Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hi, I have a question for all you beepers out there...
Today I went in the attic and found all this great artwork and poems and school work and pictures and accomplishments from my life. It was great! I thought I had lost all that stuff somewhere along the way. But after seeing all this great stuff, I began to ponder about why I don't do art anymore....
Art was my life, it lived in my brain... in my being. I was always doing art... everywhere! With anything and everything! Sigh... it's what made me, me! Looking at all the creative stuff I was doing, I realized that was really gifted.
But notice how I say that in the past tense.
Last May-July I had a manic/psychotic episode and it was pretty bad. I went into a great hospital by choice and saved my life. But now, I take heavy medication... I have gone through some brain trauma... and I am not the same.
I jitter a bit, I think that's from the meds. But what's worse is my passion is gone, my love for art, my love to create.... I don't feel like doing art anymore.
I can't even get creative enough to write a song with my guitar, that's another thing I found were lyrics to songs I wrote.
So my question for you is, have any of you gone through manic episodes and maybe psychosis and felt like you lost a piece of yourself afterwards?
My mom says I'm still in recovery and I may slowly get those things back in time.
I sure hope so, sometimes I feel like I just don't care.
Today I went in the attic and found all this great artwork and poems and school work and pictures and accomplishments from my life. It was great! I thought I had lost all that stuff somewhere along the way. But after seeing all this great stuff, I began to ponder about why I don't do art anymore....
Art was my life, it lived in my brain... in my being. I was always doing art... everywhere! With anything and everything! Sigh... it's what made me, me! Looking at all the creative stuff I was doing, I realized that was really gifted.
But notice how I say that in the past tense.
Last May-July I had a manic/psychotic episode and it was pretty bad. I went into a great hospital by choice and saved my life. But now, I take heavy medication... I have gone through some brain trauma... and I am not the same.
I jitter a bit, I think that's from the meds. But what's worse is my passion is gone, my love for art, my love to create.... I don't feel like doing art anymore.
I can't even get creative enough to write a song with my guitar, that's another thing I found were lyrics to songs I wrote.
So my question for you is, have any of you gone through manic episodes and maybe psychosis and felt like you lost a piece of yourself afterwards?
My mom says I'm still in recovery and I may slowly get those things back in time.
I sure hope so, sometimes I feel like I just don't care.
It's actually comical how much stuff I lost in this last manic episode.
I through a rolex in a pond, lost all my suitcases with my best chothes, took one way flights with not returns.. lost all the $$$$$ I worked for.
I guess you have to make light of it, because there really is nothing else you can do.
I am going to stick around for a little while.. I just hope with the seasons changing I don't get really depressed, deep depressions usually follow mania.
How is your recovery going grenadine? At least you have a good attitude about everything.. that's positive
My creativity is dead
My heart beats for no one.
I long for the old me
longing for the old, more passionate me that woke up every morning with a purpose...
Oh well maybe there is a silver lining somewhere..
Since I've been stable, I haven't picked up my pencils. I find that I have the things that normal people do in life taking up my time and my feelings. I feel a little stunted. I think it's still there I just don't know how to access it.
When I was recovering in the mental hospital I was in last June, I made myself a mantra:
"I am strong, and worthy of living a happy and healthy life."
I don't say this enough to myself. Maybe you can use it. Gotta keep telling yourself positive things.
Thanks for letting me know how the illness and medication has affected you in your life.