Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
It's a long story and I already got disconnected once while trying to explain it earlier today.
I guess I'm just sick and tired of getting used constantly.
I consider myself to be compassionate and generous. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. But it's one thing to give the guy begging for change on the street corner a few dollars and another to try and be super man and a save a grown woman!
An old friend from rehab popped back up in my life. Now I haven't seen her for a few years. And I had no idea if she was clean or really any thing about her. But she was one of the nicest people in rehab too me so I could at least offer a friendship to her right?
Wrong. I find out she's having a crisis again. She's going homeless and needs money for a storage unit. She's going to pay me back on monday. And it was a lot of money! A couple hundred dollars!
She knew I had it since she figured out I just got SSDI. I just bought a new car and new furniture. She sees all this stuff so she guessed as much.
Now I was not feeling good about lending her that kind of money but I've always believed I'd rather get ripped off than turn my back on some one. So I lent it to her.
Now that's one thing I didn't really expect her to pay me back right away if ever. I could read the internal conflict going on in her face. So it left me wondering if she was lying or if she really was trying to get back on her feet.
Now some time goes by and I was avoiding her for awhile. But finally I answered her call and once again I came to her rescue. She didn't ask me for money right away but after a few days she needed a ride. She pulls out 600 dollars towards a security deposit on an apartment that she needs because she's homeless and going broke staying at the hotel. At this point I still didn't know for sure if she was telling me the truth or not but I gave her the extra that she needed.
But while all this is happening I'm carefully keeping track of every thing she's saying. It was bugging me for quite some time too. But her story just wasn't adding up. And once I thought about all the things she said that were obvious lies and how she was playing on my sympathy I started getting a little burned up over it. Especially because she was stressing me out emotionally. I have enough problems let alone trying to solve some one else's.
Finally last friday she calls me for a lift again. I lied and said I had an appointment and I'd call her back in an hour. Now she isn't asking for money but she's dropping bombs on me about how she needs 265$ as a prorate for the rest of the month of july so she can move in before the first. I started off saying I can't give you another dime I don't have it. Which now that I lent her all that money I myself am in a hole.
She got a little flippent on me and said " I didn't ask you for money!" And then she's listing off examples of things she's done to gain my trust. Which is true she could have stolen things but didn't. So I said I'd pick her up later that day. But it gave me plenty of time to think about what she just did and pick a part how her con was working on me. I wasn't stable enough mentally to handle her so I shut my phone off.
It was still stressing me out though because I know how these users operate. Once you give them a little bit they never stop asking. Even when you say no a few times they keep asking and trying to wear you down. But I know I'm not strong enough to deal with it right now. My nerves are raw.
So I sent her a text saying
"Our friend ship is terminated. Lose this number. You know where the NA meetings are. Have a nice life."
Now I don't know if she's using all though I'm pretty certain she is. about 90% sure of it. I can give a detailed explanation on why I know that later if some one asks but I'm just not in the mood to re hash a story that will take way longer than this to explain.
Now think what you will about how I went about cutting her off. But it sends a very clear message and I wanted this over and done with ASAP so I don't have to worry or stress over it. She hasn't called me since.
But I know that drug addicts can be very vindictive and some one tried to break into my car recently. They destroyed the weather strip on the passenger side to the point were it's noticeable when I drive. It sounds like the window is down when it's not.
But I don't know that it was her. First of all people are always looking in my car. Why I don't know. They walk past all the other cars but always stop and look in mine. I have a mazada 626 and it is very nice looking. But still they don't do this to any one elses car so why mine?
Also one of our neighbors recently had a rock thrown through his car's window. And that had nothing to do with her.
Now Janet my next door neighbor is telling me to watch out because the people across the street saw some of the drama with my friend from the past. They think I have money and now some one made comments about "She got her check today"
What is it about me? So many people have walked all over my heart! I already have severe trust issues. It took Janet a long time to gain my trust. Even Janet was crying over it. She said for two years you sat in that house with nothing. Not a single person bothered to check on you or help you. Now all the sudden people want your money! She said the day she saw my friend she knew that she was going to ask me for money.
At least I have Janet. She looks out for me. But why do these users keep being attracted to me? I managed to avoid them for years now it's like they can smell money that I no longer have. they are coming out of the wood work and trying to get friendly with me. And I'm not a friendly person either. I'm pretty nasty with people I don't know.
The only reason tonya got any money out of me is simply because I already knew her or thought I did.
My heart is broken and I'm losing my faith in humanity. Are there any decent people who aren't looking to use me left in this world?
I guess I'm just sick and tired of getting used constantly.
