Getting ready to go bed after a really crappy day. Every year my dad's side of the family has a get-together and I only ever see them at this event. This is one of the worst, if not the worst, days for my anxiety and social anxiety. This essentially causes a mental shut down, leaving me very untalkative and awkward. Leaving the dinner today, I was feeling somewhat proud of myself for not falling back into any self-harm habits this year as I commonly have in past years. But when we got back to my grandparents' house, I overheard my father loudly talking/yelling to my mother in another room. He was talking about my behavior today and was quite nasty about it. Highlights included "she's just being an asshole", "I don't understand why she's using this as revenge", "she's embarrassing, I feel embarrassed", "she can't use her 'illness' as an excuse to be rude". Pretty much a total takedown, one point to dad, I guess he won this round. Trips give me crippling anxiety and this trip is particularly bad but I tried my best today. I said 'please' and 'thank you' and did what I could. I just feel so awful. I really can't believe he would say all those things. Just really hating myself today.