Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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PaganSpirit 10/09/2015

Earlier at work I made a mistake and when I realized what I did I couldn't stop beating myself up. "your an idiot," "you should have known better", "you're stupid", etc,etc. These are the things I keep telling myself and I also worry to death about getting in trouble, or what the consequences of my actions will be. I fucking hate this!! I hate beating myself up so much and worrying so much. I wish I could stop but I just keep beating myself up. Was it a world ending mistake? No but I treat it like it is. Will I make more mistakes in the future? Yes. Will I be so mean to myself each time, I don't know. I can hear my therapists voice in my head reminding me that its ok to make mistakes, take a few deep breathes and forgive myself. She's right but I'm not good at forgiving myself and I hang on to things forever. I wish I could just let it go. In a few days or so it will fade away into the past but right now its the worst catastrophe I could have done. Why such an extreme reaction to a situation I know most people would have forgotten about by now. Sorry, just needed to vent. I'm just so sick and tired of being so fucking hard on myself.

Halterbroke 10/10/2015

So guilty of this myself! And I've been working on it in therapy for 14 years! I'm determined not to be the kind of mom my mom was, she was super critical and I'm about 99% sure that's where it comes from. I guess we have to learn to be our own parents now that we're older, positive, affirming parents who would say "It's ok that you made a mistake." Instead of "What a moron you are!"

Is part of it anxiety over possibly getting in trouble with your boss? I know I am about 1,000 times harder on myself about something if I think I have caused trouble for someone else or made a mistake that will affect someone else. The best thing to do I have found is to apologize and be very honest about it with that person. Most of the time it turns out it wasn't even a big deal! And getting their forgiveness/acceptance really helps!

PaganSpirit 10/10/2015

Thanks everyone for your support and kind words. I am still unfortunately beating myself up about it and yes halter a lot of it is anxiety over possibly getting in trouble. I just can't seem to drop it. I guess its going to take more time and me trying to be easy on myself.

dobiedots 10/10/2015

Today is Saturday. You are not allowed to beat yourself up on Saturdays! Go outside and go for a walk on this beautiful Autumn day....and take us with you!

PaganSpirit 10/10/2015

Dobie, that sounds like great advice but its cold and raining here so we will have to go for a walk some other day plus I took 3 ativan a little bit ago and think its helping, I feel calmer and haven't flogged myself in about an hour or so. I'm trying, I'm really trying to be good to me.

dobiedots 10/10/2015

Gosh Pagan, you should have been a monk! (you know, how they torture themselves on holy days). Just a bit of humor.
Ok cold & rainy. No dice on the walk.
OK, how about cooking up a gourmet dinner in celebration of the fact that people LOVE YOU!!!
I don't know what Ativan does, so if you're too drugged put on a movie! May I suggest "What About Bob"?

Lea-Benny 10/10/2015

I can so relate. I find working to be very stressing and aging because I just mess up everything.

theatrediva 10/12/2015

Oh Pagan I so know what you mean. I too am my biggest bully. I always have been. Sometiems I say such mean things about myself that my friends and loved ones will get on to me! And I do it so much that I dont always realize I am doing it. I find it ironic that others have to stand up for me and protect me from me. Anyway Dont be so hard on yourself. Easier said than done I know but we have to love ourselves. I am learning how to just now and I hope that you can too.

dizzynini 10/13/2015

I was just telling Leabenny the same thing lol. Everyone makes mistakes....EVERYONE so don't feel so bad about it.

Lea-Benny 10/14/2015

Did this work out for you okay with your work?

PaganSpirit 10/15/2015

So far nothing has become of it. I haven't heard anything which makes me feel better. Looks like I overreacted once again. Unfortunately I do that a lot. Thanks for asking.

dobiedots 10/15/2015

Wolfie...you're doing it again, beating yourself up. So you overreacted. No big deal. I think as beepers we are much more emotional beings than your average normie. It is what it is. You're an OK human being...like we all are. Write down your good points and read them to yourself. All day. You are a worthwhile, intelligent, caring human being. That's all we can ask of ourselves.
You're a GOOD PERSON PAGAN!

PaganSpirit 10/15/2015

Thanks dobie for your kind words. You are right, I continuously beat myself up over situations like this. My therapist told me to write down some positive sayings and stick them someplace I would always see them. They are on the refrigerator door and I do read them. Its the believing in them thats hard. Thank you so much for the support, it really helps.

dobiedots 10/15/2015

Wow...my therapist years ago had me do that too!
It does stick after awhile. Why would people on here like you if you weren't likable? We're not lying to you!!
You are a good person...forget what you were told in the past...they were just venting their anger.
My mom told me she wished I had never been born. Several times.
I told the therapist in our Family Group Session what she had said and they questioned her. She said "Oh, when I get angry I just say anything that comes in my head". WHAT???? She destroyed me and to her it meant nothing.
We are decent human beings with many good qualities. Yes, you too Pagan!!

gramybear 10/15/2015

When you make a mistake, don't treat yourself like you were the mistake.
Hugs GB

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