Having been suicidal I can understand your thinking. I saw the light and life is worth hanging on to as long as we can. Yes, I think that if you put yourself in harms way in a medical fashion and refusing treatment then that falls under the heading of suicide. That's my 2 cents worth. I found that I needed an attitude adjustment and I got it.

Yes of course it is.... If you feel that hopeless right now TC please go to emerg.... Perhaps going in patient will give you the support you need right now and help you to find stability.... Big hug for you and a blessing sweetie...xo

In a word, yes. It's a conscious decision to not prevent your own death. Just like the same decision to not prevent the death of another person is murder.

I am familiar with the belief that I cannot do this any more. And, honestly, sometimes the only reason I have sought external help is bc of my friends here. I hope you will be able to find some help so that you don't have to feel this way.

((hugs))

I Ty guys. I am ok right this second. Just so much stress. I am dealing with my toxic family and stresses of job searching. I had a possible option of a telemarketing job, but that is not a professional I would do well at mentally, even if I did feel mentally stable. I could not stand having someone screaming or cussing at me. Not good. And my family is, of course, judging me for not wanting to do it. Whatever. They judge me for everything anyway. I am just feeling mentally desperate. Ty for helping!!!

I feel at the very least you're potentially being rather self destructive. I just know if you're feeling suicidal you should immediately seek help. Good luck to you.

So glad to hear you're feeling better, TC. Yes, it is suicide to not prevent your own death. Please remember this awful disease has the ability to make us turn on ourselves. Be good to yourself, as much as you can, and try each day to do something worth living for. A walk? A sunset? A cup of tea? A fuzzy friend?

Big hugs, TC. I hope you continue to feel better. xoxo

I get where you are coming from when you say people are judging you when you are in a bad place that you mentioned in a reply. I recently had a mild high - they are normally ultra manic - but this time I actually knew what was happening and went to my pdoc, as I now take a mood stabiliser that suits me 24/7 365. However, during this time I convinced myself that those in my family and close friends who know about my bp were judging me and this made me sad to an extent that I almost upped sticks to move 500 miles away to live with my girlfriend.

When I got back to the 'normal' zany annoying me, I realised that those 'judging' me, in my case, were just deeply concerned about my behaviour because they love me. I am not trying to say that this is the situation in your case judging wise, as there, maybe, the 'pull yourself together' attitude going on with some. Easier said than done! This time for me only one person has, as I write, broken all contact with me. Ironically it is a fellow bp er who has previously preached about a raw deal we get. I think she is a hypocrite and that, rightly or wrongly, is currently my judgement on her!

With regard to your suicide question, yes it is. I would also like to add that suicide is murder. I am sure you would not want to do that to others, so why think about doing it to yourself? I sincerely hope that you get good counselling and correct meds if needed and even self help which helped me four years ago when I was one day away from doing something stupid. It took a long time to get over my deep depression, but now my world is a far better place than even times of long stability. You can do it mate, do not give in to giving up.

My guess would be to go to the doc to get meds to keep your DB under control better and of course monitoring it all the time to keep yourself healthy. As for feeling suicidal I would go to your local behavioral clinic.

Hugs TC hope today is better for you.

Suicide ideation is not a pleasant experience. It is avoidable. Self care is so important. Be kind to yourself and follow a healthy way of living. Big hug

Mark

yes its still suicide. :( there must be some point to all this suffering

@ each - you seem very familar?

What a tough situation TC

I'm going with taking your life is a very important thing.... Do it when you feel better....

Get some help getting out of this depression do it today. Advocate for yourself this is serious I'm with many others go to the ER right away....

((((Hugs)))) we are going to get to the other side of this!

...or maybe there is no point...

*bump*
WARNING. THIS MAY TRIGGER. I finally fell asleep last night. I had an absolutely atrocious nightmare. It and everything else has had me having major panic attack issues todAy. I dreamt that I accidentally smothered something by rolling over on it while I was asleep. And when I realized what had happened, it was too late. I tried everything to bring it back to life. It woke me up it was such an awful dream. I have been having a seriously bad time all day. I tried to go swim laps, but I keep hyperventilating when I would swim underwater. I am a complete mess. I am afraid of becoming homeless because of my job situation. I am hurting so bad mentally thT I cannot even put it into words. I probably should get hell but I would have to go through the ER and I've heard that they just send you home.