This will be my last post for the foreseeable future. My 30 day stay at the
shelter is almost over and I will be going to a place where I won't have
any access to a library.

The Shade Tree Women's Shelter and the Salvation Army Shelter are
both in the northern part of the city, 3 blocks apart from each other, in a
rundown neighborhood. The sidewalks between the 2 shelters are lined
with tents. People live in these tents because the shelters are always full.
People who are not lucky enough to have a tent wrap up in a blanket and
lay down on the sidewalk wherever they can find room. Other people,
like myself, who aren't lucky enough to have a tent or a blanket simply lay
down on the sidewalk in their clothing. For me this means a tshirt, jeans
and a sweatshirt jacket. I don't have any winter clothes. But I am glad it is
winter. In the summertime people who live outside can easily die
painful deaths from the heat. I will be shivering quite a bit but at least I
won't die from it.

I went to the Welfare Office to see if I could get my food stamps reinstated
using the shelters address. My caseworker said no, and told me I could
not use a post office box address either (it costs $70 to rent a post office
box for 6 months, the minimum time allowed, and that is way out of my
league anyway). My caseworker explained to me that being able to receive
mail is not the point. What matters is whether or not you have a kitchen
in which to prepare the food. No kitchen, no food stamps.

The same is true of the food bank. The local food bank, which is operated
by the Lutheran church, requires that you not only provide valid Nevada
identification but that you also provide a current bill proving that you have
a current residence. Again, no kitchen, no food.

Soup kitchens have a limited amount of food available that they can serve
at each meal. There is no such thing as a bottomless pot of soup.
The lines at soup kitchens are long. The people at the front of the line
get fed, the people at the end of the line do not. I know that the people in
line are just as needy and deserving - some more so - as I am. So I won't
bother getting in line because I don't want to end up taking food from
someone who might need it more than I do.

I understand how to lay down on the sidewalk. And I understand how to
go hungry. What I don't understand is how to get through a day without
the use of a toilet. There are no public toilets anywhere near the shelters.
No stores or libraries within walking distance. And I highly doubt the two
shelters allow hundreds of people to line up each day to use their toilets.
So where do all those people go? How do they manage? I have thought
about it and thought about it and just don't have an answer. Guess I will
find out when I get there.

Water. This is a critical issue. Where do all those people get their drinking
water? Again, there are no public water fountains anywhere nearby, and
I can't see the shelters letting all those people in to get water each day.
I can' last a long time without food but would survive only a few days
without water. This has me seriously worried.

Living in my car was Paradise. I had a place to sleep and food stamps
to eat with (my food stamps were certified for 6 months right before I
became homeless, they expired on December 1st). I had access to toilets
and water fountains at stores and the library. All my needs were met.
It never bothered me one bit that I had no shower or clean clothing.
Those things are luxuries, not necessities. After all, what really matters
is staying alive, and staying alive is going to get a whole lot harder to do
in the next few days.

I know I could lay down on the sidewalk anywhere in the city, somewhere
close to stores or a library where I would have access to toilets and water
fountains. But if I do that I am inviting harassment from police and criminals
alike. It is much safer to lay down with a group of other people who are all
doing the same thing. I am less likely to stand out that way.

Most people are incredibly fortunate. They have a place to live, not just
to stay temporarily, but to actually LIVE. And they have food to eat too.
It's amazing! And yet... these same people still complain about their lives.
Shouldn't they be feeling overwhelmed with gratitude? I just don't understand.

As for me, I have two arms that work and two legs that work.
I have two eyes that can see and two ears that can hear.
I am very lucky. And I am grateful too.

I will miss you all. Take care.