Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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1PhoenixRising1 05/20/2011

I just can't take anymore. Now the plumbing is backing up and we are in the process of moving, plus all the finals and essay papers and speeches due in the next few weeks...I seriously had a meltdown a few hours ago. I really thought about taking a knife and jabbing it into my stomach like I almost did before i went to the hospital. I currently am not seeing a pdoc so I can't call and get any help right now...i'm in the process of finding a new one. I just feel so overwhelmed. I've tried to take some things in baby steps like some have suggested to me to do but i'm to the point where I can't take another step.

Now I just got into a fight with my husband because we are both stressed out and he's just not doing things fast enough for me..like packing and cleaning etc..etc...i'm running my ass all over the place and he's wanting to relax and i feel pressed for time because we have to be out of here by june 1. and he's yelling and pissed because of the plumbing being screwed up for 3 days and they are just now sending someone to fix it in the morning.

(deep breath).....anyway, any encouraging words out there????? PLease I need your help, you're all i got and i know its late i just hope there are ppl up still and checking the boards...

deleted_user 05/20/2011

breathe is right sweets. take a minute

before i encourage i have to say.. if you are seriously thinking about hurting yourself, make your way to the ER and they will get you stable until you find a doc. it may be a few day stay, but dying is not an option here...

these things are all temporary and will eventually pass. as overwhelming as it all is right now, i can see in a few weeks things will be different.

i am worried about you...

deleted_user 05/20/2011

i would chat at you but you are not on chat.. where are you?

deleted_user 05/20/2011

I just wanted to reply because I know your pain. I've been triggered at least once every night this week by my 8 year old son who is also bipolar. It's so hard to be patient and ride out the storm. Any sort of stress whether good or bad can knock you into chaos and crazy thoughts huh? I keep hearing about routine, routine, routine. It's so hard to stay focused on routine when life keeps throwing you curve balls!

June 1st is 12 days away! Give yourself a couple days to take it easy. Do what you can, especially with your classes. If you have more energy one day, take advantage of it. If you're exhausted one day, take a break.

I hope this helps!

Kate

1PhoenixRising1 05/20/2011

You are right they are temporary...i just feel so overwhelmed..i get impulsively suicidal , i don;t plan it i get upset and then do stupid harmful things...so i'm not in danger this moment but definetly not stable...i've taken a unisom, 2mg of xanax and 2mg of ativan...and i think its kicking in finally...just to that point og taking all you can take or at least feeling that way...i think since i've run out o abilify again it is having an effect...it usually keeps me from being implusive.,,

deleted_user 05/20/2011

the issue i have found with stress and a bit of mania, i think thats what it is.. is you can come close to thinking the bad options are the only ones... thats not so tho, glad you took some calming meds, those should get you thru tonight, but what about tomorrow? can you get thru the next couple of weeks on some anti anxiety meds? do you have enough and when do you get a pdoc again? when can you get your abilify again.

life can be soooo stressful and moves are the worst!!

surferchica 05/20/2011

hi. I have had similar issues with suicidality and it is often brought on by stress. I don't really want to die so much as I wanted to have the stress, pain, and extremes of emotion to stop.

Stopping Abilify for sure could cause more agitation and impulsivity. I take it and it really helps a lot. Maybe if you can get in to a new pdoc, they will have some samples.

I like the breathing--good Idea fartgirl!

oh--pray. I sit in quiet and pray, meditate or say the rosary when I get really worked up, depressed, freaking out from stress and suicidal. Or better yet--walk and pray. That has helped me more than once.

Hope you feel better soon and good luck with EVERYTHING!

1PhoenixRising1 05/20/2011

feeling better today...don't feel like jumping a cliff or anything...thanks for the support, particularly fartgirl who spoke with me one on one...thanks..i needed that and you were right, once things were in better perspective i could deal..

deleted_user 05/20/2011

so glad to hear you are feeling better sweets, did you get the kitchen put up? toilet fixed? anything a bit behind you today?

funny thing after we talked... surferchica had to help me out, not from you, something else happened to me right after i talked to you, then surfer came to my rescue, how cyclical life can be...

xoxo i pray for your peace thru your move.

1PhoenixRising1 05/21/2011

Well the plumbing is fixed and we will work on the kitchen next we had work to do at the new house today. I'm still combative with my husband though on and off...poor man...I still feel like i'm raging inside yet crying at the same time...definetly a mixed episode...just don't know if i'm headed up or down from here...i hope its a non destructive place wherever i land..

1PhoenixRising1 05/21/2011

glad you are ok fartgirl...

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