Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I'm so tired physically and emotionally.
I was so productive at the beginning of this week. My house was clean and I was on top of it. I completed all most all of my goals. But yesterday was the start of the down spiral. I didn't feel motivated and waisted a lot of time.
Now to day I feel so tired and I'm moody and crying over every little thing. I also ran out of pain meds for my arthritis so that isn't helping.
I'm just so tired of being tired all the time like this. I want to be productive all the time, not just one or two (if I'm lucky) weeks out of a month. I mean I"m grateful to have even that much since before I was unproductive pretty much all the time. So it's still an improvement.
But is it greedy of me to want to keep improving and not slide back into a down spiral. I know that some of these may be related to health problems that are beyond my control, but I'm tired of it.
I have a lot to offer if I could function normally.
I'm so smart and talented when I feel well, but my illness prevents me from making a use of any of that, since it's pointless to start something only to be set back or lose interest in it just one week later and then who knows when I will even feel up to it again?
I'm angry. I can tell you all kinds of detailed information about electronics, I'm also talented in art and music, story telling and crafts of any kind. I can read about something and apply it to life situations as long as I"m well. I could do a lot of things if I wasn't sick so much!
I feel like my talents are being totally wasted because of poor health whether it's physical health or mental health. What was the point of being born or even living if this is all I can do for the rest of my life?
I wanted to do something important with my life and I have the brains to do it! But I just can't seem to combat all my other issues to even scratch the surface of any of it.
It's depressing me. I may go back to bed.
I was so productive at the beginning of this week. My house was clean and I was on top of it. I completed all most all of my goals. But yesterday was the start of the down spiral. I didn't feel motivated and waisted a lot of time.
Now to day I feel so tired and I'm moody and crying over every little thing. I also ran out of pain meds for my arthritis so that isn't helping.
I'm just so tired of being tired all the time like this. I want to be productive all the time, not just one or two (if I'm lucky) weeks out of a month. I mean I"m grateful to have even that much since before I was unproductive pretty much all the time. So it's still an improvement.
But is it greedy of me to want to keep improving and not slide back into a down spiral. I know that some of these may be related to health problems that are beyond my control, but I'm tired of it.
I have a lot to offer if I could function normally.
I'm so smart and talented when I feel well, but my illness prevents me from making a use of any of that, since it's pointless to start something only to be set back or lose interest in it just one week later and then who knows when I will even feel up to it again?
I'm angry. I can tell you all kinds of detailed information about electronics, I'm also talented in art and music, story telling and crafts of any kind. I can read about something and apply it to life situations as long as I"m well. I could do a lot of things if I wasn't sick so much!
I feel like my talents are being totally wasted because of poor health whether it's physical health or mental health. What was the point of being born or even living if this is all I can do for the rest of my life?
I wanted to do something important with my life and I have the brains to do it! But I just can't seem to combat all my other issues to even scratch the surface of any of it.
It's depressing me. I may go back to bed.
and it doesnt help to have a mom who tells me its true...
anyways i like to say that normal people operate at 75%-125 percent
and we operate at 25% or 200% snd for the real extreme cases 10% and 215% anyways we often get about the same done its just like sporatic whilst others are like a steady pace. i get some kind of carpel tunnel or whatnot and painful muscle spasms too so i get the pain too. it really sucks but try to look at it from the whole you can get more done in 2 hours on a good day than a normal person can get done in a day and in somecases in a week! at least with bipolar you know eventually the other side comes again. where as if you just had a unipolar depression you'd never know if it would subside. you'll have a good day again.
But I feel so frustrated and angry because I know that I have lots of worth while qualities. It's just that I so rarely get to use them in ways that are productive.
I'm efficiently minded and productivity minded but I"m the least efficient and productive person I know. It annoys the hell out of me. While I know that on most days I get nothing done it still annoys me to watch others wasting their time in the most inefficient ways possible.
But it's not like I can't feel guilty. That's the difference of me on a good day and a bad day. on I good day I have no problem see what needs done and the fastest and most efficient way to do it. (probably because I know that the amount of time I have to get these important things done is limited and I can't predict how long I will be well enough to do them.) But on a bad day I'm so slow and inefficient that I feel down right retarded. That's why I just don't even bother trying. I already know how it's going to turn out. A wast of my effort, energy and time. Might as well do things I enjoy then since that's the only thing I can actually do that day right? Wrong! I don't even feel well enough to do that any more!
And I just have so little energy. I feel exhuasted all the time, like I hadn't slept at all even though I've been sleeping much more than normal.
It's good to know that I"m not alone on this, But I'm just so tired of this stupid cycle.
I think the thing that pisses me off the very most though is the fact that I'm so brilliant when it comes to digital electronics, I just got done reading the electronic engineering journal, I understand every thing perfectly well, yet I will never be able to contribute to the industry because I'm just unwell most of the time. No one would hire more for a week at a time and then have the patients to wait 3 more weeks for me to finish what I've started. Not only that but it'd take me for ever to get anything useful done.
So why is it that I'm obviously intelligent yet unsuccessful? it'd be different if I was dumb then there would be nothing wasted. It's such a waste.
I have lots of artistic talents too but that is also wasted on me. Well it does help me keep my self entertained when I'm dirt poor and have nothing. So not a totally waste. But still I could have done such great things if I had followed that dream when I was young. Just another ability wasted on me.
Why was I born if this is all I will amount to? What was the point in me being intelligent if it wasn't gonna be used for anything at all?\
It also causes problems for me when I have to deal with my family. They all know how smart I am because of the way I constantly out smart them. Well I probably seem even smarter to some of them since a lot of them are below average in intelligence.
But the point is that since they know of all my potential they can't understand why I can't work or what the hell is wrong with me. Also because they don't except mental illness as being real. And me feeling too tired isn't an excuse to them, nor is depression. They don't understand it since they've never experienced it nor understand it.
Thank you though for every one's understanding comments. It does make me feel better that some one understands me and what I am going through because no one in real life does.
Taking days off and resting is NOT a bad thing, nor a thing to be ashamed of.
Fibromyalgia
Chronic Fatigue
Periods
Diabetes
Heart Problems
Depression
.................are all reasons to take days off and take it easy on yourself.........just remember not to isolate too much......a gentle lifestyle is NOT disgraceful or shameful if you really are sick and need to take care of yourself.........I have learned this.
Painting, caligraphy and writing are also good as peaceful ways of living................
I hate my life.