I'm pretty sure I have learned helplessness. I know there are things that need to be done but it's very hard for me to come up with motivation to do them.
I'm writing this because I had terrible nightmare last night relating to me not being able to take care of myself. When I woke up, I layed there for awhile listen to my cat snore. I found that comforting.
I'm working on getting a self esteem, something I lost a long time ago. Before Covid-19 hit, I had a good thing going. I had been working a job for a little over 3 months and I really miss it. I saw my boyfriend once a week and go to a "fancy" restaurant once a month. Then the virus showed up out of the blue and took away my job. I rarely see my boyfriend, instead we talk on the phone every night(I am thankful for that). Many things are shut down. The human race has lost a lot to Covid-19.
My thoughts are things like, "why should I get another Job? It will just get taken away." Also, "Why ask for help? People won't want to." I get the heebie jeebies about doing anything anymore. It's like my brain was put through a blender. Most of the time I sit and watch tv. Goof around on the internet. I don't know what happened. I used to be much more productive. I know it was a series of losses that brought on my nervous breakdown in early 2004. I was never the same after that.
And made a teddy bear! My gown was cluttering my closet so I turned it into a teddy bear I can love and hug :) Rocket approves
have this final assignment and it's been beating me up. we don't have support through the school so i'm basically figuring it out on my own. i have no motivation to do it and am resorting to things like caffeine pills to get me through this. it's worth 40% of my mark. my grades from my other courses are fine so one bad grade is not the end of the world, i'll still pass.if i forget about this...