I consider myself to be compassionate and generous. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. But it's one thing to give the guy begging for change on the street corner a few dollars and another to try and be super man and a save a grown woman!
An old friend from rehab popped back up in my life. Now I haven't seen her for a few years. And I had no idea if she was clean or really any thing about her. But she was one of the nicest people in rehab too me so I could at least offer a friendship to her right?
Wrong. I find out she's having a crisis again. She's going homeless and needs money for a storage unit. She's going to pay me back on monday. And it was a lot of money! A couple hundred dollars!
She knew I had it since she figured out I just got SSDI. I just bought a new car and new furniture. She sees all this stuff so she guessed as much.
Now I was not feeling good about lending her that kind of money but I've always believed I'd rather get ripped off than turn my back on some one. So I lent it to her.
Now that's one thing I didn't really expect her to pay me back right away if ever. I could read the internal conflict going on in her face. So it left me wondering if she was lying or if she really was trying to get back on her feet.
Now some time goes by and I was avoiding her for awhile. But finally I answered her call and once again I came to her rescue. She didn't ask me for money right away but after a few days she needed a ride. She pulls out 600 dollars towards a security deposit on an apartment that she needs because she's homeless and going broke staying at the hotel. At this point I still didn't know for sure if she was telling me the truth or not but I gave her the extra that she needed.
But while all this is happening I'm carefully keeping track of every thing she's saying. It was bugging me for quite some time too. But her story just wasn't adding up. And once I thought about all the things she said that were obvious lies and how she was playing on my sympathy I started getting a little burned up over it. Especially because she was stressing me out emotionally. I have enough problems let alone trying to solve some one else's.
Finally last friday she calls me for a lift again. I lied and said I had an appointment and I'd call her back in an hour. Now she isn't asking for money but she's dropping bombs on me about how she needs 265$ as a prorate for the rest of the month of july so she can move in before the first. I started off saying I can't give you another dime I don't have it. Which now that I lent her all that money I myself am in a hole.
She got a little flippent on me and said " I didn't ask you for money!" And then she's listing off examples of things she's done to gain my trust. Which is true she could have stolen things but didn't. So I said I'd pick her up later that day. But it gave me plenty of time to think about what she just did and pick a part how her con was working on me. I wasn't stable enough mentally to handle her so I shut my phone off.
It was still stressing me out though because I know how these users operate. Once you give them a little bit they never stop asking. Even when you say no a few times they keep asking and trying to wear you down. But I know I'm not strong enough to deal with it right now. My nerves are raw.
So I sent her a text saying
"Our friend ship is terminated. Lose this number. You know where the NA meetings are. Have a nice life."
Now I don't know if she's using all though I'm pretty certain she is. about 90% sure of it. I can give a detailed explanation on why I know that later if some one asks but I'm just not in the mood to re hash a story that will take way longer than this to explain.
Now think what you will about how I went about cutting her off. But it sends a very clear message and I wanted this over and done with ASAP so I don't have to worry or stress over it. She hasn't called me since.
But I know that drug addicts can be very vindictive and some one tried to break into my car recently. They destroyed the weather strip on the passenger side to the point were it's noticeable when I drive. It sounds like the window is down when it's not.
But I don't know that it was her. First of all people are always looking in my car. Why I don't know. They walk past all the other cars but always stop and look in mine. I have a mazada 626 and it is very nice looking. But still they don't do this to any one elses car so why mine?
Also one of our neighbors recently had a rock thrown through his car's window. And that had nothing to do with her.
Now Janet my next door neighbor is telling me to watch out because the people across the street saw some of the drama with my friend from the past. They think I have money and now some one made comments about "She got her check today"
What is it about me? So many people have walked all over my heart! I already have severe trust issues. It took Janet a long time to gain my trust. Even Janet was crying over it. She said for two years you sat in that house with nothing. Not a single person bothered to check on you or help you. Now all the sudden people want your money! She said the day she saw my friend she knew that she was going to ask me for money.
At least I have Janet. She looks out for me. But why do these users keep being attracted to me? I managed to avoid them for years now it's like they can smell money that I no longer have. they are coming out of the wood work and trying to get friendly with me. And I'm not a friendly person either. I'm pretty nasty with people I don't know.
The only reason tonya got any money out of me is simply because I already knew her or thought I did.
My heart is broken and I'm losing my faith in humanity. Are there any decent people who aren't looking to use me left in this world?
