Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I don't know how many attempts I've had to writing a post at this point.
I was thinking about how now that I'm thinking clearly, I question everything that I do, say, feel or think. Then I was thinking how paranoid my thoughts were, and how now I realize I'm not thinking clearly...but I realize this...so is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I realized that I have completely withdrawn from all of my family and friends (except to pretend that I'm fine around my kids), I don't want to talk to anyone. I mean, literally talk to them. I'm ok with typing. Why don't I want to talk to them? b/c I can't form a comprehensive sentence. My mind is so all over the place that it would take too much effort for them to understand me, effort on my part and effort on theirs....and they still won't get it. I've lost almost everyone I know b/c I can't talk to them...primarily for their benefit.
Questioning my diagnosis...wondering if it's something worse, b/c my mind is not getting any better. There's so much more...but I'd hate to bore you all with the details.
I was thinking about how now that I'm thinking clearly, I question everything that I do, say, feel or think. Then I was thinking how paranoid my thoughts were, and how now I realize I'm not thinking clearly...but I realize this...so is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I realized that I have completely withdrawn from all of my family and friends (except to pretend that I'm fine around my kids), I don't want to talk to anyone. I mean, literally talk to them. I'm ok with typing. Why don't I want to talk to them? b/c I can't form a comprehensive sentence. My mind is so all over the place that it would take too much effort for them to understand me, effort on my part and effort on theirs....and they still won't get it. I've lost almost everyone I know b/c I can't talk to them...primarily for their benefit.
Questioning my diagnosis...wondering if it's something worse, b/c my mind is not getting any better. There's so much more...but I'd hate to bore you all with the details.
The only thing I can recommend is to see your pdoc asap and get your new meds right. I know you dont want to take meds, and I'm here for you whether your medicqted or ot.
You have been there for me when I'm not well, I'm here for you too.
Please contact me to talk. Love you xxoo
the treatments we receive only go so far. We will always struggle to make a post at times. to remember what the conversation was about to begin with. to deal with the crowd around us. intrusive thoughts and so on. its not abnormal to still suffer with treatment.. we wouldnt all be here if not, i dont think... talk to your doc, and see what can help. but give yourself some credit too, its a rough road.
I would just make up the lack of words with a lot of extra hugs and I love you bec you're sweet, kind, work hard, timely etc etc.
I plan to call my pdoc, first thing on Monday. I don't doubt that she will Rx me some anti-psychotic that I've already been on and it will probably make me a zombie. I guess that's the only way I can deal right now...of course, that's one of the reasons I chose not to be on those. I suppose, if it at least temporarily helps, I'll do it.
I have been doing some things with my kids, trying to distract my brain, but it doesn't help much. They're the only people I have, in real life, that I trust and they trust me.
Thank you all again. (((HUGS)))