Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hi All, I married my husband in 1984 at 18ys of age. By the time I reached 26 I had 4 children. I can't remember if i was in love or he was in the right place at the right time.
Ever since I had kids, my moods were quite erratic. I was working night shifts from when my first born was 5 weeks of age, so had broken sleep.
I can't tell you how many times I wanted to leave my marriage. I was even going to terminate my 2nd pregnancy with my daughter and leave my son with his Dad. I felt trapped, would smash things and bite my hands. My husband would just say I was tired or it was hormonal. He would put me to bed....I'd sleep then the next day everything was swept under the carpet and life would go on.
It wasn't till approx 1998 that my GP put me on 50mg of Zoloft which stopped my physical feeling of frustration and stopped me smashing things.
I left my marriage May 2009, as a result of my first major manic episode resulting in Hypersexuality, spending and ingnoring the running of my business.
At the time my husband was devastated and begged my return. He know i'd changed but didn't know what it was.
March 2010 I fell into a depression, then diagnosed with Bipolar 1. As I learned more about it, it became obvious that I have had it since my late teens.
What a relief. Since then my husband has been supportive of me and when I was low, I was begging him to take me back. He couldn't give me an answer. When I'm manic, I feel strong and don't need him. Or so I think.
Then in June, the day of our 26 anniversary, I had discovered that he had been having and affair with a workmate for 3 yrs which started 4 yrs ago.
I can't help think that his behaviour toward me in those years ( I did suspect it at the time) had some effect on triggering my manic episode.
In the span of a day of me discovering the affair, he is wanting me to come home.
How can I forgive such deceit of such duration?
I still don't love him.... haven't for a long time, but part of me feels that being married to him gave me safe boundaries.
Can I grow to love him?
I also have Polycystic Kidney disease so will eventually need dialysis.
Is it the lure of manic sexuality with random partners confusing my mind.
He is a good man but I've alway felt the mediocrity of our marriage but now think the times that I was looking for excitement and always wanting more was when I was Manic.
Ever since I had kids, my moods were quite erratic. I was working night shifts from when my first born was 5 weeks of age, so had broken sleep.
I can't tell you how many times I wanted to leave my marriage. I was even going to terminate my 2nd pregnancy with my daughter and leave my son with his Dad. I felt trapped, would smash things and bite my hands. My husband would just say I was tired or it was hormonal. He would put me to bed....I'd sleep then the next day everything was swept under the carpet and life would go on.
It wasn't till approx 1998 that my GP put me on 50mg of Zoloft which stopped my physical feeling of frustration and stopped me smashing things.
I left my marriage May 2009, as a result of my first major manic episode resulting in Hypersexuality, spending and ingnoring the running of my business.
At the time my husband was devastated and begged my return. He know i'd changed but didn't know what it was.
March 2010 I fell into a depression, then diagnosed with Bipolar 1. As I learned more about it, it became obvious that I have had it since my late teens.
What a relief. Since then my husband has been supportive of me and when I was low, I was begging him to take me back. He couldn't give me an answer. When I'm manic, I feel strong and don't need him. Or so I think.
Then in June, the day of our 26 anniversary, I had discovered that he had been having and affair with a workmate for 3 yrs which started 4 yrs ago.
I can't help think that his behaviour toward me in those years ( I did suspect it at the time) had some effect on triggering my manic episode.
In the span of a day of me discovering the affair, he is wanting me to come home.
How can I forgive such deceit of such duration?
I still don't love him.... haven't for a long time, but part of me feels that being married to him gave me safe boundaries.
Can I grow to love him?
I also have Polycystic Kidney disease so will eventually need dialysis.
Is it the lure of manic sexuality with random partners confusing my mind.
He is a good man but I've alway felt the mediocrity of our marriage but now think the times that I was looking for excitement and always wanting more was when I was Manic.
I really don't have any answers for you about how and if to forgive him or whether to stay in your marriage or not. i do think there is some wisdom in not making any changes or seeking new love right now. It will take some time to stabilize out your mood. Wait until then to make a decision to leave and talk to your pdoc about it too.
And yes, you might grow to love him. It does happen imo. I used to not think of my husband as a soulmate---but after many many years he has become one.
I saw my Psychologist today and she feels I'm Rapid Cycling so I'll call my Psychiatrist tomorrow.
Thanks for all your time.