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
i think i've pretty much given up on people, but there are good souls still out there, scattered amongst the crappy folk. a lot of people here prove that point.
real hearts seem so rare to me
I use to have hope that maybe there would be some kind of bright future where humans learn to play nice in the sand box. A world where every one helps out with out judging or looking down on others. But all I've been shown is a cold and bitter city as broken and battered as my heart. I'm losing hope.
I don't want to seem negative, but I really am with tommy. People will take everything you have if you let them. They will not bat an eye and never think twice.
I like that some still believe there are people who will not steal the shirt off of your back, but I just went through this very scenario and feel just like you.
You were smart to do what you did. Experience is the best experience. Sheild yourself as much as possible and keep those that are already close even closer.
You were good to help her in the event that she really did need it. If she did not, then it is an important lesson. When you and I stop being vulnerable and put our foot down, those that do not want to use us will appear. When that time comes, we will be both liberated and all the wiser. You are not alone.
There are good and kind people for sure.. unfortunately sometimes these types of experiences stand out more then sitting down enjoying a visit with a good soul... Big hug of comfort for you sweetie..x
You know how a guy/girl keeps marrying the same type of pperson two or three times in a row? then they have to take a long look at what they have been attracted to and change their ways and try for something different? That is what you need to do. Figure out differe personalitiey traits you can like then the one you have had looked at and had infriends in the past.
This is just an idea.
Again I would like to tell you how smart you are to have cut it offf. When a person gets cut off they normally come back harder then before to wear you down.
You are a good person
Hugerrinos to you.
Once they've screwed you, NEVER give them anything else. I'm talking monetary things here. Not like giving people second chances. That's something different. I think it was wonderful of you to give your friend emotional support when she was in a time of need. But after she didn't pay you back that first time, you never should have given her more. And you should have asked her for your money back, too. Keep that up and she probably would have faded away much sooner and you wouldn't have had to give her the axe, which was the right thing to do, by the way!!! Good for you!!!!
You were a good, helpful friend to someone who saw your kindness as weakness and moved in for the kill. Some people are just takers. They go through life taking all that they can from as many people as they can. They're so good at spotting the soft touches.
You did well while you had nothing because the takers didn't bother with you. You had nothing to give them.
Now that you DO have 'stuff' there will always be people out there who will try to take it from you if they can.
Don't start being nasty, you don't have to do that to people you want in your life, as you say you do with strangers, but keep a sharp eye out for users. Once you see that's what a person is, X 'em out of your life!!!! They're toxic!! Protect yourself!!!! Give them nothing!!!!
There's wonderful people out there!!!! Keep kicking the crappy ones out of the way and that will leave room for the good ones!!!
I don't know what's going on with your car and/or your neighbors, but I hope everyone leaves you the Hell alone!!! I'm glad you've got Janet!!! She's proof that there's nice people out there!! Don't give up your faith in humanity!!!!
YOU'RE a nice person and YOU'RE out there!!! That proves there are others!!! Just don't let yourself be a victim, Sweetie!!! You're smart and strong!!! You can learn not to get taken without having to cut yourself off from everyone!!! (((((Hugs)))))
Just watch them disappear when your money is all gone.
Please don't give another cent to anyone. Tell them all approvals have to go through DS first and we will always say no.
Be strong and take care of you. They were not with you when you were broke, so they can fend for themselves just like they did before you had money.
Be strong.
We have offered Darren food, but he wants to sell us his food stamps.
My husband collects junk computers and he fixes them. He gave Darren a computer and a printer.
We are broke and we cannot handle money anyway.
We try to help when we can, but we sometimes have to take a stand when folks get too greedy with the hand-outs.
I soon broke up with her mom but stuck around in town because I love the kids. In that time span my X went wild was never home never had money to feed the kids ect. I hocked a ton of stuff to keep those kids fed and the utilities on. In the end my X moved about 90 minutes up the road. SHe claims she left my stuff behind (except she did manage to grab my desk top) tho I have my suspicions she pawned or out and out sold it all when I cut off all funding.
I moved out of state sooner after. Its now 2011 and up until a few months ago I stayed angry at her In fact beyond angry and then I decided that the anger wasnt hurting her as she is so fucked up she could give a shit about fucking me over or hurting her kids but it sure was playing havoc in my life so its gone. I do pity her some for when I die and my own kids realize that their materialistic inheritence has vanished they will hunt her down but thats her issue. I am at peace once again well at least where she is concerned
I'm calmed down now. I knew the risk when I gave her the money. And I figured I wasn't going to get it back. I'm not nearly as angry about the money it's self all though I did allow things to go too far and I should have stopped it much sooner. the first large sum of money I gave her I was ok with it. I already knew I wasn't getting it back. And I knew she was at high risk of relapse or even lying about being clean in the first place.
