I ve been feeling the way you do for months now( been thru many episodes like the one you decribe when My daughter was little).. What I can say is your son loves you unconditionally no matter how low you feel.. I used to lay on the sofe as my little girl would color and watch tv. Rememeber just doing little the things, being in the same room as he could be enough. Hope you feel better and begin to have more "high" days then low ones.

I too have had many days you are describing. What is most important is that your son feels bonded to you. I have 5 kids(ages 6, 9, 13, 16, & 21), and have suffered from depressive episodes my whole life. What my kids tell me now, is that they like it best when they can be in the same room with me. Usually I use my bedroom for isolation from my family, but last week I put the PS3 in my room and now "allow" my kids to hang out with me. They watch a movie, or play games while I read or nap. They like this much better than being in another room away from me. The older ones are harder to please, because they want to do stuff when they hang out with me (like shop, eat out, go to movies, etc), which is impossible for me when I'm depressed. I use my mania or my "up" times for this. That way there is a balance for them. I really hope you feel better soon! My babies always sense when I'm not feeling good and their love REALLY helps me remember how precious my life is to them!:) Sending hugs your way!

Thank you sooo much. This makes not feel like such a bad mother. Sometimes I am sooo irriatiable that i take it out on my son..but its usually when he is listening to me and being difficult.. for example having a complete freak out cause he doesn't want to sit still and moving around with crap on his ass lol and its getting everywhere lol

Lots of day when I am like this i lay on the couch while he looks at his books and watches his shows or tries to climb everything. I just feel guilty cause i know days i could be a much better parent...take him to play groups etc play with him more instead of just watching.

I get worried that when he gets older, he will think i am crazy and wont want to be around me and if his friends notice somethings different about me, that they will make fun of him...
I am probably over-analising but still a worry i have.

I don't even think i want another child for the reasoning of not having the patients to deal with it when i am sooo irriatable and having one seems all i can handle. Plus i want to go back to school and not start a career when i am too old .

I dont know how Mothers can handle having more than one or being a single mother. I guess when u have support of family or ur stable its different.

Once this crappy weather in Edmonton goes away things will look up I believe it.

oh and one more thing ... Sometimes all i can hope some days is for my boy to nap for along time so i dont have to deal with him...because i feel soo down,.. sounds sooo terriable

Just curious, are you married or a single mom.. Your posts are a little confusing. Are you taking meds to help with the depression? Also I noticed that your name has "420" in it, do you use marijuanna? Usually that is what 420 means. Just need all the info before I offer my advice.

Will answer Monday when feeling better.

You are not terrible. If you are a single mom with no support and depressed, you are just overwhelmed. We all have bad days, illness or not. I am very grateful that all my children love me and want to be with me, regardless of my illness. Believe me, I am no saint. I have been irritable, lost control, and yelled at my kids numerous times. When I am calm, I talk about it with them, and let them know how much I love them. Have your meds checked. Talk to a therapist. Try and get some help if you can. It is VERY important to take care of yourself, so you can be there for your little one. All my best to you! I hope you feel better soon! :)

Maybe its because I didn't mention my common law partner u thought i might be single? I didn't really give any indication otherwise that I was. I am not a single mother I have just been staying at home with my son during the day and looking to get back into work.

I used to smoke weed for over 5 yrs but over the last while i have changed to herbs at the smoke shops.. I do it cause it calms my irratiablity ( since i havent found the right meds yet) with moving to a new province it takes time to get into seeing someone new. In my old province I had a hard time finding a good pdoc...and well for most it does take time to find the right meds.

I don't drink all that oven and i used to do it as a break away for something for me.....I know ur not suppose to do any drugs or drink or much of anything with this illness....but hey I guess i am not perfect... I have been trying to live a healthy lifestyle workings out, eating right when i am not sooo depressed. I try to have more control with the eating.

often lol not oven I
I also meant the weed part as a break away
no drinking

in my past comments i wrote how i dont know how single mothers can do it... that could be also where u guys got the whole single mother thing...

Thanks for the helpful comments out there

when i am depressed i never seem to word things proporley and my thoughts are all disorented.. I often don't express on here when I am like that for that specific reasoning,

Disturbed420 : Now I can give my advice to you knowing all of the info. I am a single mom, with no financial support, and I too have smoked weed to help calm me for many years. Wasn't sure if it was just habit, since I have done it for many years on and off. I however do not do it around my kids, and they have never been exposed to it, as a matter of face {maybe I am a hypocrite} but I have expressed quit the opposite opinion of drugs to them and told them that it is not a good thing. I have stopped smoking now, but sometimes miss the feeling. The "herbal weed", I have heard can be very dangerous, and cause you all kinds of problems. Not so sure it is any better for you, just easier to get. I have also tried many other drugs in my adolesence and that may very well be part of my problems today, I think some of the things I have tried can cause your brain to lack seretonin. I guess you live and you learn. There are many different opinions on weed, one thing that I keep hearing is it can make you more depressed because it is a downer. Getting back to you, are you taking medication? Are you seeing a doctor and a therapist? If not, maybe you should. That was my main reason for seeking help, my children deserve better! My children do not deserve to be yelled at and suffer lack of my attention because I am having a "bad day" and I am depressed. I can only hope and pray that each day gets better, and that my very new {as of yesterday} diagnosis is accurate and that I can make positive changes. Motherhood is never an easy task, whether you have BP or any other mental illness or not, but as a parent we owe it to our children to do our best to try to ensure that they have a healthy enviorment to grow up in. I was not that lucky, and I have many issues to deal with from my childhood. I reconize that I have a problem and am willing to do whatever it takes to make myself better so that I can give my kids the loving parent {yes I am their only "real parent} that they deserve. I am a go getting and will win this battle no matter what it takes! If you need to talk, I am here and will be here to help you with whatever you need as much as I can! I hope you get to feeling better!

Hi Disturbed,
I've been feeling like you for the past 2 months now.
My kids are grown so I'm not facing that problem right now.
My PDOC is trying his best to put me on a mood stabilizer but I haven't cooperated with him lately. He had me on Geodon and not only did it raise my blood sugar level (diabetes runs in my family) but it also affected my liver and turned me into a zombie. My family Doctor told me to tell him to take me off of it so I did.
I notice that I'm getting worse but am not quite sure what to do about it because I've tried several different medications with bad side effects so now I'm just on Lexapro, an antie depressant.
It sounds like you need to go see your Doctor.
I hope for the sake of your child that you get better and hopefully your common-law husband will help you out.