Bipolar Disorder Support Group
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so I've run out of ambien and I forgot to call the doctor while I was staying at my moms. I have no choice but to go with out it till I call my doc and pick up the scrip
Any how I've been having really really vivid dreams when I'm actually able to sleep. (which is rare now)
I'm also worried because it's not just the very last dream I can remember it's 3 dreams that I can vividly remember.
One dream is so long and detailed I could write a book on it. Plus it's left me wondering what the F goes on in my brain that can concoct such weird dreams?
I mean I understand that there may not be any rules when it comes to dreams but still usually there is some connection to your actual life in them how ever small. Old child hood memories or about work if you work, or other mundane things.
But I had one really long dream about batman. I don't even like batman! Why the heck am I dream about him? And it was such a long and detailed dream too! What does it mean? Why would my brain make a story about that? I have no idea!
Now my other dreams were more mundane and I can see the connection to my life in them. Or at least there was something familiar in each of them whether it was something from childhood or recent.
But I also had this dream that was really strange! Any one else have a dream where your name isn't your name in real life? I had a dream I was some one else entirely! My whole life in the dream had 0 amount of connect to anything in my life at all. It took place in history in europe. I remember this castle pretty vividly. Of course I was a serving girl and not a princess (damn even in my dreams I have a low status and poverty! Has anything changed? Never!)
I was serving some rich old noble. I can't remember what my name was but I do know it wasn't Carla my name in real life. I looked nothing like I do now or any time in my life and there were no people I knew or anything that remotely happened in my real life. It was like a completely new story my brain told me not based on anything or even loosely connected to anything.
It creeps me out to tell the truth! Was this a past life? I have no idea but I would buy that explanation because I can't imagine having a dream like this that was pure fiction and imagination concocted by my brain. But then again I do have a strange mind.
At least in the batman dream there were some very very loose connections to my life and batman is something I at least know about and have seen before. my name was different in that dream too. I was a vileness. But I wasn't cat woman. any how never mind about that!
I expect that until I get more ambien I will continue to have vivid and strange dreams! I've also been taking melatonin supplements temporarily to help me sleep because I need to sleep and I am trying to sleep! I just can't sleep for long. It takes me hours to finally fall asleep! Last night I remember laying in bed so bored and frustrated because I did feel tired but I was not tired enough to sleep.
Any how I've been having really really vivid dreams when I'm actually able to sleep. (which is rare now)
I'm also worried because it's not just the very last dream I can remember it's 3 dreams that I can vividly remember.
One dream is so long and detailed I could write a book on it. Plus it's left me wondering what the F goes on in my brain that can concoct such weird dreams?
I mean I understand that there may not be any rules when it comes to dreams but still usually there is some connection to your actual life in them how ever small. Old child hood memories or about work if you work, or other mundane things.
But I had one really long dream about batman. I don't even like batman! Why the heck am I dream about him? And it was such a long and detailed dream too! What does it mean? Why would my brain make a story about that? I have no idea!
Now my other dreams were more mundane and I can see the connection to my life in them. Or at least there was something familiar in each of them whether it was something from childhood or recent.
But I also had this dream that was really strange! Any one else have a dream where your name isn't your name in real life? I had a dream I was some one else entirely! My whole life in the dream had 0 amount of connect to anything in my life at all. It took place in history in europe. I remember this castle pretty vividly. Of course I was a serving girl and not a princess (damn even in my dreams I have a low status and poverty! Has anything changed? Never!)
I was serving some rich old noble. I can't remember what my name was but I do know it wasn't Carla my name in real life. I looked nothing like I do now or any time in my life and there were no people I knew or anything that remotely happened in my real life. It was like a completely new story my brain told me not based on anything or even loosely connected to anything.
It creeps me out to tell the truth! Was this a past life? I have no idea but I would buy that explanation because I can't imagine having a dream like this that was pure fiction and imagination concocted by my brain. But then again I do have a strange mind.
At least in the batman dream there were some very very loose connections to my life and batman is something I at least know about and have seen before. my name was different in that dream too. I was a vileness. But I wasn't cat woman. any how never mind about that!
I expect that until I get more ambien I will continue to have vivid and strange dreams! I've also been taking melatonin supplements temporarily to help me sleep because I need to sleep and I am trying to sleep! I just can't sleep for long. It takes me hours to finally fall asleep! Last night I remember laying in bed so bored and frustrated because I did feel tired but I was not tired enough to sleep.
Some do, some even contact the doctor to have the script faxed over.
