I know how you feel I lost my sister then my parnets sorry your going threw this hugs minnie

try and stay calm your family need you right now to be calm
have you tried many calming pills? maybe a half dosage or other sorts .it's important that you look after your self
I lost my parents 2 years ago I thought id get depressed or go psychotic but I was just so overcome with sadness and grief its a different feeling can't describe it .you go through phases.
id say try and spend as much time with your gran as she can handle
tell your doctor what is going on he might know something for you try n meditate ?

I'm sorry for your grief. I hope you get through it ok. big hugs xxx

I agree with veryblue.....try to spend as much time with your grandmother as she can stand. I've found that I can handle grief much better when I don't have regrets. I am terrible at coping with grief, but it seems to help.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's a hard time.

I would talk to your pdoc.

I had a very nasty problem due to grief some years back - although I was on full dose of lithium it couldn't hold it.

I was/am totally numb when my dad died and that really saddened me a lot. Because we were very close.

yes, talk with your doc and maybe you can come up with something that won't knock you out.

I'm sorry about your grandmother....loss is always hard, but I think it's even worse for us BP'ers

((((hugs))))

I'm very sorry about your gram. I lost my gram this past June.
Gee, that makes it pretty tough to treat your anxiety without taking the usual meds. Maybe you should talk to your Pdoc anyway and see if there's something that can be done medicine-wise to help you.
You were manic and now you've crashed. Can you go by past behavior to guess how long this one will last? How long do you usually stay in a depressed state, following a mania?
Good luck. I'm sorry for what your family is going through! (((((Hugs)))))

You could try a .25 mg Xanax its the lowest dose its what I take.You also can cut it in half if it knocks you out.Sorry to hear about grandma mine passed last year after I got out of the phospital.Its very hard thing to go thru I just felt numb for days until after the funeral.(((((((HUG)))))))

im sorry about your grandmother ... i lost my dad 4 months ago and as a result have been taking a lot of ativan. i hope you can spend time with your grandma .. it is so very precious

There is something out there that will calm you down without knocking you out and your doctor will know what it is. He knows your background. Please call him.

I would suggest having someone watch your kids for 1-2 hours and going to your grandmothers and just sit in her room and "be" with her eeven if other pp are there.

I have lost grandparents, mom dad and husband, it is hard.
Hugs to you

Sorry to hear about your Grandma and that you are going through a difficult time. I just lost my Grandma right before Christmas and I understand what it is like to be an emotional mess. The ups and downs of Bipolar and MI is awful and it doesn't help ever but especially when you are dealing with grief. I hope that things get better for you. I am here for you. Best wishes and hugs...Art

Oh by the way Happy Belated Birthday and Happy Valentine's Day!

I went to see my therapist yesterday. I asked her about medication and if I need an adjustment or an additional medication. She said she thinks what I'm going through is normal, and maybe it is for us beepers, I don't know. I also asked her about my anxiety having come back. She said she thinks that I am unconsciously going back to what is a familiar emotion for me instead of dealing with my grief. That makes a lot of sense but I don't quite understand how that can be the case when I have cried about it so often.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I have been to see my grandmother in the hospital almost every day since she's been there. I don't think I'll have any regrets about not having been there for her, I just feel horrible knowing that she won't be a part of my life anymore. It's comforting to know that some of you have been in the same situation I'm in right now and have managed to pull through. I know this isn't an easy subject for anyone to discuss so thank you all for taking the time to reply. I don't feel quite so alone after having read everyone's posts.

Sorry I didn't read this until now. I've lost both my parents and know how you feel. I had all sorts of emotions come up with Mom when she died not so much with my Dad though as we were not close.