You may feel compelled to cut yourself but this is a result of your poor mental and emotional state, not one that leads to healing. You are in pain and need relief.

I suggested this to a few people and it does seem to help. Try being a lone to be quiet, listening to some of your favorite soothing music in low lighting or with just a candle for light. Take several deep cleansing breathes and think or say to yourself that you are becoming more relaxed with each breath and you are reaching a deeper state of meditation. Envision all your anxieties, frustrations, fears and negative energies and thoughts washing away like water over a waterfall into a river below.

Feel yourself relaxing and letting go of those negative and painful feelings and thoughts. See if you can transport yourself in your mind to a place you love. It could be a beach, a mountaintop, or a meadow but it should be calm, soothing and peaceful. See yourself surrounded by white light and connected to the earth. Ask for guidance from the universal spiritual energy, Creator, God, or your higher self, whichever you are comfortable with and see if can hear or see answer. It may be symbolic or it may be literal but you will undoubtedly receive a message to help you on your way to balance, centering and healing.

The answer may be to seek out a therapist, a pdoc, to call a friend or family member or go somewhere and scream. It might provide you with the mental and emotional break from your pain to get your thoughts together and reach out for whatever assistance seems right for you.

We are with you! Sending you healing and love.....take it one step at a time and you will get there but don't give into those compulsions because they are not driven by you but by an illness that can be treated, if you are willing to reach out. Try a new path.

you say you know you need to go to hospital, but can't. why can't you? you say you don't know what to say. one word is all you gotta say. HELP. also there are outpatient programs if that is something you would more be able to do. i went to IOP, it was 2 hours, 3 days a week. and i've been SI free since. remember , just say that one little word, the one that is so hard to say...help

Please go to the ER please!!!

Say what you have writen here or if you cant talk about how your feeling write it down and give it to your doc.
Please seek help tho, the sooner you seek help the sooner you are likely to feel better. I hope things improve for you soon.