Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Well I hadn't had a drink since New Years Eve-and that ended with me vomitting violently before we even got home...but Saturday I went to a friends house and proceeded to drink a bottle and a half of wine.
As if that wasn't bad enough I came home and waited for my husband to go to sleep and I went into the bathroom and inserted 2 huge needles used to draw blood into my hand and wrist and just let the blood flow. I don't know how long I was there, but it made me feel so much better. I am a self harmer from long ago, but I hadn't done it-cutiing anything in over a 2 years.
Now I am overcome with shame and guilt. I am trying to be gentle with myself, but I can't be doing this stupid shit. It would hurt my mom so much to know that I had done something to hurt myself. She saw the bruise on my wrist and I lied(which made me feel like even bigger crap). I guess I just needed to say this out loud...maybe hoping it would take away some of the guilt...I just don't know.
I remember lying the last time when some people from work saw the cuts on my arm...I just...I'm just sorry. I always feel so worthless when I fall of the wagon-drinking or otherwise.
Shit...I know better.
As if that wasn't bad enough I came home and waited for my husband to go to sleep and I went into the bathroom and inserted 2 huge needles used to draw blood into my hand and wrist and just let the blood flow. I don't know how long I was there, but it made me feel so much better. I am a self harmer from long ago, but I hadn't done it-cutiing anything in over a 2 years.
Now I am overcome with shame and guilt. I am trying to be gentle with myself, but I can't be doing this stupid shit. It would hurt my mom so much to know that I had done something to hurt myself. She saw the bruise on my wrist and I lied(which made me feel like even bigger crap). I guess I just needed to say this out loud...maybe hoping it would take away some of the guilt...I just don't know.
I remember lying the last time when some people from work saw the cuts on my arm...I just...I'm just sorry. I always feel so worthless when I fall of the wagon-drinking or otherwise.
Shit...I know better.
Forgive yourself and focus on taking actions to heal in every way. Don't beat yourself up emotionally on top of the physical harm.
I used to get horrible self-harming urges 30 years ago. They can go away over time; I don't get them anymore.
Are you doing ok today?