Pick your battles.....amongst attending college, work, and cleaning his room, I think cleaning his room is the least problem. Give him some breathing room, and find a way to ignore the mess....it's not your son; it's the way you're coping with his mess. You are doing really well, recognizing that ignoring it is an option....I think you'd do him a huge favor, and yourself, by finding a way to give him some grace about that. Try not to take it personally, because one day he will move out, and you will have an empty room.

I guess it's better then arguing, that's getting real old. I just can't keep doing this. But I'll be walking past his room and a fire will lite under my ass so fast all rational thought seems to go out the window and is replaced by anger, I get sooo mad! I know in the grand scheme of things, a clean room isn't the end of the world. But damn this is a hard one for me. I even think at times that he does it on purpose, that he just trying to make my life harder. Is that "bipolar thinking" for lack of better words.

With my 22 year old still living at home I vacillate between wanting to throw everything in a trash bag and making him give me money for each item he wants back or just ignoring it. I usually just ignore it until his room starts to smell like BO. Then I do have to say something. I don't think your son is doing it on purpose to make your life harder. Starfish is right you have to pick your battles. Good luck!

I raised one of my nephews and a niece. My nephew would just take off his clothes and let them fall where they may, and I found myself constantly having to go into his room and pick up his clothes when I did laundry.

I grew tired of asking him to pick up his clothes and put them in the laundry hamper, so I stopped. I didn't tell him I stopped.

So one day he was slamming closet doors and drawers looking for clean clothes. He had worn absolutely everything including dress slacks and shirts.

He was furious about having no clean socks or boxers to wear, and he complained that he had already worn some of his jeans two or three days in a row because he didn't have any cleans ones.

I asked him where all of his clothes were . . . and he said in the floor in his bedroom . . . duh.

I told him to go pick them up and that I would show him how to do his own laundry from that point on.

I didn't worry about it anymore and for the most part he did his own laundry although I would occasionally find some of his clothes in the laundry hamper, but that was okay.

My advice is to simply close his bedroom door. If you leave him to his own devices and don't say anything, eventually he will get tired of living in a mess and do something about it.

Light a fire under his ass or he'll walk all over you. My ex boyfriend is 23, still living at home, he had a great life going up. His room is crazy. It is not even livable, by anyone's standards. His mother still cooks him dinner, washes his clothes and picks up after him. Do you want to be that mother? Bi-polar or not, it isn't a lot to ask of your child for him to pick up his room. It's common sense and respect.

Yeah, but the way to get that respect is the key.

I think Tygerlily has a great idea!!! (and also suggests that self-respect is an issue at hand, too)

id go for tigerlillys option :)..
ive done it with my soon to be husband and it could well be an option for my 12 year old daughter

great post tats

You have been given some good advice the only one I did not hear was that they do grow up and grow away and your left wiht that empty room. No matter what you put in it, you will miss those dirty close, not matter if you turn it into and art gallery you will wish he was back to get on your last nerve. I am bipolar, with a broken back and I would love to have those days back, dirty room and all the teens etc. So just think about that honey, you will be alone one day and that room will be empty, and you will long for the trigger as you call it. It is not a trigger, it is your son, and like you was told, pick your battles wisely. Bipolar is hard to have, you may want to read THE BIPOLAR HANDBOOK FOR CHILDREN, TEENS, AND FAMILIES, By Wes Burgess MD PHD. He has some really good books that is just one of them. Did you ever think that he could of gotten bipolar from you? So, did he have any choice in the matter? I only say this because I am the mother of four bipolar children and trust me, there are many nights I cry myself to sleep. But that is life and I have to take it one day at a time, and trust that I did the best that I could for them, and taught them all I could about life and this disease. That was my intent. To educate them on this illness so they could be there for their kids. Which three of my grandkid's are already diagnosed ADHD which is just a small way of saying they are already bipolar. So what is really so important. He sounds like he is a well adjusted kid and that he is doing most of everything you ask. To be in college and working, wow, you did good. Give him and yourself a break and trut me, you will miss the little trigger later on, because you won't have anyone to blame but yourself. Good luck, Kase

I actually agree with all of these comments! my son is 19 at college and a lovely son. But he's also got a hideous bedroom and isn't good at clearing up after himself! even his mates laugh at him and call him a typical lazy student! I wash his clothes and when I've washed his bedding I ask his best mate to help him put it back on. I tent to either ignore his messy room but every three months or so I go in with a load of carrier bags and stuff all his cd's games etc that are lying on the floor into them, then I put them in the corner so at least the floor is clear. It's up to him then to fnd his games etc if he wants them. The stupid thing is that if he had a girlfriend the hoover, polish and duster would be out like a flash lol. AT the end of the day it's his room and he's responsible for it.