Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
OK, so I get the "don't kill yourself, for your kids" thing. I really do. I have a daughter now, and I am positive I'd be suicidal if she weren't around. Now I am not (a least not compulsively like it used to be). Still, I am scared to death because I can't work, and I make the money, pay the mortgage, get health insurance... What happens the day I lose my job? (This was purely a rhetorical question.)
So, I understand not taking too many pills, because you love someone who wants to see you there. I understand taking the small things in life, tickling your child, laughing with them, hugging, running through snow, etc... I understand living for someone else. But how does one get up in the morning, wake up, (in that order, yes, for me), go to work, and actually do something there? How does one do work for someone else? How?
So, I understand not taking too many pills, because you love someone who wants to see you there. I understand taking the small things in life, tickling your child, laughing with them, hugging, running through snow, etc... I understand living for someone else. But how does one get up in the morning, wake up, (in that order, yes, for me), go to work, and actually do something there? How does one do work for someone else? How?
Anybody else has an attention problem? So bad that they can't work? It got significantly worse after a bad episode? I feel brain-damaged.
But it seems that people do not connect to what my problem is. I am not suicidal. I am not unmotivated. (Well, I am, but that's not the problem.) I actually do not have a day-to-day problem, I have a minute-to-minute problem to stay focused. I can't remember what I thought about five seconds ago. I forget meetings, assignments, appointments. I can't keep more than one thing at a time in my head. I have a mental problem. Um, we know that. I mean, I have a mental, not emotional problem.
So if noone here gets that, than it's not a BP thing, right? Or is my job way too demanding? Would I find it easier in a different career, say, a licensed massage therapist? I don't think so. Someone would have to drive me to my appointments, cause I wouldn't be able to keep track of whom I'm seeing when.
I've gone through periods like this, but it never lasted this long, and the stakes were never this high before. I am scared, really.
Unfortuneately don't have any advice but just want to say I relate! That is my toughest problem right now and I am trying to figure out what to do with my job. It is a good job, good co-workers but I can't handle the stress and lately am completely dragging myself in every day. I have had to quit 4 other jobs in banking but I keep trying again because I use to do so well but it seems like I can't even fake it anymore.