I don't know what to say.
Unless your Mom suffers from some sort of dementia and forgets she has called you, I think somehow you have set yourself up for allowing your Mom to continually call you.

Be a bit more assertive and say you will accept 1 call a day from her and any other calls you will NOT answer.

Gosh I can feel how frustrating this must be for you.... but if you want the calls to stop, you are going to have to take the first steps

HUGS and good luck TC

Ugh I'm sorry TC :/ my grandma is the same way with my great grandma, I told my great grandma to ask my grandma if she was writing a book about her life when she started to interrogate her. Kinda throw it back in her face and throw a little smart ass-news into it.

I agree with dd. One thing I'd add is to set a particular time for her to call you. That way you will have more control and will have set some boundaries with her. Expect her to call you to test you, don't answer those calls.

I know this sounds impossible to do and very hard, but if you want her to stop this you are going to have to do this.

Good luck. I hope this works. You can do it. From the posts I've read from you about your financial difficulties and all, you sound like a very strong person.

Hi TC~~

How would you like your relationship to be with your mother? Daily phone calls? Perhaps check-in every other day or so? Or maybe just meet for lunch a couple of times per month?

I know your mom drives you up a wall and the only way to change that is to change the way you approach the relationship. Are you afraid or unwilling to set boundaries with her? If so, why?

This might be a great subject to bring up with a therapist, if you have one. Moms can be so difficult (and I am one!!) Take care!

I agree that accept one phone call and then let the rest go to voice mail I would think after a month she would get the hint and tell her you are busy and will only accept one call a day but easier said then done I suspect. Sending you lots of hugs for having to put up with this must be frustrating.

I wish to give you a thought to ponder when she's driving you around the bend! My mom was so intrusive that if I didn't answer she'd walk (never drove) and threw rocks up at my bedroom for crying out loud! So I know how you feel and what you're experiencing. I would like to add that she died suddenly a few years ago and would do anything to hear those rocks on the window just one more time...

I know, Siren, I feel that way, too. My mom has copd and is not well. I think that is what keeps me entrenched. However, not only is she intrusive, but has been ABusive through the my entire life. Physically as a kid/teenager. Emotionally/mentally as an adult. It is a rough spot to be in, because even though she has been rotten towards me, I still feel obligated to take her calls and deal with 80 questions every other hour.

Hi TC,

I think DD has done a good job of summing the situation up.

Personal boundaries brought a lot of sanity to my life esp in dealing with my highly manipulative mother not to mention my mother in law.

Both are departed now and I'm thankful I was able to negotiate peace and keep my integrity before they passed.

Maybe try reverse psychology and start ringing your mother so often she wonders why you're ringing?

Haa. Good idea Moob!!!!!

Oh TC40, never meant to minimize the bullsh*&t you must be experiencing - minimize is an understatement., I just I think it's so difficult to forgive people who have hurt us when an apology was never forthcoming. I still don't know who was more culpable in my situation. Maybe my father for dishing it out, or my mother who looked the other way? In my experience, years ago, to suffer mental illness of any kind due to lack of science and medical expertise was truly once again unfortunate, One thing I learned from her though, was that she suffered during many years of silence and ineffective treatment.(her children weren't the only ones targeted by father's hands I should add) When she died, I was the one who had to clean her house out. What I found were psyche meds including lithium.. No excuse for abusing your own children - well more neglect on her part - and never did explain the torment in her life that she suffered on her own. Still no excuse for abuse or neglect for one's own children. Everything else down the road will fall in place for YOU - I wish you patience, strength and Peace TC40. Continue to keep your network strong! All the best in many ways, your Beeper friend, Lisa

Sounds like your mom has a problem. Hugs.

I know it's impossibly hard, but it sounds like you need to set some boundaries with your mother. Unless that happens she's not going to stop, and her driving you crazy all the time is not okay, and it's not helping you. She'll probably get ticked off and may not speak to you for a while, but she's an adult and needs to act like one, she needs to understand that boundaries and limits are there for a reason.

Perhaps taking her to a Session with your Therapist of Pdoc and having them explain why Boundaries are important....

Take care in whatever you decide to do to fix this situation.

I think -- and someone already mentioned this but I liked it! - that deciding upon acceptable "calling hours" might help establish boundaries and keep your mother at bay - Unless there's an emergency.

My mother also has COPD and is not getting enough oxygen to her brain. She refuses (at age 76) to be on oxygen because "it makes you look old and sick". Well, mom, you are old and sick. I'm sure your mom is the same way. She is developing dementia and I know she's terrified.

I wish you the best - maybe writing a letter to her (not necessarily to send it!) describing the relationship you would LIKE to have with her. If you send it, go for it. If not, you will have outlined how you feel about your relationship and can pursue actions accordingly. You might find that you DO like hearing from her, just NOTHING abusive and not ALL THE TIME!

Big hugs, TC. xoxo