I'm just so lonely. One of the girls on my cheer tore her ACL and had to have surgery to repair. She's a really sweet girl, a team favorite. So our captain asked everyone to send her photos of her to make her a get well poster that we're all going to sign. A few months ago, I severely broke my nose during a complicated stunt. Three fractures, a floating bone fragment, completely snapped cartilage, and a full reconstructive rhinoplasty. No one really cared. I know it's petty and really not a big deal and I feel guilty for being upset, but I'm just reminded again that I'm stuck as an outcast. I've been cheering with these girls since middle school and still don't fit in. I love cheer but I know I'll never be their friends no matter how hard I try. They're good people, I guess I'm just not that noticeable. In cheer, we all dress the same. Fashion is how I stand out, without that I'm invisible. My best friend means the world to me, I love her so much. We've been besties since middle school. But she's too busy to spend any time with me. School has her completely occupied, so she never calls me or hangs out with me. I can't even be mad at her, it's not her fault. But it just leaves me feeling so left behind and unimportant. Why can't she just make some time for me? I need it right now. My boyfriend has been busy/depressed and hasn't been calling me at night like we usually do. He switched to home study which just makes school so much harder. Just added another medication, I hate adding or increasing it. It always makes me feel farther away from myself and brings back the pain of missing feeling so strongly. The medication and the time off from cheer due to surgery has made me gain weight, bringing a host of self-esteem issues, well timed. I know I'm depressed beneath the medication. Every night at bedtime when it starts wearing off, it seeps in. I love art, but the medication stole my creativity. I haven't played my violin except for when I have to at class. I can only paint at night because I can only paint feelings and I only ever feel anything at night. My paint book is just disturbing to look through. I can only make art when I'm feeling some extreme, and that's only at night when I'm depressed. I don't know, I just feel so alone. I'm so alone.