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Just want to cry.

doorknob
doorknob
I admit I was reading a lot of stuff that has effected my mood.

Not here of course but other places on the internet. It has made me angry upset and finally sad. Now I just want to sit and stew about it and also cry. I am taking some ambien now and hoping to sleep it off.

I guess I'm mad because while trying to do some research on drugs and how they effect mental illness I came across a discussion board. It' is quite obvious the stigma around drug addiction and mental illness too. While mental illness is a step above drug addiction in public opinion neither one gets a lot of sympathy. I know this is nothing new. but reading all the comments on that discussion has put me in a fowl mood.

I knew I shouldn't have read it, but I am one of those people that if I start reading something I can not pull myself away from it. Even after it starts upsetting me.

:( any how I'm going to sleep it off now. Any one else get pissed off over public opinion and how just plain ignorant people can be when they haven't experienced something for them selves?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well first off I feel somewhat guilty you read that drug information, because I pretty much brought up the topic. You shouldn't be angry, or sad at what the "normal" people think. They all have their own ailments and addictions no matter who it is. Everyone is messed up in their own ways so to read into their opinions too much is never a good thing, especially when they have no empathy for the mentally ill, none of us chose this life, its a hard one, but we also don't take life for granted, and we understand the world around us better because we are so emotional and able to tap into others feelings. Most people out there are heartless and us beepers are so full of emotion and feelings, we sometimes let them get the better of us. You are doing the right thing by taking your ambien and hitting the pillow, forget about those who are less fortunate than you...mentally, and pray that they will grow an empathetic bone in their body.
doorknob
doorknob
no don't feel bad at all. It had nothing to do with your topic I was already researching it before I even read your post. I have another friend

who is tempted to use a specific drug who claims it does not effect mental illness so I was trying to find out if that was true or not. Apparently his doctor told him so how ever I have never heard that before and I am a drug addict in recovery.

So no it is not in any way your fault. It's not related to you and it is mere coincidence that you happened to post that and I responded to it. I was already upset at that time it's just that it was slowly building up. LOL

I know I said I was going to sleep but I just turned my lappy on to play some music as back round noise. "I can feel myself becoming paranoid. Seeing things and hearing shit in my house so it scared me. Any how I got curious and checked to see if any one posted yet LOL.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ughh I hate it when that happens to me....Are you on an anti psychotic for the hallucinations?
doorknob
doorknob
no I can no longer take anti psychotics because I tend to stop breathing or have difficulties breath. (I choke on nothing and I snore while awake it's embarrassing and I can't control it. It last for a few hours right after I take them usually. but it can be delayed til the next morning when I eat something. yeah embarrassing and my uncle forced me to go to the hospital so they could test me and tell me there was nothing wrong. I have tried other psychotics and they do it as well. I'm on the lamical right now and it seems to be working really well. So hopefully it will remain that way for a while. but I still see shit on lamictal all the time its just that it freaks me out in my own house. I have to leave the light on.
StuckAtHome
StuckAtHome
I hope you're feeling better this morning doorknob.
((big hugs)) Crystal

P.S. I almost typed bug hugs, lol :-D
doorknob
doorknob
yes I will try to stay away from them in the future but that one was just unavoidable. It drew me like a bug zapper LOL,

btw I'm fine today. I woke up feeling tired but better. oh yawn I have to try to move around a little bit. Hopefully I decide to clean to day. \

thank you every one :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have a CPS with all the drugs complete mechanisms and side effects. The internet is not always the best source of reliable information, and then I don't get draw into the stigma, which I am finally overcoming myself, and not being ashamed to talk about it anymore. Sorry you had a bad day, but glad you are better, doorknob.
MageMichael
MageMichael
You shouldn't take what other people say aboiut mental illness to heart. They are not where you are or I am and they have no idea what it is like to struggle through each day. I can tell you I have thought about offing myselft so many times it isn't funny but in the end I am still here and so are you. We have a mental illness and as such need treatment. End of story. Without my meds I would be dead, that is a fact, and my parents and siblings would all suffer for it because they would not udnerstand the kind of emotional pain I am in that causes suicide. For them it is just incomprehensible. But for us, we understand the pain and understand why people take their lives over it. It is all encompansing and really drags you down.