I have that problem with over the counter meds
They do work but they make me feel drugged out the next day and I don't feel refreshed like I do with ambien. Ambien doesn't knock me out I have to try to sleep and it helps me get to sleep and stay asleep.
Over the counter meds though will only knock me out the first couple of nights I start them after that they are ineffective at getting me asleep but I still feel drugged out.
Go figure eh?
Also when I was still able to take anti psychotics like geodon I loved when they knocked me out. But I only stayed a sleep for 2 hours at the most and when I woke up I felt great! Ready to take on the world. In the beginning. But over time they stopped working at night. Still knocked me out in the morning though but at night they had the reverse effect.
Now I'm not on anti psychotics (because I can't take them) But if I don't have ambien I go right back to what is natural for my body, which is sleeping all day and awake all night.
I have complained to my docs numberous times but they ignore me and blame it on the bi polar. I'm sure the bi polar can effect it but I feel it's a seperate issue since it never goes away! This isn't like a it happens infrequently or inconsistently.
With out a sleep aid I litterally can not sleep at nigh no matter what I try! I feel wide awake like I"m on a cafein high or crack. And I can't sleep until early morning like 2am if I"m lucky but some times it last's till 6am (day break). And no matter how much or how little I sleep I'm tired all day long and awake again at night fall.
I've tried staying up all day hoping it will knock me out at night but I get a second wind as soon as night comes. I feel just as awake and unable to sleep. I can force my self to stay awake for days and days! But I still only feel tired during the day and wired at night.
This is why I think it's unrelated to the bi polar. It seems like what is just natural for my body and I can't fight or fix it. And no a bed time schedule does absolutely nothing at all. I have gone to bed on time but I just lie awake in bed unable to sleep for literally hours bored out of my mind until I've had enough and get back up.
And sunlight knocks me out instead of helping me wake up. Doctors don't take me seriously though. I had a nurse tell me I was full of shit that I just needed a bed time schedule and that sunlight would help me become more alert.
That use to be true when I was young and didn't have problems but it is far from the truth now. I don't pretend to know whats wrong hormones or a neurological problem maybe. All I know is that it's not normal and nothing fixes it but ambien so far.
I've been on tromodol and it does nothing for me. Didn't even make me feel less depressed. Adavan nothing. I was on an anxiety pill (which I don't have anxiety believe me I am the calmest person I know. Very little phases me.) That did knock me out how every I never wake back up from it for the entire next day. No thanks I need to be awake during the day! If I can help it.
Well that is my sleep woes. But I also feel concerned because of the dreams. I feel that the reason I don't feel rested is because I'm not fully asleep. Some part of my brain is still awake and that's why I remember them. Also I don't think I get enough of that Deep sleep. The deep sleep is what makes you feel refreshed not the dream cycle according to every thing I've read.
Gosh I have written nothing but books lately.
Well I"m done now I won't keep boring people to death.
What DOES trigger me to feel tired is the bloody birds chirping as they wake up at 5.45-6am! I have always felt tired and kinda lousy being awake in the morning (from teenage years onwards), but come good mid afternoon. From then on, I become increasingly alert until 'sparrow fart'. Like you I can stay up right through, only having 2-3 hours of feeling crappy mid-morning, then come good and I'm super alert right throught the night again. We have to be part owl right?...at least that might explain the occasional bizarre night-time foraging for food behaviour that I wake up in the morning to find I've been doing when I take Zolpidem (Ambien)...no mice, thankfully :)
Sleep aids like benzo's tend not to help initiate sleep for me, and sometimes I can't feel any effect at all. But the day following they'll make me feel really lethargic despite taking a stimulant-type med. I've take melatonin too on occasion, but reset my body clock it does not. I'd love to know what the cause is, if you find out, I hope you will post about it. It would be great to sleep normal hours.
PS Have pretty trippy dreams myself.eg.,
I was walking on the train tracks near the local train station (!?) and the tracks were on...sheep manure (those round balls- my parents run sheep, so...lol), came up to a small shed up on stilts, still on the train tracks. Climbed the stairs, and Gerard Depardieu was inside (of course) and he gave me a painting he'd just finished....
Another one involved hundreds of exotic birds roosting up in the ceiling, finding a couple of 'dead' shrivelled up men about 10" tall, also with wings but wearing loincloths..behind my desk (I mustn't have vaccuumed properly). I picked one up and washed it under the tap at which point it came to life and tried to bite me! Never dull anyway...Well, it's 3.46 am...I should be doing something more horizontal, so off I go. Say, maybe your doc can fax the script through to a local pharmacy so you don't have to go without for too long. Good luck with it all, anyway :)
I would love the tropical birds dream! Don't get me wrong I do have cool dreams too but at least those are fun. Not sure the whole being a pregnant villain on death roe was fun! Even for a dream that was quite stressful.
