I'm drowning in school and it's only the first day back to the new semester. I can't focus and can't do my work. I think there's something off with my medication. I only had an inkling but now I know I'm depressed again. I'm relying too heavily on support from my boyfriend and I can't stop apologizing to him and I don't even know why. I just can't handle losing him right now. My family life is a mess. My father doesn't understand and doesn't understand that he doesn't understand. He's said such awful things about me, all which I overheard. Still trying to get over how my best friend stabbed me in the back and then dumped me. My other best friend is so distant we're barely acquaintances now. My boyfriend just cut off our call for no explainable reason and doesn't want to talk to me about it, which means I've done something. I know he'll talk to me soon but I just feel like this is the last straw for me right now. I don't want to be so needy of people but that's just the place that I'm at right now. I'm trying so fucking hard but it's all falling apart. I failed my orchestra audition because when we did it, I hadn't slept for three days. I broke my nose and just got back to cheerleading totally out of shape and practice. I feel so alone and like such a failure. I'd understand if he left me. I don't even want to be around me. I just want to hide in a hole and never come out. And fuck I want to hurt myself so bad. I haven't hurt myself in months since my boyfriend made me promise to stop. But lately, the urges have been coming back. And I want to give in so badly. I can't do this. And here I am just complaining to another group of people. I'm sorry. I just don't have anybody right now and I'm so scared of myself because I don't want to be here right now.