Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I got home from Arizona today. The whole time I was there was one huge fight. Every time I tried to have my own opinion or voice, my father would scream at me and call me names.
We got in an extra bad fight two nights before I left and he said such awful things to me that I can't even repeat them. I finally got fed up and started yelling back. I said one thing I am not proud of, but after all that he said to me... He deserved it. Finally. he got so angry he left the house. My grandmother came to the living room to see if I was okay... And I wasn't. I was on the verge of overdosing. I was sobbing, my father really does hate me. He said he couldn't wait until I left and that it sucks that I had no place to stay until then.
But, I owe my grandmother my life, more than once. When I used to live with her and my father in AZ, she would almost always come and comfort me when he'd be a bastard for no reason.
I really felt so hopeless. He didn't even want to drive three hours to take me to the airport, he paid for a shuttle. He also refused to pay for my baggage so my grandmother was forced to help me.
That night, after I cried so hard I thought I was going to pass out, she told me to take a shower and come to talk to her afterwards. I did. If it weren't for her and my few amazing friends, I don't know if I would have made it back from Arizona alive. It truly was that awful.
I feel much better now that I am home, but the pain is still digging into my soul. Some things just can't be unsaid. I am very glad I have therapy tomorrow. I am not going to like rehashing the fight that I will have repressed until tomorrow. I surely can't cope with it on my own.
Yesterday was most likely the last time I will ever see my grandmother, unless she comes to visit me. I cannot- WILL not- take that sort of mental abuse ever again in my life.
I was finally building up courage and self-esteem, but that's all be shattered like a pane of thin glass.
We got in an extra bad fight two nights before I left and he said such awful things to me that I can't even repeat them. I finally got fed up and started yelling back. I said one thing I am not proud of, but after all that he said to me... He deserved it. Finally. he got so angry he left the house. My grandmother came to the living room to see if I was okay... And I wasn't. I was on the verge of overdosing. I was sobbing, my father really does hate me. He said he couldn't wait until I left and that it sucks that I had no place to stay until then.
But, I owe my grandmother my life, more than once. When I used to live with her and my father in AZ, she would almost always come and comfort me when he'd be a bastard for no reason.
I really felt so hopeless. He didn't even want to drive three hours to take me to the airport, he paid for a shuttle. He also refused to pay for my baggage so my grandmother was forced to help me.
That night, after I cried so hard I thought I was going to pass out, she told me to take a shower and come to talk to her afterwards. I did. If it weren't for her and my few amazing friends, I don't know if I would have made it back from Arizona alive. It truly was that awful.
I feel much better now that I am home, but the pain is still digging into my soul. Some things just can't be unsaid. I am very glad I have therapy tomorrow. I am not going to like rehashing the fight that I will have repressed until tomorrow. I surely can't cope with it on my own.
Yesterday was most likely the last time I will ever see my grandmother, unless she comes to visit me. I cannot- WILL not- take that sort of mental abuse ever again in my life.
I was finally building up courage and self-esteem, but that's all be shattered like a pane of thin glass.
Your father sounds like a miserable SOB. Everyone knows it ...... and I bet somewhere deep in that old crusty man he knows it too.
So, my dear, consider the source. Do not let his cruel words hurt you. It's just pathetic babble from a soggy alcoholic.
God bless your Gramma! This won't be the last time you see her. Perhaps you can one day go to Arizona to visit her and stay in a hotel. Or maybe you two could meet somewhere in the middle for a little vacay.
Glad you have a therapy appointment coming soon to help you process everything. Just know that we're all here for you too!
Your father sounds abusive and to be honest, potentially dangerous.
Whatever your situation is living wise, I'd try to live as independently as possible and ONLY communicate to your grandmother. Avoid this man at all costs.
Your self esteem and family . God yes. I know the feeling.
The good news is that eventually, your self esteem will build itself back up. You need to believe in yourself, in the Universe that you can do it.
Find a purpose--like helping animals or doing volunteer work at a Unitarian church or something of that nature.
REjection of this nature can be very, very dififcult and I would advise staying close to the therapist and the social worker or whomever is assisting you because you need protection and help during this time.
Super hugs to you. I know that you are a nice person--gracious as well.
Keep on being you and try to build a life for yourself without this man in it.
Hugs, A.
My old therapist at that office totally understood when I couldn't come in due to pain and wasn't unreasonable when the bus was late. Today was in NO WAY my fault. They called me and told me it was all 12!!! Not 11!!!! So I'm really upset and I don't know what to do or how to find a new psych and therapist. My therapist said she'd speak with her supervisor and get back to me.... I'm just pissed!!!
I did not need this bullshit after the two weeks I just went through. I really needed a therapy appt. I guess I really can't count on the people who say they care!!!
Yeah you are shattered but for a reason I think. Now you can start to put those pieces together in the rice order and then you'll begin to see the reflection of yourself you haven't seen.
You will find your way. You will learn how to let it go.
How do I know?
Been there and I enjoy the reflection I see.