Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
somewhere to get this out.
I am a loser. I am a dysfunctional, stupid person. I think all I can do is annoy people... I'm just a bad person. I can't think straight. I can't punish myself enough for all the stupid crap I do. I can't do much of anything right... if I start out doing it right I'm sure to mess it up later. I can't let go. I can't give up, meaning I can't just throw relationships away. I can't shit can people and move on. I always crawl back saying sorry or trying to act like nothing happened and things move along for a while. There is so much I want to do but I lack the motivation and I don't care enough.
I see my therapist and he counsels me or whatever and I spend the next several days with my mind racing... thinking thoughts.. getting confused, frustrated then just upset with myself. (Yet I appear ok on the outside... I take myself to work.. do my job...come home... fall apart.) Then I get a couple days where I'm like ok I'm alright.. and anticipate my next appt... look forward to it.. get some things out... get a lot more to think about and the cycle starts all over again! I can't stop it! but if you asked my therapist he'd say I choose not to stop it. Oh I WISH it was that easy, I really do.
I want to get better. I do! but then yeah sometimes I don't... and I wonder how do I get out... but I'm too scared.
OK senseless whatever you would like to call this over!
I am a loser. I am a dysfunctional, stupid person. I think all I can do is annoy people... I'm just a bad person. I can't think straight. I can't punish myself enough for all the stupid crap I do. I can't do much of anything right... if I start out doing it right I'm sure to mess it up later. I can't let go. I can't give up, meaning I can't just throw relationships away. I can't shit can people and move on. I always crawl back saying sorry or trying to act like nothing happened and things move along for a while. There is so much I want to do but I lack the motivation and I don't care enough.
I see my therapist and he counsels me or whatever and I spend the next several days with my mind racing... thinking thoughts.. getting confused, frustrated then just upset with myself. (Yet I appear ok on the outside... I take myself to work.. do my job...come home... fall apart.) Then I get a couple days where I'm like ok I'm alright.. and anticipate my next appt... look forward to it.. get some things out... get a lot more to think about and the cycle starts all over again! I can't stop it! but if you asked my therapist he'd say I choose not to stop it. Oh I WISH it was that easy, I really do.
I want to get better. I do! but then yeah sometimes I don't... and I wonder how do I get out... but I'm too scared.
OK senseless whatever you would like to call this over!
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
If you are bipolar
Your Therapist is full of shit,and has no comprehension of what bipolar disorder is all about.
as a bipolar person,we have a chemical imbalance of the brain..we can not talk ourselves out of a bad mood or bad thoughts..that's what meds are for.
Your statements about your Therapist ,just reinforce my idea ,that most Therapist are full of themselves,and have no scientific idea of what BP is all about.
My humble opinion
You never have to crawl back to anyone. If they do not understand your PHYSICAL disorder is not even a real mental health "DISORDER", maybe they will get a clue?
no wonder i dont have one, or feel the need to look for one.
You are not a bad person,you have an illness that is complex and difficult to deal with.
It's your "Bad Brain" telling you that you are a loser.
Have you seen a Phyciatrist for help?The proper meds can make a huge difference in your life.
Good Luck
Last time I was upset.. and called him.. he called back and told me I wasn't making sense.. and that I was a negative person and if things don't go my way I get mad and call them stupid or whatever.. and that I like to play the victim... I had raised my voice.. not like at him but I was just upset about a lot... and he snapped at me... and said that to me.... So we hang up... and I start thinking he's right... I expect too much..I this.. I that.... but I don't play the victim. I get what I deserve. and every bad thing that happens to me I DESERVE. and I don't want sympathy. I don't ask for it. I don't act like everything is out to get me.. but when it does get me, hell I deserve it! I don't set myself up to be the victim.
But I'm scared... and neither one helps with that...they just say oh there's nothing to be scared of just take them. Well when they are making me super tired and feeling like I'm drunk and dizzy... I don't like that... I work... I can't be incapacitated.. and I hold my job, have for 3 years...they say I just like to make excuses.. my PCP told stop making excuses and listen to the pdoc when he wrote my referral...so if I've kept my job and the general public thinks I'm a good person I must not be that bad off........it's all in my head... it's just me. I'm the problem. and it sucks. I don't want to be a problem.
I wish you the best of luck .
Wanna get violent on he who says you do.
j/k
Although a nerf bat would be pretty cool.
The therapist has stairs going into his room at the office... I could just trip him.. oops! you fell down the stairs!
I would never do that.. but the thought is entertaining!
You can change the way you feel about yourself too. The more you can accomplish on your own the more self esteem you will have.
You should take your meds regularly until you have made the transition to a new lifestyle.
I know some people may disagree but I think a major goal should be reduction of meds or even elimination or meds in time with docs help. im not talking about a total cure here. im talking about maybe going for a few years or more without meds only after you have a real idea of how you can control your emotions by self control.
What Im trying to say is I never considered BP as something I was helpless against. I kept trying to change for the better. Yes I have very bad days but i survive and try to learn to prevent them.
From what you said your therapist sounds very unprofessional and clearly has boundary/counter transferance issues. I would suggest finding a therapist that isn't broken.
When you choose another it might be worth checking that they have experience with bipolar clients, some really don't have the training/experience/empathy to handle it.
So I put my pen to the paper and drew... a big circle.
He said " Stupid boy...go stand in the corner of the room !! "
I said " Where's that then ? "