on my dad's side of the family. I've been there and I'd like to not go there again if I can avoid it. If I have to move here permanently to take care of my mother I will lose every thing, and when she dies I will be left with nothing. It'll be like recovering from drug addiction all over again.
I guess I didn't really want to think about all this but I worry what will happen if it turns out she's terminally ill, and not just temporarily ill.
He spends money on what ever his heart desires with no thought to bills that need paid or saving up for the future which looks bleak at this point. I see a slowly sinking ship and my instinct is to swim to shore before the boat gets too far away and sinks. I'd like to save my mom but I can't she needs to jump off the boat and swim to shore on her own.
I hope that her considerable health concerns turn out to be okay.
Sheesh!!! I wish you all luck with everything!!!! (((((Hugs)))))
I just hope I can tie up lose ends this week. I have a lot to do. \
Still I'm a bit nervous to leave her alone with dave. They had a fight and I did give her some advice which she took, but dave still blew up at her. I'm not sure why but he always takes advice from me and never blows up at me but then I'm not in a relation ship with him. I just don't like the way he blows up over every thing with her. She probably handled him wrong from the start but it's hard to say. Any way, I just hope it's going to be ok for me to go home I don't want the peace to be disrupted while I'm gone. Especially since we don't even know where her health is going yet, extra stress makes you go down hill faster.