I have been crying in my bed before I go to sleep more often lately. I'm not sure if me possibly pmsing has anything to do with my overall state these past couple days but I'm falling apart. Today I felt aggitated aggravated irritated and angry. I think it's anger toward myself because I got in a fight with two tangled bikes today I gave up went inside and wanted to google: how to kill yourself. I searched how to calm down when you're angry instead but while I was searching I thought to myself if I was a cutter I would cut myself right now. I dismissed the idea of burning myself with a cigarette because I did that a bunch once on my arm and now I have shame written on my forearm. Anyway I just feel like I'm bad. I am very hard on myself everyone in my fam tells me that. I feel like I'm not good enough and I'll never be good enough because inside I'm bad and I hate myself sometimes. What happened to my spirit? That's what I've been wondering. Where's the joy the love the faith? It doesn't live here sadly. I guess thats why I cry tonight. Maybe my anger and irritation was a moodswing. Mania. I don't often get that full of anger. I don't know what do you guys think? A simple hello hang in there would be lovely. And if not well it's good to write about it anyway.
Posts You May Be Interested In