Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
OK, so I get the "don't kill yourself, for your kids" thing. I really do. I have a daughter now, and I am positive I'd be suicidal if she weren't around. Now I am not (a least not compulsively like it used to be). Still, I am scared to death because I can't work, and I make the money, pay the mortgage, get health insurance... What happens the day I lose my job? (This was purely a rhetorical question.)
So, I understand not taking too many pills, because you love someone who wants to see you there. I understand taking the small things in life, tickling your child, laughing with them, hugging, running through snow, etc... I understand living for someone else. But how does one get up in the morning, wake up, (in that order, yes, for me), go to work, and actually do something there? How does one do work for someone else? How?
So, I understand not taking too many pills, because you love someone who wants to see you there. I understand taking the small things in life, tickling your child, laughing with them, hugging, running through snow, etc... I understand living for someone else. But how does one get up in the morning, wake up, (in that order, yes, for me), go to work, and actually do something there? How does one do work for someone else? How?
I have had very challenging and stressful jobs in the past. I have to write everything down. Keep a journal of what needs to be done and follow-up dates. Usually have an excell spreadsheet going to keep tract of things or even a calendar book with large blocks to be able to write everything in. I would never be able to remember everything in my head and I would not expect anyone else to do so either.
Lots of Love,
Shell
Part of the problem is that I don't feel relaxed at home. My stupid husband decided to become abusive last year, because he was overwhelmed with the baby, my sickness and all. I truly feel a need to run away, and I can't leave my daughter behind. What if there is a custody issue later on, and I say "my husband is abusive, but I left my daughter with him anyway"?
Obviously, I am one troubled person. My pdoc is useless, my therapists leaves the hospital in June, and my insurance only pays for 20 visits a year anyway. What I need is a vacation from my life.
I don't know what to do about work. I don't trust my HR department, (because of some unrelated problems I had with them years ago, and because I keep getting answers to them about things that I know they're mistaken about), and I am a little scared of going over their heads without a good backing from my pdoc.
I know I'm not screwed, I found out years ago that there is always a solution (better than hanging yourself) to (almost) every situation. But it just seems to me my life will have to change drastically in the next few months, and that's really scary. Having to disclose a mental illness to my employer - now that's fun!
Thanks for listening, all of you.