But it was the fact that she kept getting more money out of me after that. And I have to give it too her she was incredibly clever because she even tricked my down stairs neighbor! And that is what caused me to let my guard down enough to give her even more money. But something was nagging me for days about it. And I had no time to think it through from start to finish. She was purposely wearing me out and she knew I was getting my kids too. She was at least respectful enough to not come around when I had them but as soon as she knew they were going back I would get another phone call from her asking for a ride.
Unfortunately for her I had enough time to think about every word she said because I was paying close attention to her story and I remember a lot more than what she thinks I do.
Not only that but because I am so close to my neighbor and she doesn't realize Janet is telling me every single thing she said to her when I wasn't around. I started piecing it together. Also I'm the one who alerted Janet because I know more about addiction Janet has never been an addict so she just didn't know some of the things that were going on were signs.
Now I cut her off that way only because I knew I wasn't strong enough in my own mental health right now to deal with her. I'm still recovering from all the stress I've been feeling for the past month from her and other stressful things. And emotionally I'm not ready to deal with her one on one because she IS a fast talker.
Any how I'm glad I have Janet in my life. She looks out for me and we help each other. We are very close and I told her she treats me better than my own family! I just wish I would have met her sooner. We've been neighbors for years and I kept to myself so we never really talked much until this year after Christmas.
Any how I ended it before it really really hurt me and even worse hurt my kids. It could have ended up that way. And in the past it did end up that way because I was too ill to even know how to stand up for myself or stop what was going on. And I didn't always realize it until it was too late. There were countless people who took advantage of me when I was ill. And I've never forgotten about it. It's one of the reason I never came out of my house or tried to make friends. Because I knew that the wrong kind of people are attracted to me like flies to shit. And this city is filled to the brim with scum.
Now my pride is injured because I fell for tonya's con much longer than it would normally take me to flip shit on any one else. And now I feel like the predators are closing in on me. And honestly I'm back to scraping the bottom of the barrel and being on a strict tight budget.
So yes it's a lesson I will keep learning. It happens to every one and probably even more to me. But I'm not going to let this make me bitter any more. And I'm not going to stop trying to help when ever I can I know it's risky. And now I know I still need to get stronger in the future. I might not be strong enough yet to help others. But I do have strength in my conviction. I still believe that helping people is the right thing to do even when it's risky.
I think what was bothering me the most was myself. Because I was feeling hurt when I wanted to let go of it and I just didn't know how to yet. I guess I can't help what I feel. I know it might sound like I'm being stupid but honestly I'm glad I tried to help her. It was her problem that she used me not mine. She's hurting herself more than she's hurting me because she could have gotten something far more valuable than money if she would have valued my friend ship instead.
It's just hard because while I know I'm mentally ill I feel better today then when I was truly sick. And being selfish is a worse sickness than just losing your mind. And the people who are being selfish right now they don't know what they are doing. They are so wrapped up in what has effected all of us. I was selfish once too. But now I'm so much happier because I let go of all the things I held onto that were making me a selfish person. My own guilt is what was making me unhappy.
And yes I have very real fears I'm terrified of what happens to me when I can't control my own mind. I can't control the voices and hallucinations and the foggy clouded judgment when it hits me. And I can't even control the very extreme emotions that I feel also beyond my control. But I'm changing my life from the inside out. Until I finally lose my mind for good I'm going to do my best to be a good person. Because I want to rest in peace when I die. I don't want to be on my death bed with guilt or regrets over something I intentionally did to hurt some one else. Or feeling like I didn't even try to help some one when I knew they needed help.
I was sick and selfish too. I was sick from an addiction. And I always live in fear that something could happen to me again in the future. But I can't worry about that right now since I can't predict it either way. All I can do is my best. And I'm still finding my way.
It's like my mom says you never stop growing up. It's a life long process.
Thank you every one. I'm so glad I found DS. I think just getting the support and I feel so at home here it has helped me so much more than even I had realized. I'm glad we can all be friends even though we have our bitter little bickers from time to time. Myself included in that.
ARGH! I'm sounding like an emotional sentimental sap now aren't I? Well I am a sap and I can be a pill too.
finally I'm going to stop now with the little books I like to post I should just go write one huh?
I love you guys!
You have a beautiful heart and you are so right! Holding onto anger was messing me up more than what tonya did. And that's what was still bothering me all this time. It's been about a week now. And I was still feeling hurt and angry.
But thank you, because I agree and you put it into better words than I could.