i understand this feeling. i honestly think it's something all beepers go through. as fannie lou hamer said - i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. in our case, i think it's also sick and tired of the roller coaster and going two steps forward only to wake up one day and find that you're back at the starting line. what matters is finding the motivation to keep going, to keep trying to find the things that bring us joy and satisfaction and enjoy/make the most of the ups for as long as they last. it's always a matter of working your way forward - for me sometimes it's hard to believe there is a forward, but it comes if i'm patient enough and work hard enough at building back good routines, adjusting to new meds or dosages, seeking support and contentment.

i often struggle with abulia - a numbness that comes with depressive cycles. It's something I have to work very hard at getting past, but better does come along.

Keep hoping, keep struggling forward - this is the time when you screw your determination to the sticking place and put one foot in front of the other.

^It^ do, indeed, get to feeling like a vicious circle. I often feel like a dog chasing my own tail. It can be discouraging, to the max. Since I can't seem to wish away my condition, I try to use the predictability of ^it^ to establish more effective coping tools for the next go-round.

In addition, it helps me to think of my therapy as a spiral staircase where each go round carries me to the next level instead of running ruts in a flat circle.

But that is me. . . Gentle support while you find what works for you, Noo.

I know what you mean.

I've had a solid year of extreme highs and lows. And when I've felt "fine" for a few weeks or so in between I had this sense of anxiety over how long it would last, what terror awaits me next in my unpredictable mind? When I start to slip back towards depression, i feel despair over the situation, like what's the point, I'm just going to end up where i dont want to be again anyways. I get sick and tired of fighting. Maybe you're more in a depressive phase than you realize? Or starting to go towards one?

I love the spiral staircase analogy, arf. That's a good point, maybe somehow in some small way we're making progress every time we find the strength to keep moving through an episode without really realizing it. We're at least gaining experience and coping skills.

I really do believe that we're in 'pursuit of happiness' and beepers though they may struggle more I also think that people in general go through good times and rough times

I am always on the depressive end as well so now it's sort of my norm...… Occasionally I'll feel this joy and I sure do appreciate it

I think that, that's normalcy...… Big hug..... It's great that you've been going through a good period.... I hope that it lasts a while......xo

I understand. When I feel “good”, I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.