I guess we are just naturally night people. But for me I feel more like a vampire since I also don't like heat and that means direct sunlight is not my favorite. Unless I'm at a beach.
But I don't drink blood and hell if I want to have this body for the rest of eternity! But it would explain my pale white skin that hasn't been tanned in years, and my sleep patterns. (it's also hard to get a tan when you aren't awake in time too!) (maybe the reason I'm obese is all the human food! I should be drinking blood Mwa ha ha!)
Yeah if I find out why I'm like this don't worry I'll be letting every one know!
And Rachyl I agree that vivid dreams are fun but if you remember them it means you aren't fully asleep (which is not good for most people). I know people who say they never have dreams, that's a lie you have dreams it's just that you sleep normally so you don't remember them. You're not really suppose to remember them it's not a good thing.
If you wake up though in the middle of a dream and you lay in bed thinking about it you will remember it. Most days I don't think about it long enough to really remember it any more. I wake up to a dream every time I wake. If I remembered them all I can't even imagine the stories I could tell.
I should write a batman novel based on my dream though. I think bat man fans would be disappointed that batman knocks up the super villain (not even sure how we ended up sleeping together honestly as far as I know we didn't yet I knew who's baby I was having.) It was all kinds of weird.
Also I thought it was hilarious when he came to the prison hospital as bruce wain. I figured he was batman but since there were nurses buzzing around I didn't want to come out and ask him directly. And you know how you talk over other peoples heads using code lingo? Yeah here's how this conversation went.
first I'm thinking why the hell is bruce wain here? Then when he starts speaking I recognize his voice and do the math.
Me "So the father of this baby found out I'm pregnant but I can't contact him and I don't know what he wants. Honestly I wasn't going to tell him but he found out. So now what can I do?"
bruce "Why are you telling me this?"
me I'm confused by the question at this point already
"You know the father of my child? Well I'd like it if you passed him a message for me."
Bruce "Wait who's the father?"
At this point I'm like ok maybe he doesn't get it let me try something else.
"So you don't know who the father is then?"
"I'm not sure if I know the father since you haven't told me his name."
"I can't tell you his name but you know exactly who he is." Wink wink nudge nudge
"No I don't I haven't got a clue, why don't you just tell me?"
Now I'm like what are you an idiot? If I say it's you wont that get you in trouble? How's he gonna explain this one? (that's what I"m thinking in my mind.)
"Ok well I can't say who the father is because I don't know his real name. He has an alias but I know he's very close to you. He told me he was your best friend. He also told me that you fund his late night hobbies."
"What? What are you talking about I don't know any one like that?"
Yeah I'm sitting there going Is he that dumb or what is going on here? I was so confused and I didn't know what to do.
But he had to have known that it was his since he was the one who busted me for robbing I don't some bank or what ever it was all I know is I was robbing something big. And he found out because for some reason they tested me for being pregnant. He even stopped the nurse from trying to give me an abortion while I was knocked out. So yeah he had to know about it!
Yep that's right death roe for a robbery. Pretty harsh sentencing in gotham! What do they do for the more serious crimes? I might not even want to know.
Any how at least the end of the dream Batman gives me a happy ending. He busts me out of the prison hospital gives me a million dollars in cash and then drops me off in mexico so I can escape the death penalty and raise his child (on my own).
Great ending to a strange dream.
Also you should have heard my boss when I tried to get out of the heist. I found out I was pregnant and told the big boss. He was bitching me out so bad!
he was like "How can you be so dumb? You are a world class criminal and you forgot to use a condom? Why the hell aren't you on the pill?"
I was like "I don't even remember doing it! But I"m pregnant now so I must have! I don't know what I was thinking I don't remember!"
Then he was like "So what? Why are you telling me this? Just go get an abortion dumb ass!"
I told him I wasn't going to because I didn't believe in it.
then he said
"what do you mean you don't believe in it? You just got done killing a shit ton of people but you can't have an abortion!"
Then I lied and said I was going to get one but obviously I didn't. There was nothing in hell that was going to make me. I tried to get out of the heist too but I couldn't.
And that doesn't even cover all of the dream it's far longer and more complicated than that!
But those were probably the funniest moments in it that left me scratching my head when I woke up! I was like what?