Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I'm so confused right now. I don't even know where to begin. I have constant images of myself getting a knife and piercing my heart with it. I feel like I have no one in the world. I feel that I'd be so much better off if I were dead. I also am thinking about taking all of my pills and starting my place on fire so I can die and all my photos and things will be gone with me.
I was working as a CRMA [certified residential medication aid] a while back when he decided to pass the time on my computer where he cheated on me by going to a dating site and inviting a woman to talk to him. So even though it was a while ago and he said he's changed I go in and out of trusting him. He seems to play mind games sometimes, then it ends up where I am exhauted talking to him about it because he just ends up denying everything or he says he forgot or someting else stupid like that. We have signed a lease in another part of the state and are having a moving truck come in the a.m. to move us. I am very scared to leave my apartment where I have been secure for 4 years. I feel so confused.
I understand you haven't been on i awhile and I'm glad that you turned to us in your time of need. That was very nice of you to take someone in, you did not have to do that.
It's unacceptable to be on a dating site and talking to someone through one while you are in a relationship. I can see why you would go back and forth in trusting him. Do you think he is doing it again? Does he have a job now? It sounds like he's not being very truthful when he say he forgot and denies everything.
I can understand the fear of moving to another state. I would not want to leave my apartment if I was in your situation, but what can you do now? Sit him down and have a very detailed conversation with him on how you feel, and what is in store for the future.
I'm confused for you. It really sucks, because guys are so good at playing with our heads. We are vulnerable, we have an illness. I would watch him and listen well to what he says if you suspect something is going on. Why are you moving out of state? Is it his idea or yours??
Sorry, lots of questions for you. I will say a prayer for you to find the answers in your state of confusion. I wish I was there to give you a hug. I can only imagine what you are going through. I feel for you so much. Indecision is so hard to deal with. We always ask ourselves what should I do?
Keep us posted on what happens. He owes you a lot. You took him in when he needed help. Take care hon. I wish I had more answers for you. Hugs
we live in Maine are moving to another part of the state of Maine
he has a real problem with lying and said he has always had a problem with it. he said it's because his dad beat him with the belt so he'd lie to avoid that. and I guess that is what he learned from it all. so he continued to lie as he grew older
I'm very scared and I feel that he emotionally traps me and abuses me, but I guess I'm a victim and because I love him I'm in this mess. I feel ignorant. ..now that I've helped him get this new apartment we're moving to he has a different sort of personality. he is only able to sign on with me on the lease because I have always payed my bills and have good references.. I had this rent that I've payed each month on time .I pay my bills and always have.. he has bad credit and no references to speak of.. he's been bankrupt and thinks that is the way to live.
I know how this sounds but when he came into my life I had been alone for 3 + years after a 24 year marriage. I needed someone I had been so isolated. and he seemed to care about me. he tells me he loves me and that he wants to be with me forever..
I still want to die.