i can't do this anymore. it was supposed to stop my doctor said medication would help. and it doesn't. i don't think it's real anymore. i hate myself and my relationships. i'm highly episodic right now and i can't even talk to anyone but this fucking computer about it. i can't stop crying. i have been manic for the past month and a half but i didn't tell anyone because i didn't want it to end. i saw my pdoc last night and she nthought i was fine. she upped my lamictal. it's only been one day that can't be the cause. i've tried taking my klonipin and that didn't help. i can't breathe, i don't want to leave my house but i feel imprisoned by it and i can't just spontaneously sob in public. i don't want to eat, i have no money. my ATM card bounced last night and i'm afriad to tell my parents. these are all such stupid complaints there are people in the world in much worse condition but why am i so mad at myself today. i want off meds. i want to blame this on them. i feel so stupid i'm crying for no reason and i don't want anyone to see me like this but all i want is company. or sedation. i knew the pendulum was about to switch but i was just really hoping it wouldn't.