Well I guess the only thing we can do is be sympathetic to your pain and offer our care. I can understand not wanting to get locked up, I don't want to either. I find crisis teams useless and prefer talking to someone understanding. Do you want to tell us more about what is going on in your life? Can you do something to comfort yourself? I find sometimes taking olanzapine and sleeping it off helps and I wake up less depressed. (((hugs))))

i'm suicidal right this moment. i tried twice in februaary, i have screen shots and even a video o fmy first attempt. i watched it all the other day and it made me reallly sad. it was apparently hard to keep all the pills down, but i guess i did ok. i saw how it slowly wore me down and stuff before the end of the recording.

even though i am seriously thinking it is right for me, i urge you to not do anything drastic because you can't take it back.

as for me i don't have anyone in this world to leave. my julie is gone, and there is just me. if you have family or friends at the very least hang on for their sakes a little while longer.

Thanx for the replies.......a bit about me.....ten years ago I had my first manic episode and my ex-husband got me locked up.....he said he wouldn't involve the mental health services again.....but he did 3 months later..............He has custody of my children and because I live 3 hours drive away from them....and am not in a financial position to visit them.....I rely on my ex bringing them to see me..........My daughter is nearly 20 and is pretty much doing her own thing now, which I fully understand, however, she never answers me when I contact her on facebook....also, if I phone my son and ask if he will put my daughter on the phone she always makes an excuse not to spk to me........I have a good relationship with my son who is nearly 12, however, I have not seen him since early february and won't see him again for about another month.......I can't stop thinking about them .....all day, every day....I have missed so much of their lives and it is really painful.....

I just feel that if I could be successful with suicide then the pain will dissapear.....I know that I might be going to a worse place....but am prepared to take that chance......The only thing that is stopping me at the moment is that I might not be able to keep the pills down as has happened in the past.

juzme I am so sorry for your situation with your children, especially your daughter.

I would say to you to try and put these suicidal thoughts of taking pills out of your mind. It doesn't always work. I tried back in 2003 and I took a whole damn lot of stuff and ended up on life support for 3 weeks. If you do survive, which you probably would, you could end up a lot worse.

Maybe give the meds some more time to do their job, it doesn't sounds like you haven't been on that combination for too long. As for stockpiling meds, I know all about that too. I have a stockpile of Nardil (maoi) a very dangerous AD if taken with SSRI's which I am on. So I get where you are coming from.

It's an awful place to be where you are right now. Please hang in there because believe it or not things do get better eventually but it takes a little bit of time.

Look after yourself. We care. x.

BTW: for those who have shown concern, I have decided to keep going for a wee while longer......and, gilthanos if you want to chat about your suicidal feelings let me know and we can chat on skype, msn etc...I feel that when you feel suicidal like we do, it's good to chat to someone who feels the same way.

i have the same story as you and had a collection of klonopin with same feeling and intentions.after weeks of getting worse and worse.last week i checked my self into the psyc unit and within3 days after med changes i am like a new person no more constant pain no more wanting to being dead,no more crying, no more sleeping 20 out of 24 hours,actually smiling again and enjoying the spring weather.this is within six days of hospitalization.
why dont you check yourself in and get the intenswive help you need and stay until this feeling is gone and you are enjoying live again .it is possible.a week ago i wanted to be dead now i am so grateful God Bless You and i hope you get the help you need and deserve

I went in last week for the same thing. It was really the best thing for me even though at the time I really didn't want to go. I'd urge you to reconsider going in. Please take care and get the help you need.

I'm sorry your having a hard time, many hugs to you.

((hugs)) Everyone has said it already. Please don't kill yourself. It would crush your children.