Forgive others and forgive yourself. Other people can deal with their own forgiveness. I've found that using the grieving process works well in this situation, and many other circumstances too!

Thank you tommymott, I think I am grieving and just didn't recognize it as such. It's hard to grieve my whole life - but I still think you're right.

Me too. Big awful heavy bummer, I totally get it.

The one thing I am finding helps is changing the behaviors that hurt others and myself. Once I know I won't repeat a mistake, the trauma around it dissolves and I am able to forgive myself.

The mistakes I am still making, although I deeply regret them, I have not been able to forgive. So I am working on making those changes. Some of it I feel out of control with, like the fear and panic take over and I lose control and do and say stupid things, but from the things I have been able to change I know it's about being constantly conscious of my tendency towards whatever (for me jealousy and anger) and choosing a behavior I feel better about. I sort of have to dangle the image of the person I want to be at the front of my mind at all times.

I am a very forgiving person and it is hard for me to understand and accept that some people won't ever forgive me, but that's the way it is, some people just don't forgive. But if I have learned from my mistakes and forgiven myself it isn't as heavy to bear.

I just got out of a psych ward recently and one thing I learned is that I have to love myself at all times. Even if I am throwing a temper tantrum. Sounds crazy, but if I am hating myself it only makes things worse. My anger stems from fear, so soothing myself works way better than heaping more negativity onto the mix.

I have realized that I become the abusive parent that raised me, so I have to treat both myself and the person I am angry with as the innocent child I once was. Basically, each time the intense fear comes up, I have an opportunity to rescue that innocent part of myself from the hostility I learned.

Thanks for letting me say the things I need to hear; I hope it helps you too.

When I become manic or hypomanic I become very selfish and self absorbed. I do many things I regret later. My family has forgiven me for the past and there have been some doozies to forgive like trying to commit suicide by cop with a knife and turning the knife towards my oldest daughter. I have a diagnosis now and meds and I am hoping that my manic episodes become less intense and I don't do those sorts of things. I have been stable now for about 2 years.

I know its hard to forgive yourself. I know from personal experience. You do deserve forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself. One can't undo the past but you can learn from it. Hope I helped.

I am only here commenting - because I am going through the exact same trial - my symptoms are consistent with a personality disorder and I am getting better - Like when I look back to 5 years ago or 7 years ago - I was severely dependent upon people and feared abandonment - it consumed me - I am alone now and lost many good relationships from the fallout of my own behaviior and I am grieving the losses - even family members - I sit and grieve and wish it were different.

I have learned to be alone - that was a major milestone as I would wear a porkchop around my neck and run into a a pack of raveneous dogs to keep from being alone -

This is a staple of this illness - and you see people in relationships that are killing their souls.

But I am by myself and I am lonely but I didn't die and I have to realize that is the difference for me. Between yesterday and today - the angry outbursts, the impulsive behavior, the OCD that drove other people nuts, the need for control of my environment to the exclusion of other's needs - control, control, control.

I wish I could walk back in time and undo it all and then look back at a good person - what i think a good person is -

I am on so many people's #!#!! list - well- I believe in Heaven and God - so somewhere out there - in the great beyond - we will have the relationship I dreamed of here - but now I screwed it up too bad to undo it all.

But I seem to be slowly getting well from some of the most serious symptoms - like co-dependency - to people who later told me, "I would rather kill you than let you leave." Insane, how could I do that?

the co-depency was almost lethal in the end - so as I reach out across the internet to others suffering from this like me, i choose this over going out with the porkchop.

Hey, my favorite porkchop, "I take you out to dinner, a cool place, I'll pay." "I'll buy you stuff, I'll give you stuff." I gave people my car so they wouldn't leave.

Another time to salvage a relationship, I spent a whole day - more than once, cleaning, cooking, buying groceries, doing their laundry, power washing their houses with bleach and gagging.

Anything and everything to get them to want to keep me around - and they are all gone.

I was like the prodigal son who ran out of money and the party was over.

God bless you people for being so brave to address this and be honest about it - God bless you - it takes courage.