I'm with you on this one. I can be smart, I can be motivated, I can be creative....I can be lots of things. This illness keeps me from reaching my full potential though. I'm hoping that following the completion of my treatments, I'll be able to do something with my time other than waste it. Hang in there. There's bound to be something good for us after all we've suffered.

I know it's tough to have all this creative energy one day and go to nadda the very next day. I have alot of pain issues that I have to deal with too and it just makes it all the more difficult. But it is what it is right now....and you do have good day and need to try and stay focused on those and that fact that you will have more. Bad days are the times we need to take extra good care of ourselves and do little things, bathe, eat right, just take care of yourself and do what you can.......accept the limitations at the moment and know that it WILL NOT last forever and better days are coming. I know it's hard but we are strong and can do this!!!

Sometimes the most productive thing we can do is lay down and gather strength. It's important to accept and deal with the things we have to without berating ourselves for failing to meet some arbitrary goal. Sometimes we've got to take the good with the bad and by happy anyway.

i feel like this all the time.
and it doesnt help to have a mom who tells me its true...
anyways i like to say that normal people operate at 75%-125 percent
and we operate at 25% or 200% snd for the real extreme cases 10% and 215% anyways we often get about the same done its just like sporatic whilst others are like a steady pace. i get some kind of carpel tunnel or whatnot and painful muscle spasms too so i get the pain too. it really sucks but try to look at it from the whole you can get more done in 2 hours on a good day than a normal person can get done in a day and in somecases in a week! at least with bipolar you know eventually the other side comes again. where as if you just had a unipolar depression you'd never know if it would subside. you'll have a good day again.

I definitely don't get the same amount done as normal folks. My down days of being too ill far out weigh my productive ones. If I were never ill though I would be running circles around normal people.

But I feel so frustrated and angry because I know that I have lots of worth while qualities. It's just that I so rarely get to use them in ways that are productive.

I'm efficiently minded and productivity minded but I"m the least efficient and productive person I know. It annoys the hell out of me. While I know that on most days I get nothing done it still annoys me to watch others wasting their time in the most inefficient ways possible.

But it's not like I can't feel guilty. That's the difference of me on a good day and a bad day. on I good day I have no problem see what needs done and the fastest and most efficient way to do it. (probably because I know that the amount of time I have to get these important things done is limited and I can't predict how long I will be well enough to do them.) But on a bad day I'm so slow and inefficient that I feel down right retarded. That's why I just don't even bother trying. I already know how it's going to turn out. A wast of my effort, energy and time. Might as well do things I enjoy then since that's the only thing I can actually do that day right? Wrong! I don't even feel well enough to do that any more!

And I just have so little energy. I feel exhuasted all the time, like I hadn't slept at all even though I've been sleeping much more than normal.

It's good to know that I"m not alone on this, But I'm just so tired of this stupid cycle.

I think the thing that pisses me off the very most though is the fact that I'm so brilliant when it comes to digital electronics, I just got done reading the electronic engineering journal, I understand every thing perfectly well, yet I will never be able to contribute to the industry because I'm just unwell most of the time. No one would hire more for a week at a time and then have the patients to wait 3 more weeks for me to finish what I've started. Not only that but it'd take me for ever to get anything useful done.

So why is it that I'm obviously intelligent yet unsuccessful? it'd be different if I was dumb then there would be nothing wasted. It's such a waste.

I have lots of artistic talents too but that is also wasted on me. Well it does help me keep my self entertained when I'm dirt poor and have nothing. So not a totally waste. But still I could have done such great things if I had followed that dream when I was young. Just another ability wasted on me.

Why was I born if this is all I will amount to? What was the point in me being intelligent if it wasn't gonna be used for anything at all?\

It also causes problems for me when I have to deal with my family. They all know how smart I am because of the way I constantly out smart them. Well I probably seem even smarter to some of them since a lot of them are below average in intelligence.

But the point is that since they know of all my potential they can't understand why I can't work or what the hell is wrong with me. Also because they don't except mental illness as being real. And me feeling too tired isn't an excuse to them, nor is depression. They don't understand it since they've never experienced it nor understand it.



Thank you though for every one's understanding comments. It does make me feel better that some one understands me and what I am going through because no one in real life does.

I wonder if you could take on doing consulting work. I wonder if you could do disability and then work 20 hours doing something in a consulting capacity or teach seminars at a Junior College part time.

Taking days off and resting is NOT a bad thing, nor a thing to be ashamed of.

Fibromyalgia
Chronic Fatigue
Periods
Diabetes
Heart Problems
Depression
.................are all reasons to take days off and take it easy on yourself.........just remember not to isolate too much......a gentle lifestyle is NOT disgraceful or shameful if you really are sick and need to take care of yourself.........I have learned this.

Painting, caligraphy and writing are also good as peaceful ways of living................

My parents always complain about the $80,000 they spent on an excellent college education. I was so fd up my last year they don't know this actually but it was very difficult to finish my classes and graduate. It's the only important thing I ever did.

I hate my life.